Sunday, June 29, 2008

We're back!

Disney World is so amazing. The first day we were there we noticed that everyone at the hotel was saying, 'Have a magical day' and at first we were rolling our eyes and scoffing at their enthusiasm.

But then we went to Magic Kingdom and we saw the Castle and the Disney magic infused into our souls:

Then Jeff zoomed in on...the kids and their monkey leashes! I know, I know...I leashed my kids. But I really don't want to lose my babies and since I have mental problems, just the thought of losing sight of them gives me panic attacks. There were several times that I lost sight of them for a split second and went into crazy screaming Mommy-who-can't-find-her-kids mode and Jeff told me to hush up and relax. Oh, and another thing about the leashes...the last day Kimberly decided to take her monkey leash off and that is the only time we lost her. She was only missing for about a minute but after that the monkey leash laws were strictly enforced.

This was right before breakfast at the Crystal Palace character restaurant. Notice the hazy magic twinkling around Cinderella's castle in the background? I told you it was magic.

First thing was first and we went on Pirates of the Caribbean. Kennen and Kimberly loved it. In the we bought Kennen a pirate sword, and eyepatch and a hook hand. I think I know what he will be for Halloween this year. Here are my boys. Oh, and Geaux Tigers!:

The whole fan-damily:

I missed day 2 of course because Kimberly was puking and spraying diarrhea every 30 minutes, but on day 3 we went to Epcot! Like my Mickey Ears? I think they make me 6'6''!

There is my husband. You can see that he is impressed with big balls:

Epcot was really impressive. We made it halfway 'around the world' before we got stuck in a torrential downpour. We were undaunted by the rain and kept on exploring the park and going on rides for about 3 hours until we finally sat down to eat at The Biergarten. I loved the food! Everything was vinegary and tasted just like my grandmothers cooking. Oh, and the 33 1/2 ounce beers were pretty sweet too! Here I am 33 1/2 sheets to the wind:

The next day was Animal Kingdom. It was probably my least favorite park because I think I am the only person that thinks that the zoo is boring as hell. I don't care to look at animals at the distance. I don't even care to look at animals close up. I did keep a smile on my face because there was one great thing about the Animal Kingdom...Everest! Jeff, Grandpa, Kimberly and myself went on the ride and is was off the mutha-funkin' hook! At first Kimberly liked it was like, 'Yeah! Woohoo!' but then we stopped because the 'track was broken' and we backed up. really fast. in the pitch black. This is when my stomach was in my throat and Kimberly was crying and screaming, "Get me off this thing! Make is stoooooop!" was probably not one of my finer moments of Motherhood. I really thought she would like it. She loved Goofy's barnstormer at magic kingdom....but I guess the Barnstormer was about a 4 in intensity, and the Everest ride was about a 10. Oops. Sorry baby girl...Mommy will pay for your therapy when you are older. After Everest, we went to the fairgrounds at Dinoworld and the kids both won the largest stuffed animals that they offered. Good job kiddos!:

The 5th day we were exhausted and decided to spend the morning at the pool. My babies were lucky enough to be selected to 'use Mickey Mouse magic to turn on the fountains in the pool and to turn the water slide on.' They donned mickey hands and fantasia hats and teensy tiny magic wands and spun around...went town to the ground....and jumped up to turn on the fountains. They did a great job.

The End.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

If you wonder why I am blogging on my WDW vacay....'s because I have spend the last 24 hours in my hotel room...with a sick kid. Jeff, Kennen and the Grandparents went to the Animal Kingdom without us and Kimmy and I stayed home so I could I hold her hair while she puked.

It's cool though. I have some pretty nice diggs here and I found a sundries shop that sold pedialyte and wine. Now that's fun for the whole family! Then Grandma and Grandpa came home and saw my bottle of wine and now I feel like a lush. What was I expected to do in a 15 X 15 foot room all day?

