okay...maybe he is ready

I bought the potty chair today and when we got home and tried it out, he was waaaaaay to big for the chair. He would be able to poop in there but his, um...bubblegum, was resting outside of the basin and wouldn't hang so if he peed, urine would probably hit me, and go nowhere near the toilet. He is a huge child and his butt and thighs take up the entire little circle that the manufacturer provided for him to pee in. I need to get a bigger chair because this just wont work.

Aren't you lucky...my mommy blog is turning into a potty blog!

It does a body good!

So I have gone walking twice this week. On wednesday I walked the mall before the stores opened and I did 2 miles without a problem. I was loving the air conditioning, my iPod, and the window shopping. The only problem was that I ended up shopping for real after the stores opened. Oh, and then Rhona met me there and we ate burger king for lunch. And yes I had the King sized whopper meal. With a diet coke. Apparently I have no control when it comes to food anymore.

Then yesterday I had Kennen's meet the teacher at preschool in the morning, so I missed work out time at the mall. No big deal, I just popped him in the stroller and started walking. I left at noon. In Texas. In August. not a good idea. I went about 3 miles this time but I was so wiped out from the sun, humidity and heat, that I just layed on the sofa and watched tv until Kim got off the bus. I have always hated to exercise. And this was the reason why. I don't like sweat. I don't like fatigue. BUT, today I feel fantastic! I am all bright eyed and bushy tailed. I'm taking a day off from walking today because it hurts to walk now but tomorrow, I'm back on my routine.

Kennen's meet the teacher went great! He is so sweet and excited. He kept saying, "Nenen ool!" (Kennen's School). His teacher asked me if he was potty trained, I said no. She asked how long I had been potty training him, and I said I wasn't. She asked me how old he was, I told her 29 months. She raised a judgmental eyebrow at me. I know what she's thinking. He is *old enough* to start the process, but I truely don't think he's ready. He has hit every milestone late. Except for the physical ones, like doing somersaults at 1 year old. My plan was to not even try until he is 3 years old, and here is my theory why. I think that children are just wired to use the bathroom and be able to pull down pants, get on the potty, wipe, flush, pull their own pants up and wash their hands when they are 3. Everything else before that is just mosty work for the parents. I think a 3 year old *knows* when they need to go, and doesn't need to be reminded the way a 2 year old needs to be reminded. Kennen already struggles with speech, with interpersonal relationships, with emotional coping skills. I don't want to give him another thing to struggle with that will cause him to doubt himself even more. Oh, and I wont use pull ups because I think they prolong the process also, so I want to be absolutely sure he is ready. Maybe I sound like an idiot and I am looking into this way to much, but I have done this before. Kim was completely potty trained at 2 1/2. Then she had a brother and it all went to shit. She wasn't potty trained officially until she was *gasp* 3. My good friend Rhona has a little girl that was terrified of the potty and screamed and trembled whenever she was made to sit on it. Rhona didn't make an issue out of it and one day her little girl said that she wanted big girl panties and wanted to go on the potty. She went for the first time and never had an accident. She was 3.

However, I'm going to give it a run today. I just want to be sure that my instincts are correct before I put up too much resistance. I'm off to super target (my home away from home) to buy a potty, boxer briefs, stamps and ink for a reward. We shall see how it goes!

Question

So I have a question. Will having my kids in school make me want to have another baby or will it make me want to get a job. Decisions, decisions.

So far, I'm thinking neither. Am I allowed to say that? After all the feminists went through over the last 100+ years, isn't it a huge slap in the face to all my fore-mothers to just stay home and have babies. And be happy with that? And when your kids are in school, am I allowed to be satisfied with taking a step down from being a stay at home mom, to being a housewife. I'm toying with the idea. Jeff keeps making more and more money, the kids keep getting more and more independant.

Yuck! I'm already sick to my stomach with that prospect, so thanks for letting me have a socratic dialogue with y'all out there in cyberspace. I know there is no way I could do that. Taking care of my babies has a purpose, but being an unpaid housekeeper? Um, no thanks.

