Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Race for the Cure

This weekend I will be joining my neighborhood girls in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. I just registered today because I am a huge slacker. And a broke slacker. But somehow the direct deposit gods must have decided to shine their warmth on me because I got paid a day early...just in time to register before 2:00pm today!

If you would like to add a donation in my name to support breast cancer awareness, please click here:

Hooray for boobies!

Oh, and please be thinking of me on Saturday morning. I will be running at 8:30am. Sob!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Couch man

Couch man is living in my house. My husband has the sniffles and he has been milking it for all that it is worth! OMG men are such babies!!! Okay so he does have a sore throat, chest congestion and his fever came back but good lord! Get yo' a$$ to work! Or at least fold some laundry while you are supine! Or is it prone? How 'bout cattywhompas couch cuddling.

Aww then he looks at me with his pitiful flushed face and I run and make him some tea with lemon and honey. Ok...I am kinda happy that he is home. Forget the laundry baby...

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

When I was young...

Have you ever happened upon a movie or song that reminds you of when you were younger? I just randomly flipped onto Romeo and Juliet (the one with Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio) and so many emotion are running through me. Not only is it the ultimate tragic love story...but it was made over a decade ago when I was an impressionable and broody teenager. I loved the soundtrack...I loved the movie...I loved Leonardo DiCaprio (this was when he was still hot)...I loved Claire Danes (remember "My so called life?")...I loved the soundtrack and listened to it endlessly.


I am in a happy nostalgic place tonight. Peace.


Jeff and I took the kids fishing last night. Fishing is his passion and from a young age he taught them how to cast their own line out into the water. They practice in the front yard...at passing cars.

Here is my sweet boy, concentrating hard...and he has not yet realized that he has no hook on his pole. (c'mon are we really going to give a 3 year old a hook to swing around? We don't do that until they are 4!)

Kimberly is all business...I think she has my nose...

Or maybe like the rest of her face...she has her fathers nose.

All that I know for certain is that she doesn't have her front tooth...but she did catch her very own baby bass.

Since nobody takes pictures of me, I have to take them myself. I call this one..."Girl enduring mosquito bites for the sake of good clean family fun."

I call this one "Nose."

Jeff always lets the kids reel in the fish after he sets the hook. This is Kennen's catch of the day. Despite the look of disgust on his face, he was smiling and saying, "Cheese!"

By this time Kimberly had abandoned fishing for her new little friend. Mr. Turtle.

And this was about the time that Kennen realized that he didn't have a hook on his fishing pole. I told him to get up and keep fishing and he replied with, "I can't...I don't have hook!"

Sunday, September 21, 2008

farm animals.

Tonight Jeff made dinner. Well he dumped a pile of chips on a plate, covered it in cheese and microwaved it for me. I was laying on the couch...watching 60 minutes...eating my chips...minding my own business. My plate was balanced on my stomach and Kennen came running into the room...

..."BUTTON MY PANTS MOMMY! PWEEEEEESE!" (hey the kid at least goes potty and wipes his own butt...I don't mind snapping his pants!)

I had a huge cheesy nacho in my hand so I put it in my mouth and held it between my teeth so I could use both hands to snap his pants back together. Suddenly Kennen burst out into raucous laughter and said,

"Hahahahaha! Mommy! MOMMY! You look like a COW Mommy! Mooooo! MOOOOOO!"

Saturday, September 20, 2008


This weekend I decided to try something new. I made my first 'Honey Do' list and taped it to the refrigerator. If you can't decipher my note it reads:

1. Clean out garage.

2. Hose/Sweep garage floor.

3. Put M.R.E.'s and bottled water back in attic crawl space.

Love You Babe!

You know what? It friggin worked. Jeff woke up and got started on it as soon as he ate. Granted he slept until 11:45 am but my garage is clean and I can actually park in the garage and even better than that...I can actually open the truck doors all the way open to get the kids in their carseats. He lugged all the 'hurricane' bottled water back into our attic for the next storm, along with the M.R.E.'s. That would be 'Meals Ready to Eat'. Like army food. Cool huh? They dont expire for about 20 years!

I am impressed with the Honey Do List! It is much more effective than nagging. I highly recommend it! Hmmm...now what should I put on next weekends list?

Friday, September 19, 2008

A week ago today...

...was my first hurricane party. This is my favorite picture. Enjoy! :D

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The damage of hurricane Ike

Wind damage? no.

Flooding? no.

Electricity out? no.

Water off? no.

Ice and food shortages? no.