I really hope that Kim is better tomorrow. Jeff said that she is such a little ball of light and happiness that today just wasn't the same without her. Oh, he said he missed me a little too. ;D

Sunday, June 22, 2008


Yesterday was my birthday. I told Jeff not to do anything for my birthday because I was a bad wife last year and didn't do anything special for him on his birthday. I know...bad bad wife.

I told him all that I wanted to do was go out to eat at Denny's with him and the kids. And I wanted to pick up my in laws at the airport by myself so that I could listen to all the inappropriate gangsta music that I never get to blast in my truck because I always have the kids with me.

Yesterday, we did breakfast, I played some Wii (which is also a special treat for me because Jeff hates video games. Or he hates when I play video games. He thinks if I have spare time for video games, I should be more having sex with him or something). After all that, I took off to get my inlaws at the airport and listened to Dre 2000.

When we got home, there were balloons...and friends...and drinks...and festivities! Kimberly screamed, 'SURPRISE!' and Kennen started singing, "Bappy birthday to Mommy!" Aww it was so sweet. I can't believe that Jeff surprised me again. Geez...when Jeff's love light is on you, it is the best feeling in the world. Things like this show me how much he loves me and I am dazzled by it. He is really great to me. Here are a few pics that Patty took as I walked in the door.

'Papa' is carrying Kennen but I am following right behind them...

You can't really see in this picture but I am realizing what is happening and I'm smiling :D

Me and my Love...

He looks so proud of himself. If you look closely that he even is wearing his 'Frank the Tank' t-shirt. He is not allowed to leave the house wearing this shirt...I think it is a bad omen and he will only get in trouble with it on. But at home, I'm happy to have my own Frank the Tank.

Friday, June 20, 2008

I just tossed a fifth of gin...

...I'm goin' to dizneeland!

Actually, I am going to Disneyworld in 3 days! My in laws fly in tomorrow and then on Monday we are off to explore the happiest place on earth. I am really looking forward to this vacation. I seem to be out of ideas on how to entertain my kids for and we are not even one month into summer vacation. One week of Disneyworld, then I have 2 friggin months to keep my crazy monkeys occupied. But I wont think about that today. I'll think about that tomorrow.

I have one small problem though...I need to pack for three people. for an organized person this wouldn't be a problem but I have one big problem. L.A.U.N.D.R.Y. I need a house elf. sigh.

My in laws are going to fly in tomorrow and then on Monday we are off to 'Florider' to enjoy the rain. I don't mind the least it will keep us cool. I have decided that I have no agenda while I am in Disneyland. I am going to let the kids and grandma and grandpa tell me where to go. Next week I want to not be in charge. My only request is to do Pirates of the Caribbean. Twice. And the haunted mansion too. Other than that, I am just going to eat my lunch on a stick and do what I'm told to do. I don't want to be the adult and since grandma and grandpa will be there, I am technically a kid right? They can even put one of those leashes on me so I don't wander away.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Chip-In at the 17th hole - Tiger Woods (US Open)

Chip-In at the 17th hole - Tiger Woods (US Open)

You have to watch this video...specifically at 1:18 to see my boyfriends cute reaction to this ridiculous shot. Tiger suffered through the US Open this weekend with a torn ligament in his knee. He was in the rough, on a hill that required him to put extra pressure on his left knee. I was hoping that he would at least get par on this hole...definitely not birdie! This shot is just ridiculous and had no business going in...and the look on Tigers face is priceless. Isn't he dreamy? He's my boyfriend...he just doesn't know it yet

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


(pronounced Fra-geeeee-lay) It must be French!*

Yes it is an alligator head. Jeff was in a Cajun shop in New Orleans buying boudain (liver and rice sausage...gag!) and he was drawn to our new house guest. I say guest because I am hoping it will leave soon.

The only problem is that Jeff thinks it's a good decoration. I'm all for random and interesting items turned into knick knacks...for example this old microscope on top of our entertainment system. Or the empty bottle of Cachacas (Brazilian booze) with the cork on top. Or my bamboo serving platter turned art...But a fucking alligator head?

How am I going to get rid of this thing? Ugh...just look at its beady little eyes.