Caring for my children has been the most personally fulfilling thing I have ever done. I think it's probably just biology. All I have to say about that is thank you natural instincts, because I know I didn't want a baby when I was in college and pregnant with Kimberly. I didn't want to be pregnant (although I was), I didn't want to stop smoking and drinking(although I did), I didn't want to stop going to clubs and dancing on the bar (yep! stopped doing that too!). I didn't want to move 3 hours away because I quit my job (in a bar, as a cocktail waitress). I *did* want to get married. Jeff and I talked about it before I got pg, but we were usually drunk, but fortunately he really meant it too. Deep inside I knew what I had to do because I didn't matter anymore. I've learned to be selfless and surrender to being a mother. And it's the best thing I've done. It's my favorite thing to do. It could have happened a little later in life. Babies having babies. Okay, I was 23 so I technically was an adult but. Omg, I have to stop right here.

I actually had her a month before my 23rd birthday.

I had a baby at 22. hang on, i'm having a moment here.

Twenty fucking two? I only had a year where I could legally get into a bar? Wow. Maybe that's why Mama like's to drink with the neighbors on the weekends so much!

Kennen starts preschool next week, so we shall see how I do with the spare time. I could get a job in the mall at Banana Republic. :) Then I could spend my whole paycheck there. :)) And I could walk to the food court and eat at Cinnabun everyday :)))

Or, I could put freshly cut flowers from my garden into the 79cent vases I bought at IKEA the other day.

School days

Yesterday Kimberly got on the bus, went to school, got back on the bus at the end of the day and and got off at the right stop. It all went down without a hitch. I only teared up a little. ;)

I can't believe how much I got done now that she's in school! I just did some light housekeeping, went to IKEA, came home to a clean(!) house and then cleaned some more. It's amazing how much less work only taking care of one child is. I'm so glad that she's going every day! Oh, and she was so tired when she got home. Excited and fulfilled, but very tired. Here is a photo recap of our day:

Here Comes the bus!
She gave me one last happy girl smile before she boarded the bus.

I ran up to the school after the bus drove away and stalked her like a crazy lady. I guess she saw the flash of my camera and looked back and saw me. She wasn't happy to see me either. She turned to her friend, rolled her eyes and said, "Why is my Mom here?" I was trying to be incognito to keep from upsetting her with my presence. I didn't want her to want me and cry and throw a fit and refuse to go to class unless she sat on my lap all day. Okay, maybe I did want that. But hard as nails Kimmy-girl quickly put me in my place. Here she is from behind...in the pink backpack.
Here she is at her table:

Here is a token picture of my buddy boy:

Then I spent the rest of the day at IKEA. I ate...I shopped...I ate some more. Those Swedish folks at ikea really know how to cook. I could eat meatballs all day. And potatoes. And lingonberry sauce. And coffee. And cinnamon rolls. I'm regretting not getting the apple cake. If it wasn't so far from my house, I would go again today. But traffic getting there yesterday was hell and I'm not doing it again. Thanks for driving Rhona!

I met Kim at the bus stop in the afternoon and greeted her with a juice box. I tried to pump her for information but I didn't get much. She said the bathrooms have tile on the floor *and* the wall so they have to whisper when they go potty because it gets really loud in there. Oh, and the school lunch was delicious. So was the snack I packed for her, but tomorrow could she have sour cream and onion pringles? These are the important things in a 5 year olds life.

Why?

Why is it when you want to lose 10 lbs and decide to 'diet' all you can think about it food? the kitchen is whispering my name. I've gained 10 lbs this summer and it has got to go before Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I'm afraid that if I pack on holiday weight on top of what I already have packed on, that it will never go away. Plus I just feel uncomfortable. Clothes too tight. Bah. Grrrr. sigh...

