I'm getting old...

Yesterday I went to Rhona's super duper house and as I was bending down into the car to get Kennen out of his carseat, I pulled a muscle in my back. Not a near my spine, but I pulled the long flat wide one that runs across the back of your ribs. I betcha didn't even know you had a muscle there...I sure as hell didn't! I can pretty much manage to do everything I need to do except pick up Kennen and iron Jeff's work clothes. Sorry baby! It was actually nice this morning not to hop out of bed as soon as Jeffs alarm went off. I just layed there and took an ibuprophen and watched him get ready for the day. Now I feel guilty so maybe I'll splurge and take his clothes to the dry cleaners. They do a better job anyway!

OK, well today i'm off to toys r us to exchange something. I will have both kids with me so wish me luck!

I love my drunken neighbors

I would be lost without them. They think my husband is funny when he is a drunk big dumb animal. In return, I think it's hilarious and the coolest thing ever when Bung Chows husband gets wasted!

Saturday was Kelly's party. She turned the big 4-OH! To celebrate, I picked up a Nascar cake, Kelly's husband picked up 80 lbs of crawfish, and then a bunch of guys pooled their $$ and bought a big bottle of Patron. Like the super duper big bottle. The one that is $125. It's worth every penny because it's the only way for the guys around here to get their wives drunk. Well, Patty and I can manage to get drunk on pretty much anything but Kelly is the picky one. She just can't say no to a shot of tequila. And I'm very fine with that. :)

Anyway, we started with the mud-bugs (that's Kennen's favorite word for crawfish) and I had like 4 huge piles to myself. It's my new favorite food. I'm craving it right now...mmmmmmmm.

The rest of the night we drank and laughed so hard that my abs still hurt. It all ended with H passing out in his living room floor with the spot-bot whirring loudly next to him...busily scrubbing at the puke on the floor. Someone found a box of sharpies and we just couldn't help ourselves. Jeff wrote 'I'm a butt pirate', Laurie wrote, "Tequila kills...luv ya!" and I colored his toenails blue. There was more written but my memory is a little fuzzy at this point in the night. Patty thought it was hilarious! She said that the last time he got written on in sharpies was his bachelor party. Apparently the strippers all signed their names all over his body. And Patty married him the next day anyway...knowing full well that he was covered with stripper stamps underneath his tuxedo. She's a good Patty. :)

Oh, and right before we left I noticed that H was coming too a little bit so I asked him, "Hey...do you want another shot?" He mumbled, "Do you want to suck my ___? You bitch...f--k you...mumble mumble mumble," then he passed out again.

Then Jeff sat on him...I guess to retaliate for me?!?!?! Then we called it a night!

:)))This will go into my memory as one of the best drunk nights ever! Happy birthday Kelly!

Birthday girl

My sweet firstborn child turned 5 on Friday!

Jeff left a present on the stairs for her to see when she first came down the stairs that morning. I was lounging in bed after Jeff left for work and I heard Kim creeping down the stairs. I heard her scream really loud and it scared me out of my half sleep. I sat up and she came walking in all incognito. Like she hadn't just peeked into the giftbag.

"Hi Mommy," she said all aloof.

"Did you see your present?"

Then a big mischevious grin eruped on her face and she said, 'I peeked!'

I told her she was allowed to open it and she ran off quickly and then came bouncing back with a puss-n-boots doll from Shrek 3. She loved it and hugged it and kept it for her very own.

I started making her swedish pancakes (both of our favorites...thank you IKEA for jarring your lingonberry sauce!) She told me she only wanted to eat one because she didn't want to be late.

"Late to what baby?"

"Late to my Pump it Up party!" she said with glee

I crushed her little bubble when I told her that 'today is the day you were born but tomorrow is your birthday party.' It just didn't compute in her brain. Then the tears started. Then the whiny voice came out to play. When grandma and grandpa called to wish her a Happy Birthday she gloomily told them, 'It's not my birthday'.

This happened last year because her birthday fell on a Thursday and her party was on Saturday. She was miserable until she blew out her candles and exclaimed, "I'm four now!", even though she had been 4 for a few days. I guess I should have seen this coming. I am seriously going to consider lying to Kennen during his preschool years about his actual birthday. Apparently party and cake=one year older. Her actual birthday ended up being sort of a bust. She was rude to her friends and just really bratty all day long. What a diva.

