Friday, March 30, 2007

Exciting news!!!

Well...exciting news to a bored housewife anyway.

Our solar screens were installed today. The majority (17) of our windows have west exposure and it is unbareably hot in the evenings. I totally feel a noticable difference in the temperature of my house now. Last year we had a $500 electric bill (this is with me keeping the thermostat at 78!!!! And suffering and sweating every day from 3:00pm 'till 7:00pm) and I will be damned if that happens again.

I have been having migraines lately too that seem to be induced by bright or fluorescent lights. I hate lazyness but I have even been napping in the afternoons when it is really bright in my house. In the midst of my headaches it feels like my choices to make my headache go away are either take a nap or figure out a way to remove my head from the rest of my body. I think a nap is a better choice, no?

I am sacricifing some visibility and on an overcast day like today some people (like my husband) might think that it's a little too shady but I lovelovelove it.

More exciting news is that I went to Kimberly's kindergarten orientation last night. The school is really close so I walked over with Bung Chow and Dr. N. (hahaha...Patty, you have the best nickname! It makes me miss my funny hubby.). We moved to this neighborhood because of the exemplary schools and last night when the Principal of the school stood up and said, "Welcome parents! Your kids are going to the best school on the planet!", it suddenly made the 3.77% property tax finally seem worth it. Because let me tell's a stretch for us! She also assured us that in her 8 years of being a principal that she has never once lost a student. **whew**

She also started her speech by saying that the number one thing we should do is enjoy our kids. She said, "You've had your baby with you for 5 years now and I'm sure it seems like it went by really fast. Just 6 more years they will be starting middle school."

This is the part where I cried. Then Patty cried. Awww, we're a bunch of saps. I will tell you this though, I'm so glad that Kimberly will have Patty's son to start school with. Even though her journey to public school is something she will have to brave independantly from me, at least she will have her best little boy friend with her. As in friend that's a boy. Even though she says she's gonna marry him. Oy vay!

Thursday, March 29, 2007

The evil republican* in me likes this...

I got this email today and it really entertained me...

Tax system

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go somethinglike this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. "Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amount each should pay. And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before and the first four continued to drink for free, but once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar out of the $20, "declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got $10!" "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got TEN times more than I!" "That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!""Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill .

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible .

*This evil Republican still thinks Bush is an out of control gun slingin' case you wondered. :)

Let's make a deal...

Jeff has been one crusty crab the last few days. His job is pretty stressful and sometimes he brings home all of his grumpy ass baggage. Fortunately for us I can tell when he is trying to pick a fight and I didn't let that fight happen. My husband is a little compulsive. He is a very high energy person and insead of getting worn out, he gets wound up. He needs some sort of 'release'. I'm not talking sex here. I'm talking a 4 day fishing trip by himself to some tiny waterway in Illinois that he once caught a Musky in. Actually a ton of Musky and Walleye.

I know he's stressed but there is no way in Hell that I'm letting him galavant off by himself and like always I'm stuck with the kids. I love my babies but I never...get...a...fucking...break! And I need one really bad. He was trying to convince me that it was just a quick trip and he neeeeeeeeeeds to fish and he's gotta get away. Hmm, nope sorry. No sympathy here. I neeeeeeeeeeeed to get away too. Not gonna happen.


That's until he offered to fly out my Mom with his frequent flyer miles. Hellz yeah! Nobody takes care of me like my Mom and I need a little TLC. Just someone to make me a sandwich. To sit with me and talk about how beautiful the blue wall in my dining room is. How I have always hated blue but how it really was such a great choice... Since she is my mom she gets excited about everything I do...cuz she's my mom. She has this cheerleader quality and she will be sweet and ooohhhhh and ahhhhhh over everything. I miss my mom. :( I need to somehow convince her to retire down the street from me. Housing is super duper cheap in Houston. Maybe I can convince her...probably not. But I can have her for 2 whole days all to myself. Ahhhhh...

And Jeff will drive 15 hours to catch a fish. I think I definitely got the better end of the deal. As soon as everything was agreed on and the tickets were purchased, suddenly my funny sweet husband was back. I was still bitchy toward him but then he made me laugh and now we are good.

He even cleaned the kitchen. Holy shit! He must be happy!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Fun morning!