The up side to my weight gain is that I know the only reason I gained it is because I'm happy. Whenever I am sad, stressed, or anxious I lose weight without thinking about it. I'm in a really good place now and I've learned to enjoy what I have, and not to worry about something terrible happening that will cause my house of cards to fall. If I think about it, bad things have happened every few years for my entire life. Big bad things that cause me to think happiness is an illusion. But I've kept my chin up (which I attribute solely to my Mom with the positive outlook on life) and now here I am. Fat and happy. :)

Do you think that pico de gallo and tortilla chips is a good diet? Maybe throw in avacado and shrimp for protein? Everyone together now: MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm!

Me and my peeps

LMAO!

Ok, I know I just posted, but I opened my email and my mother in law sent me a link to this. Do you think she is trying to send a message? Don't get me wrong...I love her to pieces. She's fun and funny and so generous in helping with the kiddos and she really does mean no harm. Sometimes...just wow.

Server down?

Was anyone as pissed as I was that blogger was down this morning? I have a routine damnit! Wake up, change a diaper, feed some kids, feed a dog, get coffee and read some blogs. I felt lost. Well, I guess it wasn't so bad. I took a bubble bath instead. Yes I drank my coffee in the tub. And yes I quickly became overheated. And then my bon bons melted.

Lah di dah...what else. Oh, the kids sprayed the dog with febreeze. Not just a little spritz for freshness but she was soaking wet. I can't really blame them. She friggin stinks still. She's going to the groomer on Friday! The kids also smeared baby oil all over the dog and she sat her doggy body in my lap and ruined my shorts with grease stains. Nice. Thanks kids. I think they used my bare minerals foundation brush to apply the oil because it's covered in baby oil too. And exfoliating body scrub. I always ask myself, "WHAT IS THAT STICKY SHIT ALL OVER THE GODDAMN FLOOR?" Apparently now I know. I need to put child locks on my bathroom cabinets. Either that or supervise my children. Note to self...quiet kids=destruction of personal hygeine products.

I've also been reading some new blogs lately. I'm posting them over-------> there if you want to ch-check them out.

Want to know what I miss? This guy:
I am counting the hours until I can tuck in the kids, crack open a Stella Artois and wait up for my baby to get home.

Our weekend

Tomorrow is Kimberly's meet the teacher night. I'm really happy with Kim's new teacher. I've heard great things and she seems like the epitomy of a kindergarten teacher. She just has that sweet look.

Whaaaaaa! My baby is going to school.


Tonight she stayed up late with me and I just held her and she just let me. I looked at her and couldn't help but wonder if I've done a good enough job. I wanted to cry and tell her I will miss her and ask her if I've done a good enough job and beg her forgiveness for not paying attention to every second and every breath and for letting time slip through my fingers without saturating myself in every moment of her smallness. Of course I wont because she draws her strength from me and she needs to be strong to get on that bus and leave home for 8 hours by herself. I looked at her little fingers and her wispy hair and tried to drink in the remainder of her babyness. But it's all gone. She can write, she can count, she can add, she knows her phone number and her address, she is sarcastic. She even cries like a big girl now. I see her lip quiver and her eyes fill with tears and watch her as she takes a deep breath tries to compose herself. It's like all of the sudden she has left the garden of eden and now she's ashamed to cry.
OMG it's just happened so fast.

Whew! I needed that! Lets talk about other stuff, -k-?

Kimberly went to a girly party this weekend. She got there and all the little girls got to pick out a gown, get their hair and makeup done, pick out jewelry to wear, and do the limbo and the Macarena. It was so much fun! I took a million pictures. At the end, all the little girls sat around the table and had cake and pink lemonade. It was a little girls dream. Apparently it was a big girls dream too because at the end of the party, I didn't want to leave. I lingered in the gift shop in the front and fussed and fawned over all the cute stuff they were selling, and bought Kimberly another Webkinz. A koala this time named Rosie Posie. Here's a pic of Kimmy-girl getting her hair did at the birthday party:

Hannah Banana Shazama Montana is settling in nicely. Oh, and the vet called and told me she has hookworms. Gross. And her Kennel Cough is working its way out of her body. She keeps hacking up puddles of goo all over my floor. Nice. She is on medication for both so all she needs now is a trip to the groomers. Her hair is so long that the poor dear can hardly see. It's all good though...I've come up with a solution: Hannah got her hair did too!

