Fathers Day

Is it this Sunday already? I have a few cards to send...Step-Dad...Father in Law...Grandpa's on both sides. I can't do the obligatory 'visit my Dad's grave and cry my eyes out' since he is buried in Arizona and I'm in Texas now. I am using the term 'buried' loosely because he is in a drawer in a mausoleum. But I do still have reason to celebrate! My baby-daddy, Jeff, is showing me what it's like to be a father that isn't:

1. Angry
2. A drunk.
3. only sees me every other weekend
4. dead

I do have great memories of my Dad but I guess I'm pissed right now. I feel cheated. I can't go to a wedding without excusing myself to go outside during the 'father/bride' dance. They always play that fucking song, "Daddy's little girl" and I always lose it.

My daughter, however, knows she is Daddy's little girl. There is something so special about how he is wrapped around her finger. She knows she can get him to do whatever she wants. I never had that. My Dad was too busy being abusive. But I know he loved me in the way that he knew how. And that's ok. I guess.