Just a warning...don't read this post if you are eating anything right now

Today I was in my bathroom doing my makeup and I heard Kimberly yelling "MooooooOOOOOOooooooom". One of my pet peeves is being called like that. She knows that if she wants something that she has a better chance of getting it if she comes to me and doesn't 'becon' me into the room. I tell her that she's the one with the young legs. :) I kept hearing, "I can't get my toolbelt! I can't get my toolbelt!" I count to ten, take a deep breath and put on eyeliner.

A second later she came running into the bathroom with her swimsuit around her ankles and said, "I can't get my poop out!"

Apparently I misunderstood.

Ew. This is a job for Mom unfortunately. She sits down and she leans her little head against me while I rub her lower back and tell her to relax. She started to push and then she SCREAMED out in pain!

"It's too biiiiii-guh!" :( I saw panic in her eyes. I tried calming her down for a full 5 minutes but she just cried and cried. I had her stand up and turn around so I could see and it looked like her butthole was 4cm dialated and her turd was at a 1+ station. OMFG! It was huge! I was horrified but I kept my voice nice and calm...

'Just sit down and relax...Mommy needs to get something'. I mentally prepared myself with a game plan as I got a latex glove and some aquaphor. When I first reached in, I just pushed the turd back up and Kimmy face perked right up and said, "That's better...it's gone now. It went back up," she said all this while trying to pull her swimsuit back on. I convinced her to try to push one more time but it got stuck again. I dug in again and felt around and realized that I had to turn it before pulling it out because it was not 'pointed' down but 'laying' across. Poor Kimmy-girl. Poor Mommy. I made my move quickly and in about 5 seconds I was holding the biggest...turd...ever!

"Whoa! That's better!" was all Kimmy-girl said. She eyed what I was holding with open mouthed astonishment. Then she washed her hands and ran off to go swim again.

Don't say I never did anything for you kid.

vacation is all I ever wanted...

The countdown begins for my little getaway. I have pretty much crashed Jeff's fishing trip to Illinois. At first it was going to be Jeff and his friends and they were all so excited but then one by one they all said they couldn't go. Everyone is busy getting married, having kids, climbing the career ladder etc.

This means that I have Jeff second guessing going to his Musky fishing honey pot in Illinois because he knows I will be bored...then I will get pissed off...then I wont have sex with him...actually that last part is a lie. :) But I know I will start complaining because I really don't like to fish. At least not for 15 hours straight. And if Mama aint happy, aint nobody happy. We were talking last night and he said that he is up for finding another place to go. I've been googling all the cities on my Rand-McNally Atlas that are within about a 10 hours drive from us that have good fishing. And a place where we can do something other than fish. I'm thinking Memphis (he can fish the mighty Mississippi and then we can go to Graceland), Biloxi (Imagine mini Las Vegas with deep sea fishing charters), or South Padre Island (crystal clear water, parasailing, fishing). I vote Padre! Honestly I really don't care where we go. I just want to go. I want to be able to dance a jig and sing, "I got no strings on me!". No noses (or butts) to wipe, no laundry to do, no house or yard to take care of. Just me and my best friend and the open road.

**EDIT**
yippee! I just talked to him and he said, "Oh...2 guys (that live in Illinois) wanted to make sure I was still coming out there to Musky fish."

Then I said something that sounded like, "Whine whine whine, I want to parasail, whine whine whine, we will have so much more fun, whine whine whine," and he said

"OK if it makes you happy. And if we can fish 2 of the days that we are there."

Then I countered with, "One 4 hour deep sea trip and then the other day we can fish off the pier."

Deal!

My heart wants to explode with happiness! I can't even begin to explain how much I need this trip!

WTF??

OK I must be high on the cold medicine because I am considering bidding $40 on ebay for all of the Madame Alexander Wizard of Oz dolls. In my head I try to justify it because "Maybe they will be worth money someday". Um, I think we all know the truth. I am a 27 year old mother of 2 and all I really want to do it play with dolls. Aren't they so cute though?

It only happens once in a blue moon...

...but I am totaly fucking sick. I was up all night with a headache, sore throat, and insatiable thirst. I'm so glad that one gatorade survived Jeffs hangover this weekend because when I opened the fridge at 2 in the morning that fierce grape gatorade made me want to cry tears of joy! I even called Jeff at 2am to thank him and to complain that I was sick and let him apoligize for not being home ( >:) I'm getting pretty good at this jewish guilt thing) but he didn't answer. It's ok though, I took another alka seltzer cold and passed out until 8am. He called me then and gave me a few 'poor baby's', a 'make sure you rest and drink lots of fluid', and even a "I'm so sorry love". Awww. I feel much better now that I have some sympathy.