And here is a picture of Kennen just because. Jeff calls him the infallible child because he says I favor him. Pshaw! That's just silly. I favor a bubble bath and a good book!

Gardening...I've stooped to a new level of boring :)

Okay, so from the look of Hurricane Deans projected path, I will be more that safe here in Texas. I'm not at all disappointed but I will say I was a liiiiiiiitle excited to see exactly what a storm like that was like. What do 100 mph winds look like? Sound like? Its for the best. My landscaping is safe. Speaking of landscaping...want to see it? Ok, here you go.

This first picture used to just be a muddy slosh pit. We had french drains put in but we always had standing water after it rained (did you know that Houston has more annual rainfall than Seattle? It's true!) Anyway, I was sick of the mosquitos and I was sick of the mud pit so I planted bulbs. Too many bulbs as I can now see because these leaves are all fighting for space and sunlight...


...as you can see here:
It's a mix of Caladiums, Elephant ears, Ginger and Potato vines. I wonder which species of plant will come out on top, and literally smother the life out of the others. I guess I could thin them out, but there are too many fucking mosquitos in that corner still. West nile virus anybody? Um, no thanks!

This vine across the back wall is starting to take shape. It will be gorgeous when it's all filled in, no?

Those spikey grassy things are weeds and have been pulled. That ivy looking viney thing creeping across the ground is a weed too, but it's a pretty weed so it gets to live. Plus if it floourishes and becomes a groundcover, we wont have to remulch our planter beds every 6 months. It's probably not my first choice for a groundcover but it is free and apparently it wants to live in my backyard, so I guess I'll let it. :)

Here is one of the beds in our front yard. I planted the Elephant ears but Kimberly and Jeff picked out all the flowers. Pink and purple from my Kimmy-girl, of course.

Too bad I can't get our Magnolia trees to bloom. I think the leaves on Magnolia trees are ugly because they are brown on the underside. But they are lovely for about a month in the springtime when they bloom so that makes them worth having to me.

Oh, and most importantly...Here is the grass. It has been loved and petted and preened by my husband...isn't it something to behold?

Oh, and just pretend to not see that brown patch of grass. That was from the Round-Up weed (and grass) killer fiasco last month. It's a touchy subject for Jeff and nobody wants to see a grown man cry.

Ruh-roh!

The upper left hand corner of the map shows where I live. I'm about 50 miles inland so even if it says a category 4 we will maybe get 70mph winds and rain but not enough to carry our house away. Yikes! My first hurricane!

Aunt Stella!

Yes I'm and aunt now for the second time! My sister in law delivered yesterday at 4:14pm and their little girl was 7lbs 4 oz! Big girl for being 2 weeks early! I'm so proud of Jen for getting through MONTHS of bedrest. She and my brother Steve are going to be great parents and I'm so glad that they finally have their little girl. I love you guys! Now I just need to scrape together some money to go and visit them! The thought of 3 plane tickets and a rental car, or the crazy 18 hour road trip I did last year (by myself!) both sound daunting. I will have unlimited free babysitting because I have the best inlaws in the world and that in itself makes the trip worthwhile. Oh, and I can't wait to get my hands on my new baby niece. :)

I have an ear infection. Every time there is a loud noise, I hear this digital buzzing sound and everything in the room starts to tilt. Ok, I'm going to share something really disgusting. Went to the dr. for my ear thing and when she tried to look in my ear, she said that they were 'impacted' and sent me home to do some home earwax removal sessions and said to come back later and she will remove whatever I couldn't get. I did as the dr. ordered and went back yesterday evening and she still couldn't get it. She said go home and do more home treatments and come back in the morning. Well, all I'm gonna say is that the 'thing' that came out of my ear...well I guess I'll just say that I didn't know that the hole into my ear was large enough to hold the cocopuff that I pulled out. Yep...size shape and color of a fucking piece of cocopuff cereal. Jeff was in a really grumpy mood yesterday and was treating me like it was my fault that he only slept for 2 hours on the plane back from Alaska.