Her actual party was so much fun! We went to Pump it Up...which is a big room filled with big inflatable bouncy rooms and a huge slide and an obstacle course that I beat Jeff in a race on...again! What can I say? I'm built for speed! 4 of her preschool friends were there along with 12 of her neighborhood friends. The kids had fun, the dads had fun and I really liked talking to all the moms in between carrying Kennen back and forth between the slide and the bouncy castle. My bicep was on fire by the end of the party. Oh well...carrying my boy is the only exercise I get. Apparently it works because I have super freak polish strength in my arms. Anyway, back to the party. Only one child puked but I held her and gave her water and goldfish and within 10 minutes she was running around again. Kimberly got a lot of pretty pink toys and hugged all her little friends. It was cute to see her at the table with all her playmates clustered around her. It was even cuter to see them making small talk with each other. My friends son Lewis was talking to one girl about the movie Phantom of the Opera. They seriously talked for a full 10 minutes because they had both seen it and both loved that movie! How funny and cute it that? Ahhh, young love.

Well, Kim's birthday was a success but I am officially old because I'm wearing a knee brace now. I can't pump it up like I used to. ;)

The Lost...

...finale was awesome tonight!!!

They were totally losing me this season. I had decided to stop watching...I am a girl that can be strung along for only so long. I need answers damnit! Validation! What the hell was I doing wasting one hour a week to be more and more confused!

Then, over the last few weeks, they started answering questions and the story started to weave itself back together. Tonight, I was literally on the edge of my seat (gripping tightly to my Dos Equis) up until the very end! Then Whamo! I have a million more questions! I cannot...repeat, cannot wait until the next season starts. I swear it better be in the fall. I will be heartbroken if you make me wait until January to see what happens next. Do you hear that ABC executives! Don't string this girl along! I'm not afraid to give you up forever...I can always watch HGTV...

Poop and minor electrical work...I deserve a medal!

Don't read this if you are eating. Consider yourself warned, :)!

I knew that becoming a mom would include changing diapers. Diapers are no problem...it's the shit that my kids fling around the rest of the house that bothers me. Kennen is a poopsmearing afficionado. Kimberly still hollers to wipe her after she goes. When will it end?

Did you know that Kleenex doesn't break down the way toilet paper does? I would say that kleenex has more a paper towel like ability to stay in one peice when you try to flush it. Kimberly pooped in both the upstairs bathrooms yesterday and used about a 5 inch stack of kleenex to wipe with in each one. Last night when I saw it I just closed the doors and pretended it wasn't there. This morning when I was well rested and after my 2 cups of coffee, I got ready for battle. I gave Kimmy-girl a trash bag and told her she had to clean it up since it wouldn't flush. She cried, cajoled, gagged, and begged me to help her. I stood my ground and told her that she needs to be like a big 5 year old girl and be responsible for her own mistakes. Plus I just really didn't want to fish out any more poop. I've done enough of that this week.

Kim got constipated again a few days ago and needed an enema because it would not come out! It was worses than last time. Now I'm making sure she gets lots of fiber. Plus Kennen is interested in potty training and pulled down his pants and pooped on the hard wood floor yesterday. If it was Kim I would have disowned her but since it's Kennens first poop outside of a diaper (that wasn't smeared all over his crib) I was really excited and made a big deal about putting it in the potty and flushing it. He was so proud...he talked about it all day. At least I think he did...I still can't really understand what he's saying most the time.

Anyway, back to the toilets. Kim scooped out most of it but talked me into 'holding the bag for her.' She's pretty smart because I ended up finishing the job and plunging the toilet. Fucking gag me with a spoon. I seriously almost puked in the sink. Kimberly laughed while I was gagging. I love her...she thinks gross things are funny. :) Reminds me of a certain husband of mine.

Anyway, I am also proud to announce that I replaced a lighting fixture in our house. I read the instruction and tinkered with it and voila! No more ugly builder basic half shell fixture that is too small to hide a light bulb behind the sconce. It looks purdy now. And I didn't electricute myself or burn the house down. Go me!