*name that movie!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Happy Fathers Day!

Happy fathers day to all the Dads out there! :D

Today I am going to talk about the most important Father in my husband and father of my babies, Jeff.

He is kind of Dad that I never had. He is hilarious and has the kids laughing hysterically with his jokes and silly games he plays. He is so smart and every encounter the kids have with him is a learning experience. He is their first teacher. He reminds me that this part of our lives is precious and fun...not just work and responsibility. He helps me to keep my perspective at the end of a hectic day.

He is such a hard worker. Work hard, play hard. I always tell him that I am surprised that he has gone so far in his career so quickly. I married a waiter and honestly can say I didn't expect much more. I knew that he was jockeying to fill a position at a large company that he had worked summer internships at, and when he got it I figured we had made it. Our future was secure. He felt differently about it though...he was only getting started. Well now color me impressed! He is so successful thanks to his determination and a few strategic moves and I'm so glad that my kids have him as their role model. I'm so proud of him!

He is the most interesting person I have ever met and our differences make wonder what it is he likes so much about me. His spirit is wild and free and mine is cautious and broody. Together we are either volatile or passionate. Are those to words too different anyway? We are definitely not lukewarm.

It is so sweet to see how Jeff is wrapped around Kimberly's finger. When I was giving birth to Kimberly, as soon as her head was out she opened her eyes and looked directly at Jeff. For the first time in his life, he saw himself reflected in another human being. I think she filled a need for him that nobody could give to him. She became his in a way that nobody ever had been his before. It is like she saved him from being alone in this world. And she is so much like him! She is a frog catching, bug loving, smart, sassy, sensitive and assertive child. She is so confident.

A few years later we had another baby, our boy Kennen. Jeff was puffed up and proud. It's like he had fulfilled a primal desire to have a son. Somebody that he didn't have to protect, but more like somebody that he had to mold into a man. Kennen is a strong boy. Physically. Mentally he is a gentle soul. A lover, not a fighter. He has a hard time being a little boy. He cannot tell you what his intentions are and sometimes he gets things wrong. But his intentions are always good and Jeff is making sure that Kennen will be a person of integrity. He is a little harder on his son, even though he denies it. Just like I am probably a little harder on Kimberly. We are both trying to mold our kids into better versions of ourselves and sometimes that requires a little heat. Jeff says that Kennen has the purest, sweetest soul of anybody he has ever met. He says that that is something that he is always going to protect with Kennen. He says he is so perfect and he doesn't want the world to change that. He is so good.

I love this man...this father of my babies.

Friday, June 13, 2008

I live with Ben Ten

Jeff took the kids to Target this morning to buy some gifts for them for 'being good' this week while he was on his business trips.

hmmm...this statement works too: Jeff took the kids to Target this morning to relieve some of the guilt he feels for being gone all week on business trips.

Or...this statement could be: Jeff really missed the kids this week, and his love language is gifts so he took them to Target to buy them something new to play with.

Anyway, Kimberly has a new Polly pocket swimming pool and car (complete with 3 new Polly's) and for Kennen we found a kickass Ben Ten watch. If you don't know about Ben Ten, basically is is a boy that found this watch that transforms into different aliens and monsters so he can fight bad guys. And sometimes Ben is a little bit bad too. Since Kennen's introduction to this show, he constantly is some kind of demon sounding version of himself.

Here...see for yourself:

And this one too...

the sweet soul still can't talk but he is definitely transforming from 'baby' to 'boy'. Mama is so proud!

p.s. In an attempt to keep Jeff from ripping off Kennens arms, lets not tell him he was punching me, mmmmmkay? :D

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The best things in life are free.

The best things in life are free. A gorgeous sunset. Great sex, that is free (usually). Giving your kids a happy childhood, well that can be free too!

I was talking to my father in law the other day and he asked me if I am going to put the kids into any activities this summer. I told him, "Well, maybe I dunno." Then he talked about how sometimes kids get over scheduled with gymnastics, swim team, piano, etc and that can be a bad thing. I laughed and told him not to worry about that...I can't afford to over schedule my kids!