I went over to him and said, "I have something that will cheer you up!" and I held out my hand to show him and he gagged and wretched and laughed and looked at me like he didn't even know me. Yep, this girl definitely knows how to impress her husband!

dogblog

So I though that I would step back from writing for a few days because this is a mommyblog, not a doggyblog, but all I can think about is Hannah. Wonderful Hannah Banana Shazama Montana. Hotlanta. I love her. I've told a bunch of people that she is my dog, my comrad and not just a plaything for the kids. The vet confirmed that she recently had a litter of puppies and she does have very motherly qualities. I dont feel like it's another thing I have to feed and clean up after...I really feel that she is here to help me keep the kids in line. She understands my plight. She even tried to lick Kennen's rear end (don't worry, I didn't let her do it) while I was trying to change his poopy diaper the other day. Not in a gross shit eating kind of way, but I felt like she was trying to pitch in Earn her keep. She is grateful to be here. I think it warms her heart to have human babies to love. When Kimberly puts the leash on her and leads her around the house, she sweetly obliges but when they walk past me I can see her smiling and rolling her doggy eyes.

I have sort of dealt with her stinkyness. The vet said that I could put vaseline on her spay scar and give her a hose bath, not a submerged bath. She's softer and fluffier and smells a little better, but i'm still counting the days for her to get a proper fur cut and deep shampoo. When I was bathing her, I saw that she had tick body parts all in the hair of her snout. The Frontline that the pound gave her killed everything before she came home, but I could see that she must have been so miserable with all those bugs on her. Poor thing. I also returned the crate and bought a doggy bed. I don't think it's possible for her to get any calmer or better behaved, so I don't think I need the crate. I bought a really pretty round dog bed instead that matches my living room. :))

Jeff is in Alaska right now. He is there for a meeting but they are having a team building day and as we speak he is drinking beer and Salmon fishing on the Kenai river. Well, he's probably not drinking because fishing trumps drinking in his mind. I know he is over the moon right now and it makes me happy that he's so happy. Oh, and he's going to ship the salmon home, yum!

Oh, and my pots and pans came in the mail yesterday. They are awesome! I must be getting old when I'm more excited about my new pots and pans than I am about my new vibrator. Ok, they both are pretty fun!

Hannah's First day home.

Well here she is. I am never excited about other people animals (until now!), so I can't really blame you if you want to check back in a day or two when I have gotten over the initial excitement of my new pet. Or you could just humor me because you love me and tell me my doggy is cute. :)

I love this dog because she loves my kids. I'm totally convinced that she is older than the advertised 3 years old because she just doesn't...do doggy stuff. She did finally chew on rawhide bones and she did bark at a man that was taking a walk behind our house today. It was a very proud moment for me. I heard a 'woofwoofwoof' and I looked out the window and Hannah was prancing around the back yard all territorial and barking at a jogger.

I totally hit the doggy jackpot. :)

Hannah (Montana) the dog!

OMG! I love my new doggy. We named her Hannah and she is seriously the sweetest thing. She hasn't barked. She poops only on the side of the yard. She likes people food but she doesn't beg or snatch things from the kids hands. She lets Kimberly dote on her, and put the leash on her and walk her around everywhere. And she lets Kimberly tuck her in with a pillow and a blanket. When Kennen sees her and squeals in her face she just licks him gently and wags her tail politely. I absolutely feel like I won the doggy jackpot. I think she is older than 3 years old. She.is.so.calm. I almost worry about her lack of dog behavior. Well, I guess I should say that she lacks the behavior of any dog that I've ever had because my dog training ability leaves something to be desired. I take her to the vet tomorrow to make sure she gets a clean bill of health.

Oh, there is this one thing though. She fucking stinks so bad. There is a green cloud lingering around her and when she saunters by you catch a whiff. I can't wait for her spay scar to heal so I can take her to the groomer. I want soft fluffy fur and I want to be able to see her eyes. I love my dog. I'm so happy!