Grandparents

My grandpa called me today. :)

I haven't talked to them in awhile and I forgot to call my grandma on mothers day. Then I felt guilty for not calling, then I procrastinated even more because the longer I wait to call, the more likely I get a, "I was wondering if you didn't love me anymore or were mad at me." That grandma of mine...she sure lays it on thick. But I love her dearly. I talked to my grandpa about property values and the crazy housing bubble in AZ and CA. And how I don't think my house in TX will ever appreciate that quickly because of the ridiculous taxes. You know...we just talked 'shop'.

I talked to my grandma about how nice my husband is. Yes he is grandma, I am lucky. When Jeff bought me my first car my Grandma saw it and raised her eyebrows and asked, "Are you working Stacia(my pet name from them...not sure why)?" I told her no and she nodded her head knowingly and said, "Ahhh...Having a husband is nice isn't it?" At least she's proud of me for getting my M.R.S. in college.

She told me that when my dad died that he was blessed by a priest so that he would go straight to heaven and not have to wait in purgatory. Huh? She told me that made me lucky because 'Your daddy can pray for you better there.'

Then she told me that I should never have an abortion. The pope says it's better to use birth control than to have an abortion.

Blink. Blink.

"Ok Grandma...I wont." I can't imagine that I would ever choose to have an abortion but I'm just sayin'...isn't this a conversation she should have had, Oh about a decade ago when I was single? I luv me some gramma. She is so cute in all her polishness.

She also told me that she had christmas presents for the kids but she wont send them. I have to come and get them personally. Well, since she is holding my childrens Christmas presents hostage I guess I better start planning another trip to Phoenix. I miss them so much! I want to eat kielbasa and drink out of my blue sippy cup. She has kept it all these years and I still use it every time I go over there. And I want to see if the big wooden spider hanging above their tv is still as scary as it used to be. And I want to see the framed "Happiness is having a Polish Pope" picture. Even though the new pope is Italian. I have so many happy memories in that home.

Their phone call makes me feel the need to go back 'home'. I miss my family and my friends. I'm not looking forward to the scorching heat of AZ but I think it's time for a visit. And some fucking awesome mexican food. Ohhhhhh, and a cheese burger from In and Out. my.mouth.is.watering.now.damnit.

My heart melts...

Kennen just came up to me when I got out of the shower and put his arms around my leg and said "Love Mama" and kissed me. Kimberly is 'reading' a book outloud to her dolls. I'm so lucky.

Family Day

I went and saw Shrek 3 this morning! I brought the 5 point harness carseat in for Kennen because I know there is no way he would sit though a movie! Kimberly will sit for longer than I care to admit in front of a tv or a movie but Kennen would rather run and play and cry really loud than watch a movie. As soon as we got into the theater, I strapped him in his seat and he was fine. I think he knows that the carseat issue is non-negotiable so he just ate his popcorn and drank my Sprite. There was one point where he started screaming and Jeff took him out and walked him around for a mintue. I love that man. Speaking of Jeff...he smelled so good. Sitting next to him in a dark room got my mind wandering. We were surrounded by children though so I kept my hands to myself. I guess that's the good thing about getting older...hello sexual peak!

After the movie we took the kids to the new soft playland at the mall. It was themed after a new car showroom and they had a big rubber building and a bunch of padded cars. Kennen was in heaven. It was stressful because Jeff was playing one of those crane games across the mall courtyard with Kimberly and I kept losing sight of her. Not that I don't trust my kids with Daddy...I just keep a sharper eye on them. After a few minutes I saw him walk away from the crane game without Kim and I flipped out. I ran over to where I saw her last and she was there with our 14 year old neighbor, Kailey. I breathed a sigh of relief and asked K to not let her out of her sight until Jeff got back from the bathroom. Then, 10 minutes later I saw Kailey but not Kimberly so I ran over again and saw Kim with Daddy. OK, I think I might have issues and I need to chill. She is in good hands.

A few minutes later, Kim and Jeff come back to run around the playland again. We were chit chatting with our friends and Jeff exclaimed, "Where's Kimberly!." I shrugged, scanned the kids running past me and found her then motioned my hand toward her, and kept talking to my friend. A few seconds later Jeff yelled at me, "You need to tell me where she is when I ask!" He said he didnt see me point to her and he said he was about to start yelling for a lost little girl. Not that he doesn't trust the kids with Mommy...he just keeps a sharper eye on them. :)

I'm definitely not a clean freak, but...