Well not really. My head really fucking hurts. Damnit! It's probably because I forgot to put on my glasses today. I'm really bummed out though because I'm supposed to go out with my new DMV friend to lunch tomorrow. Damn germs. I probably got this cold from the nasty ass DMV. You know what I find interesting? Everyone has to go to the DMV but whenever you go there it is full of...hmmm I'm not mean enough to put into print the kind of people you might find at the DMV. But y'all know what I'm talking about. Gross gross gross. LOL, but then it is funny to see the one impeccably dressed middle aged woman with her designer bag and all her jewelry and she won't sit...just sort of pace back and forth and you can see her thinking, 'so this is how the other half lives'.

reason 987,596,284 that I love Sams Club

Prescriptions there are so cheap! I called this morning and I'm going to save $60 on this months refill! I pay $70ish at Walgreens for what I can get for $12 at Sams Club. Woo Hoo! Plus it's a chance for me to eat pizza there for lunch. I can get my prescription and feed me and the kids and still have $55 left over. Hmmmm, I'm sure I will be able to spend it quickly at Sams. I wonder if they sell shop vacs....or miter saws.

I bought a bunch of lumber on a whim at Home Depot a few months ago because I was going to make a picket fence garden style bed for Kimberly. I have the lumber and the instructions, the nails and the wood glue...I just don't have a saw. Hmmm, this ought to keep me busy while Jeff is away again.

He's in California. In wine country. I requested San Francisco sourdough bread and a bottle of wine for my souvenier. Last time he brought Kimberly a pink kimono from China Town. Kimberly says, "This is what my Daddy got me from Chinese world." hmmm...close enough. She knows that he always brings her something when he travels and now it's getting to the point that when he doesn't travel he will come home from work on a regular day and she will say, "Where's my present?" Then, instead of setting her straight, he will find something lame in his truck, like a pair of safety glasses and she will jump for joy and squeal and give him a big hug. He says he is just preparing her to be spoiled so that when she starts dating she will have really high standards. Look out world, in 15 years there is going to be a demanding beautiful tall leggy blonde breaking some hearts.

Why I love Tequila Patty

The other night me and my neighbors were sitting around and everyone started talking about a white skirt I was wearing last week. They started going on and on about how it was see thru and you could totally see my ass and even my husband was like, 'Oh yeah! I remember that!" WTF??? I looked at Patty, (my friend, my comrad, the girl that is on my side) and asked, "Why didn't you tell me you could see everything through my skirt???!!!" Her reply?

"I just thought it was Stella being Stella."

My mouth dropped. I think this is right up there with my Mother in law saying that my unborn daughter was "Just like her Mom" when Kimberly was bent over with her legs open during the 20 week ultrasound.

To her credit, Patty is the sweetest warmest person I know. She is a giver. Kimberly would rather hang out at her house all day because she is treated so well over there. But every once in awhile Patty will come out with a comment like this that keeps us all on our toes.

Oh and I'm retiring my white skirt. That's just me being me.

I'm big time now

My house is finally on mapquest! Well, the streetname is incorrect so you can't look up my address, but if you know where to look you can definitely see it! The aerial pic must have been taken before we moved in because the driveway had still not been poured but regardless (or irregardless a la our retarded president) I am still excited to see our home on the map. I'm surprised that my car wasn't parked on the street in front of our house because I was literally there every day during construction. I was obsessed with my house. I still am. Well, a little less so because I am sick of cleaning it over and over and over and over and over and over again. I love that I can do whatever I want to it. Pink stripes in the powder room? Sure why not? My bathroom is sickeningly sweet now but I like it. Jeff just smiles and nods. Smart man.