Honestly though, it scares me a little. Perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect house, perfect friends, perfect neighborhood, perfect dog. Doesn't the word 'perfect' start to look misspelled after you see it several times in a row? Anyway, all this perfection makes me uneasy. I guess that's just a side effect of a painful childhood where things were far from easy. I'm not used to this and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've decided that I'm not going to fix the broken a/c in my car. Maybe I'm crazy but I feel like I need to suffer a little so I don't lose my mind.

p.s. Want to know another great thing that I'm loving about Hannah? She goes around the house and eats all the crumbs off the floor! Less sweeping for me...yipee!

Empty crate...

Well, Alan the dog man talked to me yesterday and told me that he thinks that Mateo the dog would be nippy with children and that our family wasn't a good fit. :( I'm disappointed. Kimberly cried when we told her that we weren't getting Mateo (whom we were going to name Elvis) but she got over it really quickly. Jeff told her that we were going to go on a dog hunt tomorrow and we would see if there were any other doggies that would be a good fit for our family. Honestly, I dwelled on it more than the kids did. I just think that Alan the dog man tagged us all wrong and that Mateo would be an excellent fit, but what can I do? Jeff offered to go and beat him up for me, but I said that wasn't necessary. I love my meat-head husband! He sure knows how to make a girl feel special. :)

Since we didn't have a dog to sleep in the cage last night, the kids decided to give it a try:



Today I got the kids up and ready to head out on our dog hunt. They were really excited...Kennen was dressed for the occasion. Doesn't he look like a very large child for not being able to talk?

I was really excited too! (did I mention that our new frequent flier miles camera finally arrived? Fuji Finepix s700 and it rocks!)

First we looked at the puppies and I felt like hyperventilating at the thought of training them. I shuffled the kids out of there quickly.

Then we went into the big dog room and it was LOUD! We walked through and tried to just focus on the smallish dogs. I saw one sweet little gray guy that was just terrified. He was shaking and just looked to sad. It made me sad but not as sad as the prospect of my children getting bitten by a skittish dog. I moved on. Kimberly saw one dog and she squealed with delight! It was a lab/beagle mix and had such cute markings on its face. In the cage next to it was a medium sized curly haired doggy that could barely see because her hair was so long! Neither of these dogs were barking at us or trying to crash through the cage, so I selected to see each of them in the private room with the kids to see what their personalities were like. The first dog was a 8 month old that I like to call 'Blur'. That's because she moved really fast and reminded me of my old crazy sweet hyper dog April that I never seemed to train. Kimberly said that this was definitely the dog she wanted but I decided to bring 'Maxine' (her temporary alias) into the room too. She was calm. She walked on a leash. She gave lots of kisses. She didn't jump on the kids, or startle when they were screaming like crazy banshees. She is a leaner. She will not merely sit or stand like a regular dog, but she must be touching you at all times.

Like this:

Here's another cute shot. Can you imagine her with clean fur and a hair cut? She stunk really bad so as soon as she is healed up from being spayed, I'm taking her to the groomer.

Can't you just see her with clean fluffy hair, pink tongue hanging out of her mouth, running through the yard? Yeah...me too!

woof!

Every once in awhile I check craigslist for their wares. I was supposed to be looking for more workout equipment for Jeff, but I checked out the pets section and I fell in love.

I have been thinking about getting a pet for awhile now...mostly for the kids. Kimberly gets teary eyed and says that she wishes she had her own dog. Kennen barks like a dog. That means he must be interested in dogs too, right?

