Question

So I have a question. Will having my kids in school make me want to have another baby or will it make me want to get a job. Decisions, decisions.

So far, I'm thinking neither. Am I allowed to say that? After all the feminists went through over the last 100+ years, isn't it a huge slap in the face to all my fore-mothers to just stay home and have babies. And be happy with that? And when your kids are in school, am I allowed to be satisfied with taking a step down from being a stay at home mom, to being a housewife. I'm toying with the idea. Jeff keeps making more and more money, the kids keep getting more and more independant.

Yuck! I'm already sick to my stomach with that prospect, so thanks for letting me have a socratic dialogue with y'all out there in cyberspace. I know there is no way I could do that. Taking care of my babies has a purpose, but being an unpaid housekeeper? Um, no thanks.

Caring for my children has been the most personally fulfilling thing I have ever done. I think it's probably just biology. All I have to say about that is thank you natural instincts, because I know I didn't want a baby when I was in college and pregnant with Kimberly. I didn't want to be pregnant (although I was), I didn't want to stop smoking and drinking(although I did), I didn't want to stop going to clubs and dancing on the bar (yep! stopped doing that too!). I didn't want to move 3 hours away because I quit my job (in a bar, as a cocktail waitress). I *did* want to get married. Jeff and I talked about it before I got pg, but we were usually drunk, but fortunately he really meant it too. Deep inside I knew what I had to do because I didn't matter anymore. I've learned to be selfless and surrender to being a mother. And it's the best thing I've done. It's my favorite thing to do. It could have happened a little later in life. Babies having babies. Okay, I was 23 so I technically was an adult but. Omg, I have to stop right here.

I actually had her a month before my 23rd birthday.

I had a baby at 22. hang on, i'm having a moment here.

Twenty fucking two? I only had a year where I could legally get into a bar? Wow. Maybe that's why Mama like's to drink with the neighbors on the weekends so much!

Kennen starts preschool next week, so we shall see how I do with the spare time. I could get a job in the mall at Banana Republic. :) Then I could spend my whole paycheck there. :)) And I could walk to the food court and eat at Cinnabun everyday :)))

Or, I could put freshly cut flowers from my garden into the 79cent vases I bought at IKEA the other day.