Despite money being tight, we are going to have fun this summer. FUN! Even if it exhausts me, at the end of every day I want my kids to go to sleep with happy memories dancing in their little minds. Since I have recovered from my salmonella poisoning (not officially diagnosed but I ate tomatoes from Taco Bell and what else gives you the shits for 9 days?) we have been having a grand ole' time around here. I am hitting up every free activity I can think of. Today it was the public library.

For my son not being able to talk very well, he sure is loud! The problem is that he thinks he's Ben Ten...or at least the different creatures Ben Ten transforms in to. And they all growl or hiss and try to attack my leg.

I kept telling him, "Shhhhhhhhhhh!" and in response he told me, " I CAN'T MOMMY! I GO PEE NOW. I GO HOME NOW. PLEASE MOMMY? PLEASE!"


We made it out of there with only a minor disruption to the quiet enjoyment of the masses. Now the kids are reading quietly and feel like they had a special day.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


I updated my blogroll! If anybody sees an error, a link that doesn't work, or would rather not be on a blogroll let me know!

I have a question for you!

I was reading Audra's blog over at Shrinking Boobies (did you know she went from a JJ to a D? Ahh the marvels of modern medicine!) and she asked her readers who they were. It got me thinking. I feel like I have gotten to know a lot of my readers but maybe I haven't. What is more curious to me is how the hell did you find me? When I started, 3 people looked at my blog every day. Now like 10 people read my blog, lol. So...question of the day is:

How did you find my blog? And why the hell do you keep reading it? Do you like it when I talk about poop? This is in reference to both my childrens poop and my own explosive salmonella flavored tomato diarrhea. I'm just curious. Really though, don't answer the poop question because I know you like it. Please even if you leave an anonymous message, I am soooo curious. Thanks!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Monday Memes...

I've been tagged by kbear!

1. What was I doing ten years ago?

It was just a few weeks before my 19th birthday so that would put me working a temp job that I loved! It was telephone tech support for a grocery store and it was oddly fulfilling. Okay, the job probably sucked but I really liked the people I worked with. I met a nice guy and ended up dating him for a few years. Tragically, he dumped me. Ah well, what can you do? I was also living in my first apartment with my friends Angela and Wendy. I made a few feeble attempts at community college, but I had a hard time balancing school, work, and my social life so I blew off college for a few years. I will definitely support my kids financially when they are college aged. I found it impossible to 'do it all'.

2. What are five things on my list to do today?
1. Go see 'Kung-Fu Panda' with the neighbors-done!
Take the title from my old car down to the dealership.
3. Clean my bathroom.
4. Water my poor plants! The heat is keeping them from flowering and it's pissing me off! I'm going to give them a nice long drink.

5. Wash my car.

3. Snacks I enjoy?
Chips and salsa...that is all I can think of now. I'm not much of a snacker. I drink coffee if I'm hungry? Oh, wine too. And lots of diet soda. I haven't had coffee or wine in over a week now. I'm still scared to eat or drink anything weird and rightly so!

4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire?

Buy Jeff a boat. And a lake to put it on.

Make sure that my parents and grandparents were taken care of.
Live a very extravagant lifestyle
Give a lot to charities.
I have no idea. Money doesn't mean that much to me. After this week I have seen that nothing else matters if you don't have your health and as long as I have that then I really have everything I need.

5. Three of my bad habits

Reading a lot of blogs!

Not doing my laundry
Being a bitch

6. Five places I have lived?

Mesa, AZ
Flagstaff, AZ
Springfield, IL
Katy, TX

7. Five jobs I've had?
1- McDonalds...hey I was 16!
2. – various temp jobs
3. – Cocktail waitress-best job ever! Working at one of 3 bars in a small college town can make you pretty popular! Well, popular with drunk frat boys.
4. – I was a ticket girl at a greyhound dog track. I made some serious money in tips at this job! sometimes $100 from one person! ka-ching!
5. – mommy supreme. Tedious, thankless, and requires a lot of patience. I am counting down the years until I can go back to work with a clean conscience, but I am so thankful that I am able to do this and I think I'm doing a pretty good job. My kids are great!