Anyway, the doggy I saw was a year old and something in his little face just made me melt. He is a Pomeranian/Schipperke mix and is about a year old. He is a small dog, but sturdy enough to withstand 2 playful kids. I decided to go and take a look at him and Rhona and her 2 kids came with me. The four of them were just gushing over the doggy...then they were arguing who got to hold the leash...then they ran into a fire ant hill and started screaming...then a doggy tail got pulled. And the entire time, this sweet dog just wagged his tail and stood there calmly. He could be tricking me. Jeff and I have both been fooled by animals wishing to be adopted. I had the most hyper dog in the friggin planet named April, but when I chose her at the dog pound, she was sweet and serene and rested her weary puppy cheek against the back of my hand. When I picked her up the next day after she was spayed, she was a maniac. She was jumping and leaping and bounding with glee. She ran circles inside my 1989 two door toyota corolla all while dripping blood everywhere from her spay incision. She was crazy until she ran away from my mom. My mom tried to chase her down and ended up falling and needing thousands of dollars of dental work. Stupid dog. Poor Mom! Jeff one time bought a cat that acted like it loved him at the kitty pound but when Jeff brought it home, he didn't see it again for years because all of the sudden it hated men and would hide under his moms bed whenever Jeff was in the house. His mom still has that cat. They love each other.

Anyway, I adopted a dog and he will be coming home tomorrow evening after he gets neutered. I'm excited to finally have found a small, older but not too old, calm nice dog that wont bite my kids. I could be wrong...I have been tricked in the past...but I think that little Mateo will be a great addition to our family.

Isn't Mateo a cute name? The man I am buying him from named him that. I love it but nobody else in my house likes it. Well, Kennen might like it but he still doesn't speak very well, so he's not really in a position to side with me. We were at dinner at IHOP tonight and Kim kept saying, "Lets name him 'Black Man with poison'." I tried to shush her because people were staring but she kept saying it over and over again really loud. Finally she giggled and said, "Sorry...saying 'poison' is rude huh? How 'bout just Black Man?". I told her to hush up and eat her pancakes.
We might name him Pepper but I am still rooting for Mateo. Here are his pics...isn't he beautiful? Aren't you falling in love with his little puppy face as we speak?

Have a happy period!

I have nothing witty to write about. I feel fat. I've gained 5 lbs. And none of it was in my boobs. My ass is fat and I'm breaking out. I can't wait 'till I start my flippin .. <--haha! do you see it? I'm funny...

Aren't you so glad you decided to read my blog today?

Jeff is in po-dunk Oklahoma. I guess I could be doing worse. I get to hang out here and ponder the color of my living room walls and he has to get a tetanus shot before visiting a certain service center because it is such a cesspool of rusted filth.

Kimberly started gymnastics today. She had so much fun! She impressed me by doing a flip on those hanging rings all by herself. I enrolled her in a 4-5 year old class but incidentally her trial class had all 4 year olds and a 3 year old. Oh, and she's tall for her age (no surprise there) and as it stands now she is the oldest and largest child with the lowest level of skill. I don't know why, but I'm not okay with that so I pumped the receptionist for information on which class had more 5 year olds in it. I ended up switching her to the Thursday class. Oh, and the only 2 talkative moms in there were working moms and they spent the hour we were there talking about how much their kids loved daycare how they are superior Mothers for only having one child. They intimidated my flip flop denim capri wearing pms-ing ass with their heels and pearls. With their experience of singleton girls, they couldn't relate to my toddler boy doing all his boyish things...like licking the wall. And they didn't laugh when I told him, "Great! Now you've caught tuberculosis"

Saturday

Today is Saturday and me, the family, and my neighbors went to Pump it Up for a birthday party for a 6 year old boy. As always it was a good time, but on the way home, I started feeling really nauseas and tired and my head was killing me. Ugh...I figured it was a migraine because they had the strobe lights flashing at the party and fluorescent lights always get my migraines started.

I got home, puked my guts out and slept for 2 hours. Now woozy and tired. Was it just from my migraine? Was it that extra piece of birthday cake mixed with a slight hangover? Was it a new pregnancy? That last one is most definitely a no, but a girl can hope can't she? We were talking about it last night and if it weren't for the 1 1/2 year lockdown of pregnancy and nursing, we would get pg immediately. I don't think Jeff want to lose his wife temporarily to a baby and I don't feel like sacrificing my body again. In the 67 months we have been married, I have been pregnant or nursing for 48 of those months. We are starting to have so much fun together right now and I really don't want anything to change. Maybe when Kennen is in school 2 days a week and Kimberly in school 5 days a week, my baby bug will get stronger. But probably not. Not now anyway.