This morning when I took my cup of coffee with me to drink while checking my email, I was so excited to see that my mother in law sent me the set of pics from when I was out of town.

I lost my digital camera a few months ago and have not had any new pictures to update on myspace or to put on this blog. I was excited to pirate my mil's pics of my family and post updated shots of everyone. The pics of my kids are gorgeous but I can't post them. My house in the background is a mess. I can't even look at them. My anxiety rises when I look past my beautiful babies faces to the dirty hard wood floor and the toys and crap littering every horizontal surface. As soon as I got home last Sunday, I rolled up my sleeves and cleaned everything. It didn't feel like a chore anymore. It made me really happy to have my hands all over this house I love. As soon as everything was spotless I felt like I had purged a demon and I took a huge breath and relaxed. My mil squirmed a little while I was cleaning and she said that it looked much better now. I felt a little ashamed of myself because I wasn't trying to make her feel bad. The house wasn't funky stinky dirty...just cluttery. You could tell that the kids had a great time and played all over the house. I can't even express my gratitude for what they do for me. I'm lucky to have great people that I can trust with my kids. Not only can I trust them, but they say that even though they travel the world, their favorite place to be is with the babies.

Anyway, long story short...I need to either find my camera or buy a new one because my kids are growing up way too fast! I need to freeze them in time!

Parasailing and my baby's got my back

I faced a huge fear while I was out of town. I have always wanted to parasail and I skipped happily up to the marina and paid for my ticket and then sat down and waited. And waited. As I waited Jeff kept chattering away about fishing or something boring like that and I guess my fight or flight response kicked in. I couldn't waste my $60 by running back to the hotel and crawling back in bed and never think about parasailing again so instead I kept snapping at Jeff. Fortunately he knows me well and laughed and put his hand on my arm and told me to relax. I flinched away from him and gave him a dirty look and he was like, 'okaaaaaaay, whatever.' Then I hugged him because that's what I needed and I felt a little better.

We got in the boat and they said the only thing we really needed to know was if we felt sick or were really going to freak out that we could do jumping jacks in the air because yelling for them to bring us down would be futile since they were letting out 600 feet of rope. Yikes! The first lady went up in the air and I was surprised that the boat just bobbed along at an idle speed. I was thinking it would be like water skiing and the boat would have to go fast to keep you in the air. She was up for 10 minutes but the time flew by and before I knew it they reeled her back into the boat and it was my turn.

They hooked me into my harness and the wind lifted me into the air and they started letting out line. I kept watching the boat get smaller and smaller and It was everything I could do to stay calm. Then all the sudden I started bumping around really violently. I was about to do my jumping jack and have them reel me down but then is shaking stopped and it was so quiet and peaceful. I forgot to be scared. It was so beautiful! The water was so clear and I could see the birds flying in circles below me. They looked so far away. I had a little nervous energy so I started flicking my thumb against my harness and HOLY SHIT! I was clicking my carribiner open and closed for at least 5 minutes. This is the thing hooking me to the rope on the boat. OMG If I had disconnected myself then I would have probably flown over to the Port Isabelle bridge and become roadkill. Then I shifted my weight a little and I heard and felt the friction of the ropes tightening. Oy vay! I want down! I would just focus on my baby (Jeff was the black dot in the boat) and then I would calm down. He wouldn't let anything happen to me. Who would iron his shirts then? j/k! Before I knew it though I felt myself start to free fall slowly back toward the boat. :( I was sad it was almost over. When I got close enough to see the 2 workers in the boat they had pulled out a fake sword and pretended that they were chopping the rope. Ha ha. Really funny motherfuckers. It actually was pretty funny. I got really low and they said, "Where are you going? OMG what's happening????!!!!!" and then they dipped my feet into the salty sea. I waved and smiled. I got back in the boat and hugged my honey. I'm so glad I did it but I think now that it's checked off my lifetime to do list, I will probably never do it again. Oh, and apparently that violent shaking I felt when I first got up there was the captain of the boat shaking my rope. Jeff yelled at him though. My baby's got my back. :)

Sunburned and dehydrated and sooooOOooo relaxed

It's true. I had the best time this last week. For anyone that is considering South Padre for a little vacation, I definitely recommend it! Not only was it beachy and beautiful but the prices for everything from the food to the booze to the hotel room were super cheap. The room was amazing! It walked out onto the beach and I spent many mornings soaking up the sunrise and swimming while Jeff was sleeping because it was right outside the back door of our room.