8. How did you name your blog?

One day I was playing with my myspace page and I typed into my headline, "I tripped and fell into suburban bliss" and it just seemed to sum up where I was in my life

Tripped=got pregnant And Fell=got married to a person I knew for 11 months Into Suburban Bliss=seriously I live in candyland. All of the storefronts match, all of the schools match, it is perfectly landscaped and manicured and symmetrical and lovely. It's kind of spooky!

Tag 5-6 people

....and KRISTINA! I will miss your blog Kristina...say it aint so! I am tagging in hopes that you will keep blogging!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

dirty details...not for the meek

I feel like a crumpled up withered leaf. I am d.r.y. I don't think I've ever been this sick. Usually when I get a stomach bug, it is vomit specific. This time though, I have peed out my ass about 15 times a day for the last 4 days. You really wanted to hear that right? You're welcome :D

I finally went to the doctor after my husband threatened to take me to the hospital and you know what? I'm sick enough for antibiotics. My Dr. layed me down on the exam table and listened to my intestines and prodded around for a minute while Kennen explained to her that, "Mommy has a big POOT!" She just laughed and talked to him and then gave me some sympathy and a prescription for not one, but two antibiotics. I came home and did the google on both of them and the first one is used to treat Anthrax and the second one is used to treat Giardia. Yummy.

Halle.friggin.luia that I finally feel like I'm turning a corner. Modern medicine is fabulous.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

More silver lining...

Anybody looking to shed a few lbs? Anybody? Just come over to my house and let me breath on you. I weigh less right now that I did before I was pregnant with Kimberly. And this is much cheaper than a colon cleanse.

Send gatorade ASAP!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


Psst...just wanted to say that I could get used to this being sick thing. Aside from the wretching stomach pains, things around here have been pretty relaxing. Jeff cooked dinner, cleaned the kitchen SPOTLESS, brought me gatorade, and tucked in the kids. He even did some laundry! I'm looking forward to feeling better, but I will miss the royal treatment. I love me some Jeff!

Monday, June 2, 2008


How the hell did I get sick? I have a fever so I am and my stomach is wrecked. blech. I should have known something was up because I was watching Kimberly's little friend today and all my plans for a nice and enriching day went out the window. I had no energy so I layed on the sofa most of the day. I did get up to paint their toenails and to take them to the McDonalds drive thru, but they were pretty much on their own today. Poor things.

Oh, and Kim's sweet little friend saw my fangs come out. They kept of begging me to take them to the park, which is just down the street, but I nicely said, "No, my stomach hurts."

Kim begged and whine and cajoled and would not friggin let it go. Then her little friends started adding to the conversation, "Oh! I love the swings! And I'm great on the monkey bars! Can we ride the Barbie Jeep down there? YEAH! Can we go Kimberly's Mommy??? Puh-leeeeeze!" Finally I snapped, "I'm not going to the park because if I do i am going to crap my pants!"

:D That shut them up!

Sunday, June 1, 2008


That is how I feel right now. Today is the day I decided to enter into a triathlon in my town. It is a 'little' triathlon, but I am still intimidated. It is a 1/4 mile swim, 19 mile bike ride, and a 3 mile run. I looked online and it seems like the general times for each section of the triathlon are about 10 minutes for swimming, 1 hour for biking, and 30 minutes for the run. Realistically I would expect to go slower than the averages, but who cares! I just want to finish the damn thing.

Today I swam 8 laps at the pool (I think we've figured that to be 1/8 of a mile) and biked 9 or 10 miles. I feel really great! If this is my athletic starting point, I feel confident that I can really do this. I did all of this today with Keikicakes. It was sort of an experiment to see if we are in any shape to seriously try for this race. And you know what? I really think I can do it. And I'm going to sign up!

Okay, I seriously need a bubble bath because I think i might be sore tomorrow! :D