Ugh. I still feel like shit. I don't have it in me to be witty today. Oh, here is something funny though. We had crab grass creeping into our yard, so Jeff took a bottle of Round Up weed killer and sprayed all the crab grass patches in our yard and our neighbors yard. The result? Brown cicrles of dead grass all over his beautiful lawn. Being from Arizona, with the goal being kill the weeds growing through the gravel in your yard, he didn't realize that it was weed and grass killer. Poor guy. He spends every weekend mowing, edging and weed whacking. He has an obsessive personality and fortunately for me, he has made having a perfect lawn his own pet project. He doesn't want to wait and see how long it takes to grow green again so he spent his day cutting out the dead spots and patching it in with new sod.

The funniest part to me was in the middle of each patch of dead grass is one tall green weed...like a big 'F-you' message from the weed gods. :)

Motherhood

I was talking to my friend Rhona yesterday about how motherhood is difficult in new ways as your kids hit different stages of development.

When you have a newborn that just.wont.stop.crying. you feel like you are in the deepest pits of hell. Then when you try to get sympathy from other mothers, they tell you that the infant stage is the easy part. That's when you think this person is the biggest moron. What could be harder than endless crying and no sleep?

Well, now that I have a 5 year old that cries to me because she feels like her friend doesn't like her anymore...I think I've found that this is so much worse. It's a hard knock life and it's bad enough growing up yourself. But you gain wisdom and self esteem and you become comfortable in your own skin.

Now all of the sudden your child is having their first social heartbreak, and it's WORSE than when I was little going through it myself. Doesn't the world know that this is the most special beautiful fun sweet spirited little girl in the whole wide world? What? I just feel that way because I'm her mother? No way. My daughter is amazing and you are blessed to be in the presence of such perfection.

The thing is, Kimberly is going through a very bratty stage and I really can't blame anyone for not wanting to play with her. I can be there for my daughter but I need to give her space to figure this out on her own. But it really really breaks my heart.

27 days and counting...

until my firstborn goes to kindergarten. It makes my stomach flip just thinking about it. I think she is all set on school clothes. She even has a Hannah Montana t-shirt. I think that item of clothing alone makes her feel like a very big girl. She actually has a character shirt that isn't a cartoon...she's big time now.

Yesterday we spent the day hunting down school supplies. I say hunting instead of merely buying because I ended up going to 3 different stores. I do have a question though...why must I buy her 8 glue sticks? Do you really think she will go through 8 sticks of glue? Oh, and I'm also supposed to buy her 10 packets of 12X18 construction paper. 50 pencils? For a girl that can barely write? Um, how 'bout no. This sounds like a redistribution of school supply wealth to me.

Did I ever mention that Kimberly has a castle bank on her dresser? It was a gift from grandpa. Yesterday after coming home from Walmart, Kim was showing Daddy all her stuff. I said that I still had to go to Target and look for a binder and a backpack. Then she asks me if I can buy her a pokemon toy and I say no because I am already in the process of throwing away several bags of unloved toys from her gameroom.

"Well...I have my own money!" and she ran up the stairs to get her castle bank. When she came down, I started pulling out one dollar bills...then a few fives...then 5 twenties! She had $128 in her bank!

"Where did you get all this money?"

"I collect it."

We talked to Jeff's parents later in the evening and Grandpa denied putting twenties in there. He said he put some ones and some fives but not twenties. He suggested that maybe my mom put it in there but I know she wouldn't throw twenty dollar bills at a 5 year old. Jeff got off the phone sort of confused. If my parents didn't do it, and your mom didn't do it, then who?
I told him that it was his mom. He said no way, but there have been several times she has slipped me money and told me not to tell my fil. One time we were shopping and she gave a crying lady $20. The lady said that she needed cab fare to get to the battered womens shelter. Coincidentally, we were right next to a liquor store. But I kept my mouth shut when my mil told me not to tell.

My new mantra? You will not 'borrow' money from your 5 year old, you will not 'borrow' money from your 5 year old, you will not 'borrow' money from your 5 year old.