OK, back to reality. Kennen is screaming so I will update more later. His scream no longer makes me want to jump out the window. I missed the little bugger. And the big bugger too. There were a lot of families at S.P.I with small children and at first I stayed as far away from kids as possible. As the days wore on though I missed my kids painfully. My heart literally ached. I would see little girls in bikinis splashing in the waves and chubby little buddy boys that looked like they needed a big hug from a stranger like me but I kept my hands to myself. Plus, all the kids we saw seemed to be an older girl and a baby boy. I told Jeff he needed to keep me busy to curb my pain.

We went parasailing (a little scary but mostly exhilirating), deep sea fishing for 8 hours (I thought this would be mostly a 'Jeff' activity but I loved it!), bay fishing the next day for 4 hours (I have mad fishing skills yo!), watched the sun set during dinner, hung out in the pool, got hammered while talking to a couple that were in their late 60's. I drank more vodka than water so now I am trying to rehydrate. I am so happy. I will post more details about my trip later...like the bay fishing trip that Jeff and I were obnoxiously drunk on and the nice man named David that I piercecd with a fishing hook. Jeff says it's a good thing I'm a girl because David had jailhouse tattoos and probably would have kicked my ass if I wasn't showing so much skin.

24 hours...

...and I can't wait to get the heck out of here! My wonderful in-laws are here spoiling my kids (meaning lots of presents and literally spoon feeding my 2 year old every meal. I'm trying to bite my tongue on that one). They are also spoiling me with a a day at the spa. I just got back and I'm freshly massaged and polished. I just need to think about packing (bikini? check! flip flops? check! deep sea fishing liscense? check! tampons? unfortunately, check!)

bon voyage!

summertime and the living's easy...

Yesterday felt the the first day of summer. I know it's technically June 21st...how do I know you ask? Because it's my birthday silly! Mark it on your calender. :)

The water park finally opened in my master planned community of suburban bliss. Yesterday morning the sun was hellishly hot so my neighbors and I slathered sunblock on the kids, slapped a couple of floaties on their little arms and threw the kids in the pool. Of course as soon as we got to the pool the sky became overcast and we had a gaggle of blue lipped shivering kids swimming circles around us. I even got hit on...tee hee. I was holding Kim and we were watching Daddy do flips off the diving board and then this man gets into the pool right next to me...smiled...came up really close to me and said, "It sure it cold, ha ha ha ha." Then he just stood there really close to me. Um...weird. I'm holding my kid. Are you even allowed to hit on a person holding their child? Jeff saw what was happening from across the pool and dove off the diving board and made a beeline over to me. Jeff gave him a look and the guy who thought I was hot finally moved out of my personal space. That's right baby, I'm just fending 'em off left and right. I'm kidding. I am so married that I don't even know how to flirt anymore.

After the pool Kimberly was just awful. She was totally exhausted but wouldn't take a nap and was total grumpy butt. We were having dinner and I made her a hot dog and she threw a monumental fit because her 'bun was broooooooookeeeeeeeeen'! Are you friggin kidding me? I tried to make it better...Kelly tried to make it better...Patty tried to make it better but she kept crying and crying. We just ignored her but she was devastated. Bung Chow's son Ian is one of Kimmy's closest friends. He just turned 5 and it is so cute to watch them play. They take little walks together and whisper and giggle get along really well. They really care about each other. Ian was telling her to just eat it, 'because it still tastes good!' She just threw her head back and cried and moaned, 'No it doesn't!' Then Ian did the ultimate sacrifice. He tore his hotdog bun into 2 peices and said, "See Kim, mine is broken too and I still like it."

You know what? It worked. She ate her damn hot dog. What a good friend.