I just heard the announcement yesterday that the kids wont be going back to school until next Monday! (insert knife stabbing horror movie sounds...reeee! reeee! reee!)

Wasn't summer long enough? I could just let them watch too much tv and deal with the whinings of "I'm boooooored!" Or I could sit them down at the table and play Teacher Mommy and listen to them cry and whine because their brain is working too hard.

Okay now I'm whining. I wonder where the kids get it. :P

Sunday, September 14, 2008

We are blessed.

Jeff went back to work today to assess the damage at the site. Nothing it too terribly wrong with the building except for some minor roof damage. However, a lot of Jeff's coworkers are still without power and water!

Jeff called me and said that his boss and another guy were coming to our house for ice. When they got here we loaded them up with capri suns for their kids, water and lots of ice and frozen bottles of water. One of the guys had a tree land on his house! We really lucked out because in our neighborhood, it is business as usual. People are jogging, shopping, watching movies just like nothing happened. We definitely dodged a bullet. Thank you God!

Electricity is Awesome and some awesome parenting!

Friday we had a proper hurricane party with the neighbors. We made our master bedroom into 'The Saferoom' by boarding up the windows with plywood. I tucked the kids into my bed and then proceeded to go outside in the wind and get drunk off my ass! Smart, right? I think it was just a coping mechanism for dealing with the hurricane. I puked in the street and my 15 year old neighbor walked me home. Apparently I babbled on about how she should never drink and after she deposited me into my house, I smiled and said, "Happy Hurricane!" Then I curled up with my kids and passed out.

Jeff was full of even more drunk awesomeness! After I went home, my neighbors watched him follow me inside 2 minutes later. The party was over, the wind was picking up, and all the families went into their own houses to hunker down for the storm. This was around 10pm. Over the next 3 hourse Jeff went on a little adventure. He was still ready to party apparently. His wife, who is usually the voice of reason, was passed out so he was free to wander the neighborhood in search of more fun. He doesn't remember being out at all during these 3 hours but various neighbors vouched for good time guy. We were told that he puked in one friends yard, he snoozed in another friends yard, and then he knocked on the door at 1:30 in the morning at another friends door 'to see how they were doing.' Rick was still awake and so he stood outside and hung out with Jeff and laughed when Jeffs hat blew away. I'm so glad this was Jeff's last stop because Rick is responsible and I'm sure he told Jeff to go home before he blew away.

I woke up at 3:00am to the howling wind. Kennen was up with me and he was my little buddy. We ate a bowl of cereal together and looked at the storm on tv. I saw Jeff sleeping on the couch and I covered him with a blanket...having no idea that he probably had just gotten home. He is such a shithead...but he's my shithead. The power went out at 3:30 and Kennen and I cuddled up. He kept murmuring, "it's wowd!" "it's dart!" "Mommy, big hur-wa-cane" "it's big, not tiny" goodness I love that boy. Kimberly slept through the entire thing!

We were lucky enough for our power to turn back on at around 12:00 noon the next day so that is only about 9 hours without power. I feel bad because there are many parts of Houston that are still without electricity. Once the power turned back on Kimberly was flipping through the channels on the tv and she said, "Electricity is Awesome!"

The End.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

This just in from Dr. N

My neighbor just sent this update to us. Ike is going to still be a Cat 3 when it is on land just 15 miles south of me.



The hurricane is coming! Okay I must admit I am excited but a little skurred. I have water, food and a gun. I should be all set, right? Category 3? Direct hit on Houston? woo hoo

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Things that nightmares are made of.

What scares you? The dark? A bumpy ride in an airplane?

Want to know what scares me? When I go to the dentist and he says that he must crown my 6 year olds tooth with a SILVER crown. What the fuck? Am I living in the ghetto? Am I just uptight? Should I just embrace baby's first bling? Should I celebrate this by requesting a diamond encrusted "K" on her new grillz.

I'm going to call my local dentist Dr. Poop. You can know his true identity by removing the last two letters in his name. If you google him and go to his website, he will allay your fears. He will make you feel like going to the dentist is fun! He will make you think that even though he isn't 'in network' on your PPO that he is worth the extra money because he is up to date on technology and aesthetics. His silly smile on the 'about me' page will make you think that he is great with children. He has a choo choo train whizzing around the ceiling of his roof. When you walk into his office your kids will feel at east because 'Beauty and the Beast' is blaring on the tv in the corner of the room. There are puzzles! Toys! Smiling receptionists!

