I have been using my blog to get my frustrations out. I read somewhere that having children is like being pecked to death by a chicken. Sometimes I think that would be less painful. When I am putting Kimmy-girl for a well needed nap and she cries for the millionth time, "But I'm not tired...I'm not! I'm NOT! Momeeeeee!" Oh just please put me out of my misery. I love my husband. He is my best friend and he understands me. And he understands my sense of humor. I was talking to him on the phone tonight and he was verbally stroking my ego by telling me that he is so proud of me for taking such good care of the kids and he appreciates everything that I do. I was then telling him that I truely believe my outlook would be better if it wasn't for the horror that is Kennens cry. Then he said, "Can't we just have him de-barked?" He is the only other human on the planet that can say that to me without me becoming an angry Mama bear and ripping your head off but I can't express how much I appreciate his sense of humor when I'm losing myself in these little people that have taken over my life.

For those of you that have head Kennen lose it know what I am talking about. I have never heard a more terrible cry than the one my son is blessed with. You will be interested to know, the moment Kennen was born and inhaled for the first time was the only disillusioned split second where I enjoyed the thought that I made calm content babies like Kimberly. Imagine my horror when he screamed that first shrill hysterical scream. I am thankful for him though. I never knew what I was made of until he came along. I nurtured and adored this little tyrant even though he didn't love me back. At first anyway. Now I'm the only one he likes. Well, he finally likes Kimberly and Daddy too. He is unsure about the world around him and he searches my face when he is scared to see if 'everything is really ok'. I have to dig deep and bring out my best just for him to be secure in this world. You never know how you will love your second (or third or eleventh) child but I am shocked by the fierce love I feel for my little boy.

Kimberly has always been bomb-proof. She is so good and strong. I actually was naieve enough to give myself a lot of credit for Kimmy-girl being such a great baby. She is so well behaved and advanced because I am a superior mother, right? I now know that she is just a superior child and I am in awe of her. She is so beautiful and smart and funny! And she is a very self sufficient 4 year old. This works out well because I am a slacker Mom. j/k! Sort of.

Anyway, when I look back on what I write in the journal in 5 years I want to remember everything...not just what I was frusterated about. I adore my babies. I am lucky that I get to claim them as my own.

peace out yo!