I have been using my blog to get my frustrations out. I read somewhere that having children is like being pecked to death by a chicken. Sometimes I think that would be less painful. When I am putting Kimmy-girl for a well needed nap and she cries for the millionth time, "But I'm not tired...I'm not! I'm NOT! Momeeeeee!" Oh just please put me out of my misery. I love my husband. He is my best friend and he understands me. And he understands my sense of humor. I was talking to him on the phone tonight and he was verbally stroking my ego by telling me that he is so proud of me for taking such good care of the kids and he appreciates everything that I do. I was then telling him that I truely believe my outlook would be better if it wasn't for the horror that is Kennens cry. Then he said, "Can't we just have him de-barked?" He is the only other human on the planet that can say that to me without me becoming an angry Mama bear and ripping your head off but I can't express how much I appreciate his sense of humor when I'm losing myself in these little people that have taken over my life.

For those of you that have head Kennen lose it know what I am talking about. I have never heard a more terrible cry than the one my son is blessed with. You will be interested to know, the moment Kennen was born and inhaled for the first time was the only disillusioned split second where I enjoyed the thought that I made calm content babies like Kimberly. Imagine my horror when he screamed that first shrill hysterical scream. I am thankful for him though. I never knew what I was made of until he came along. I nurtured and adored this little tyrant even though he didn't love me back. At first anyway. Now I'm the only one he likes. Well, he finally likes Kimberly and Daddy too. He is unsure about the world around him and he searches my face when he is scared to see if 'everything is really ok'. I have to dig deep and bring out my best just for him to be secure in this world. You never know how you will love your second (or third or eleventh) child but I am shocked by the fierce love I feel for my little boy.

Kimberly has always been bomb-proof. She is so good and strong. I actually was naieve enough to give myself a lot of credit for Kimmy-girl being such a great baby. She is so well behaved and advanced because I am a superior mother, right? I now know that she is just a superior child and I am in awe of her. She is so beautiful and smart and funny! And she is a very self sufficient 4 year old. This works out well because I am a slacker Mom. j/k! Sort of.

Anyway, when I look back on what I write in the journal in 5 years I want to remember everything...not just what I was frusterated about. I adore my babies. I am lucky that I get to claim them as my own.

peace out yo!

have you seen my car keys?

Yeah, me neither.

This morning I woke up with tons of energy and was showered and dressed by the time my sleepy Kimmy-girl came downstairs. I fed her, folded laundry, got her ready for school, packed her lunch, dressed and fed the boy and we still had like 30 minutes until we had to leave for school. Wow, I'm totally on the ball today. At 8:30 I told them to get in the car and I grabbed my purse and...wait! Where the fuck are my keys? I looked in all the usual places and realized that they were totally gone. Damnit! I spent the next 45 minutes tearing apart the house with Kennen saying, Uh-Nennen, uh-eys (translation "Kennen...keys". Where's Mommy's keys bud? Go get them! He said 'help please' and started pulling on the step stool. I helped him set it up and he pushed over to the kitchen counter, climbed up and said, "Hi fish!" to the fishies. I rolled my eyes, took a deep breath and called Patti. She was there a little while later and loaded my moneys into her minivan and drove us to Kim's preschool. I told her teacher about my morning and she laughed and talked about her key losing experiences. Hopefully I will find them by 2:00. At least this gives me motivation to clean my living room. And guest room. And my bedroom. And Kims room. After that my whole house will be clean and ready for my in-laws to come. Did I mention that I have the best in-laws? We have a pretty good relationship and when they come here they totally take over the kids and the cleaning. I love it. I didn't used to love it...I used to feel very territorial with my kids and my house but since I never get a break (have I mentioned that before?) I love it when they come and visit. Plus the guest room is right next to the babys room so my mil gets Kennen in the morning. fabulous. Ok, wish me luck on finding my keys!


***EDIT***

I found my keys! I called my mom and even though she is in Arizona and I'm in Texas, I knew that she would 'find' them for me. She walked me through what I would have done after I got home and I remembered that I had them right after I came home with Sonic for the kids to eat. I decided to go to the dumpster and dig through the trash and voila! There they were...in Kennen's kids meal bag. Note to self..."Uh-Nennen, Uh-eys, Uh-aahhhhh" means, "Mom, they were in my kids meal bag...if you didn't friggin pick up after me all day long these things wouldn't happen." Either that or he's telling me he just pooped...it's a coin flip.