This morning I got to go with Kimmy-girl to preschool and have 'Muffins with Mom'. I usually don't like this sort of thing. I hate Gymboree and toddler story time at the Library. Do I think I'm too cool to sit in a circle and sing little bunny foo foo? Yes I do. :) Don't get me wrong...I sing to my kids, read them stories, play silly games, talk to them like a shrieking fool...I just do it in the privacy of my own home. :)

I was actually really excited for Muffins with Mom. I get to check up on where I send my precious firstborn two times a week. I get to meet her friends, chit chat with her teachers, look at her art work. I was honored to be invited to peek into a part of her world that is sort of a mystery to me. When we first go there her teacher asked us to guess which picture was drawn by our kids. The kids were told to draw a pic of their Mommy and were asked a few question that were written on the bottom of the pictures. How old is Mommy? What makes mommy happy? What is Mommies favorite food? I know Kimberly's art work...her signature 'face' has a mouth that is usually a perfectly straight horizontal line. No frown. All of the pics had nice curvy smiles though so that wasn't helping me. I looked at the questions and one of them said, "What makes Mommy happy? When we don't bother her and leave her alone." Oh crap.

I looked at Kim, "is this it?"


whew! I dodged that bullet. It makes me wonder what Kimberly tells her teachers about me when I'm not there.

I finally found it and I was wearing a shirt that said "Mom" across the front of it. (This is where I brag that my four year old knows how to spell and write mom with a certain degree of clarity.) It said that I was 69 years old (woo hoo! how did she know I liked that number so much?) and that I liked to eat zuchinni and broccoli and that I was happy when Kimberly kissed my smashed knee. Um...okaaaaay.

I had a really good time though. Her teachers and her classmates were all great but I was a little bummed to see that there wasn't a "Mom" connection there. Well, I could see being friends with one of the moms but no play dates were set up. I don't know if I'm brave enough to call her up out of the blue and ask her to come over and play. She does have a 2 year old little boy so it might be kind of perfect. When I lived in Springfield, Il I had to be brave because I was so desperately lonely. I would have invited over that nice Mom for lunch that day! I used to go to McDonalds and scope out the play land to see who I should sit closer to in hopes that Kimberly would play with their kids. I trained her from a very young age to go up to strange children and say, "Hi! I'm you want to play with me?" Yes it's true...I used my toddler to make friends.

Jeff was the one I had to thank for meeting Eva though. He talked to her husband when we were at a chinese food buffet and pretty much set up a play date for us. After Eva and I became great friends she told me that the first night she met me she was annoyed because I smiled so much. Tee hee...I smiled because I knew that I was going to make her be my friend whether she liked it or not. :)

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

My epiphany

Yesterday i was be-bopping around my kitchen with my i-Pod on (ever since my introduction to the iPod there is now no other way to clean the kitchen) and that old Destiny's child song, Independant woman, came on. I remember shaking my ass in college to this song and grinding on all my friends to make the boys drool...ah memories. Anyway, the nostalgia was too strong to resist and instead of ass shakin', I be-bopped (since I'm a dorky ass mother of 2 now) and sang, "The rock I'm rockin'...I bought it, the car I'm drive-in'...I bought it, the house I live in...I bought it...I depend on me"

God Damnit.

I haven't had to file taxes for the last 2 years because I haven't worked for even a minute outside of the home. All of my financial security depends on the fact that my husband loves me. He adores me. He is in awe of me. I have a stange voo doo power over him that causes him to deposit all of his paycheck into my account and than ask me for spending money. And sometimes I tell him no and he might grumble about it but he continues to give me everything. I don't know how that happened. I am grateful though.

I told him about my epiphany (because he is my best friend and who else would care to listen?) and he just laughed and laughed.

"It's about time you realized that woman! Make me a chicken pot pie!" (We moved to Houston a year ago and the Texas pride is infectious and my Scottsdale brat of a husband loves talking like a hillbilly.)

Anyway, I guess I should be a little nicer to my cash cow. The reason we were cleaning is because after him working all week long, I have the nerve to bitch at him about not helping enough around the house. So instead of spending Sunday morning watching 'Fishing with Roland Martin" he got up and weed whacked the yard and then fertilized it while entertaining the kids so I could clean the kitchen in peace.

I'm a lucky girl.