But let me tell you something. Dr. Poop is no different than Krusty the Klown. He is the angry carnie at the fair. Oh yes he is wearing brightly colored scrubs with choo choo trains on them, but he is an ASS! He tries to pretend that he likes children but I am quite sure that he is in the back room drinking whiskey sours while the sedation is kicking in on his little patients. Yes I said sedation. That is what he recommended to my perfectly cooperative 6 year old. I must pay $175 for 'kiddie cocktail'. "She wont remember anything," he tells me. It isn't even necessary to stay with her during the procedure. I can go and further my suburban mommy image and go next door for a pastry and coffee.

"What about laughing gas?" I asked. They don't do laughing gas. The children are a little too coherent on laughing gas apparently. I guess this 'pediatric dentist' just doesn't want to deal with the antics of his 'pediatric' patients.

You know what though? It is less about the snarky attitude he showed my 6 year old. It is less about the overpriced 'kiddie cocktail'. It is more about the metal crown he thinks is appropriate for my child. This is what freaks me out:

Kim only needs one piece of bling in her mouth but there is no fucking way. I found another dentist that has porcelin faced stainless steel crowns. I am having her x-rays transferred. I have heard from another neighbor that he is an ass too. At this point though, I think I will choose the ass that will keep my 6 year old from looking like....Okay I can't post a pic of a child with a silver tooth. That would make me asshole of the year. Lets just say I don't want my daughter looking like Paul Wall.

Monday, September 8, 2008


How about a hurricane? You want one? Do you? Are you ready for a mutha phunk-in hurricane?
Well ready or not, here he comes! Bring it Ike! I've been waiting for 2 years now to feel the wind blow! Don't disappoint me this time!

Friday, September 5, 2008

A very important date!

Last week Jeff took a half a day off work, we found a babysitter and we had a date! Can you believe it? A DATE! Woo hoo!

We got ready together, flossed together, brushed together and got in the truck and had to hurry to not be late for our reservations...at the dentist! Did you know that dentists take couples? Yeah me neither. When I called the office to make appointments for both of us, the receptionist said that we could come in together. "Couples do it all the time." Wow. Who knew?

We were in rooms side by side and it actually was pretty fun because we were talking through the walls to each other. When the dentist came into my room I told her that just sitting in the dentist chair makes me nervous. That's when Jeff yelled out, "I'm here for you baby!" Me and the dentist were cracking up.

Guess who had more cavities? That would be me. I have 7 and Jeff only has 1! I call bullshit on that. I've seen the man brush his teeth. His technique is not so much about taking time to brush the scuzz off and but more about speed. And...AND my gums are in rough shape too. She did the stabby test where she check how deep she can sink her metal spikey thing into my gums and I have mostly 3's and 4's and even a couple of 5's. Time to start flossing I suppose!

After I was done with my cleaning, I heard Jeff try to ask the dentist how many cavities I had. She told him he had to ask me himself! After he was done we went to the receptionist to schedule our fillings and Jeff gave me so much shit for my 7 cavities! I told him he needs to shut his pie hole. Our dentist vouched for me and said that birthing his little ankle biters probably contributed to my cavity prone teeth.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Sounds about right...

Your Issue Profile: 28% Obama, 72% McCain

When it gets down to it, you tend to best match John McCain.

But he's not the perfect candidate for you, and you may not be sold on him yet.

Obama shares a good number of your views too, so you might want to give him a second look.

It all comes down to which issues matter to you the most.

Use it or lose it!

That is how I feel about writing lately. Totally uninspired and when I do try to blog, it's dull dull dull.

Where is the witty banter that my fingers are usually posessed with? Writing just feels so forced. I guess because I have been neglecting my writing self. I am forcing myself to blog today and you, my few faithful readers, will have to endure a few shitty posts until I get my mojo back.

This morning was picture day and I had the best little Janie and Jack outfit picked out and ready to go. The only problem is that Kimberly had a major aversion to 'green'. "Green is not my thing Mom"

WTF? It was a pink top with a few green stripes and after I wrestled her into it, she slumped her shoulders and cried. Damnit. We rummaged through her closet and found a shirt that was acceptable to both of us and I angrily was steaming it in the bedroom. Jeff was still in bed listening to Kim and I argue and I said,

"Ask Daddy if he thinks what I picked out is cute or not." This is where he rolled over and said, "I'm just going to stay out of it..." then 10 seconds later he was 'snoring again.' Kimmy and I kept snipping back and forth at each other over how horrible/lovely the color green is. I said, "You don't have to wear it today for pictures, but you are definitely wearing it tomorrow!" Kimmy groaned, rolled her eyes and said "FINE!". Then Jeff started laughing. Aha! I knew he was fake sleeping. What a turd.