I am eating, drinking, and sleeping my vacation plans...

I booked a deep sea fishing expedition for me and my baby love. I called the marina asking about a 5 hour trip and the guy said that you will only have 1 1/2 hours of fishing with the 5 hr. trip and that it's good for if you aren't that into fishing but just want to get out there. That sounds good to me but I know that Jeff will be disappointed. Instead we are taking an 8 hour fishing trip on the first day or our little vay-cay. I have him as a fisherman and me as a 'spectator' because I really don't care about fishing but I am trying to be a good sport. Well, Jeff just told me that we can take home more fish if I am a fishergirl and that will make up the $30 because red snapper is expensive! What a good jew. Did I mention that I drank a lot of wine tonight? Oh...well I did! Anyway...fishing on Thursday and then dinner and...well who knows after that! Friday we are going to parasail. I'm going to have to try to convince Jeff to go up there with me but I think I'm going to hafta fly solo on that trip. He will stay in the boat to 'make sure every thing is ok' for the little lady. Whatever...I'm gonna be flying over the Gulf of Mexico.

I also booked my hotel and while I started out looking for the cheapest place...I totally did a 180 degree spin and decided to stay at a resort with an oceanside view and a king bed. Yipee! I am not going to get away from my children for like the next 15 years or so and I am going to splurge. I'm gonna parasail on Friday and then the rest of our trip will be boom boom, booze, and beaches. :) I'm such a happy girl. So happy in fact that I just called Jeff and woke him up (it's 2am in France) to tell him how excited I was. :) The nice French lady at the counter told him that 'Sarah' was on the phone and my sleepy husband accepted the call. He said, "I wasn't going to try to correct her...I might start speaking to them in spanish again." He knows no French and neither do I. Oh, and he says that the French really do hate Americans as much as the hype says they do. He says everyone looks at him with total disdain but he says it's just because he is an overweight chainsmoking republican American. Oh and last time he went to France he came home and gave an impression of a person walking around with a loaf of bread onder their arm. He grabbed the half eaten loaf of roman meal and stuffed it under his arm and marched with purpose around the room. I was laughing so hard I wanted to pee. Jeff has a way of really getting into 'character' when he is telling a story. He does a great chuckwalla. Oh I miss my baby love. I shouldn't drink and blog. I will probably delete this in the morning. NO! I will leave it to remind me to never drink and blog again.

Sheesh..I'm grumpy...I must be PMSing

Jeff is off to France to fetch me a bottle of wine. He's so clever. He was able to convince his company that he needed to go there for business but really he is just jet setting to the other side of the world to run an errand for me. :) Ok, maybe it's more like he had to go and he is appeasing me with the promise of French wine to keep my spirits up until he gets back.

Jeff went there last year and that's when he didn't contact me for over 24 hours. That's when I freaked out and hunted down his boss's email address (thank you google) and sent a message to his boss's blackberry to 'make sure that they got there ok'. Poor Jeff. That's what he gets for marrying a girl with a little bit of crazy in her.

Anyway did I mention that I'm going on vacation soon? I'm booking our travel reservations today. Tee hee! Kimberly's preschool graduation is on the day I wanted to leave for my trip. I am soooOOOoooo desperate to get away I thought, "Well, her grandparents are going to be there for her, I don't need to be there." I was talking to some of my friends and when I said that I was leaving before her 'graduation' they all looked at me in horror. It's like I told them I was making puppy stew for dinner. I never had a graduation from preschool to Kindergarten. I never walked across the stage to recieve my 'diploma' every time I moved from one grade to the next. Give me a flippin break. I'm going to wait to leave for our trip until after she 'recieves her diploma'. Whatever. I don't want her to be disappointed that I wasn't there. I guess that's a down side to living in the master planned community of suburban bliss. Our lives are so boring that we will celebrate anything. Do I sound like a terrible Mom? I'm not. I'm just burnt out and this is going to take away a whole day of my R and R. Instead of leaving Tuesday night we are leaving Wednesday night. Sunday is mothers day so we are leaving Saturday night to come home. I wanted to come home Sunday night. This trip has transformed from 4 full days of sun, sex, parasailing, and alcohol (maybe a little fishing too) to 2 days. You know what I want for mothers day? A fucking vacation.