I spent the day at the DMV. Well, I cheated actually. I got there at 10:30 and they were on #44. I pulled a number (#88) and then left and took the kids to McDonalds. I went back at 11:30 and they were only on #62. I loaded the kids back up and ran home for something and when I got back there at 12:15 they were on #92. Eek! I missed it. I went up to the desk anyway and played dumb and they went ahead and let me get my Texas liscense. While I was waiting though I made a new friend. I have been really lazy about meeting new people since all my friends are my neighbors. I used to always be on the lookout for potential playdates and stuff but now I don't even think about it anymore. We were chit chatting and she gave me her phone number. :) I remember how lonely I was when I used to hand out my number to virtual strangers so I am going to make sure that I call her. Probably tomorrow. I liked her a lot. We talked about her fake purse and how much we love Target. Oh and she was sneaking in with #77 and she said 'If they don't let me then I will just sit here and let them listen to my baby scream for the next 30 minutes!' LOL at the thought of torturing a crappy government worker with a screaming baby...she might turn out to be a good friend. :)

Oh and after I got my new drivers liscense the lady behind the counter said, "Congratulations! Your an official Texan now!" Like it was the best thing in the world. I'm telling you the Texas pride here is something to behold!

Educational television

I love HGTV. It must be genetic because my mom is totally addicted to HGTV. Jeff, however, likes watching decorating shows as much as I like watching 'Fishing with Roland Martin' on Sunday mornings.

"All these stupid shows are the same! Some princess of a man goes into a room and puts the sofa on an angle and 'WOW! What a transformation! And why don't they call it a 'room'? They always talk about what a great 'space' this is! It's a fucking room you idiot!'" Apparently watching hgtv makes his brain bleed because Jeff cries and complains and begs to watch something else and when I say no, he puts me in an arm bar and steals the remote. >:(

Yesterday I had to scootch (is that even a word?) the bed over in the guest room because the sheetrock guy had some work to do on the ceiling right over the bed. I was too lazy to move it back and when I walked in there today I loved how it just opened up the space. :) I don't think I would have noticed if Jeff hadn't gone on and on about furniture on angles. Thanks baby, I learn something new every day because of you!

Why why why?

Why do I want another baby so bad? I was just going about my business this morning and then WHAM! I can't stop thinking about being pregnant again. I have babies of the brain. I think I should get a dog or something. Kim is turning 5 next month so we could make it a birthday present. LOL, who am I kidding? I don't want a friggin dog!

One day I am counting the days until my kids are in school so I can get out of the house and the next day I think it's a good idea to start all over again. Ok, I feel better now. No more babies...

Damn natural instincts! If I had waited to have kids I would have had 2 by the time I was 35ish and then the decision to not 'risk' trying again because of my age would have been made for me. But in my mind I have a good 7 years to have another before I become higher risk. Plus I have it pretty good because both will be 18 years old by the time I'm 43. That will be fabulous.

Honestly though I just have a feeling that I will have 3 kids. I feel like it's just a matter of time. I feel like there is another little soul out there that is meant to be mine. Hmmm...just as long as Jeff doesn't get a vasectomy. I am not worried though. He hates going to the doctor and I know that he wont actually go unless I make the appointment for him and we all know that's not going to happen. (insert evil laugh)

p.s. It's no secret to Jeff that I'm plotting for a third. He's scared. and he should be. >:)

I love Houston for the dirt alone!

Part of my quest to become the housewife supreme includes gardening. I'm a desert rat from Arizona so basically my gardening experience before moving away from there was...well nothing really. I never knew that grass had a dormant season. I remember being shocked when one spring morning I looked out the window (this was when we lived in Illinois) and all of our 'dead' grass was lush and green. There were no new baby blades of grass like in AZ, it just turned from brown to green. Who knew? Not me. I'm having a blast because so far everything I have planted in Houston just grows and grows. I even have to turn off my sprinklers some times because there is so much rain! Did you know that Houston has more annual rainfall than Seattle? I only know this because when we moved from Illinois, we had a choice of moving to Seattle or Houston. I would have loved to live in the Pacific N.W. but Houston's housing market is cheapcheapcheap. Ooops, I'm rambling again.

Today I planted 80 flowering bulbs in planter boxes on my back patio. I have since learned that I planted them upside-down but I'm not scared. I have faith that my blooms will find the sky in this lush-green-everything-grows-like-crazy place. The kiddo's helped me by 'holding' handfuls of bulbs and by making little holes in the potting soil with their little fingers. I love free child labor. I think I'm going to make Kimberly vacuum later on today...

I used 5 cedar plank boxes to plant everything and it looks great...you will have to trust me on that since I lost my camera. Hopefully I'll find it by the time they start growing so I can keep you all (or y'all) posted with pictures.

Peace out!

My nieces...

Jeff's sister had her baby recently and the baby got sick and had to spend a night in the hospital. :( She is better now but OMG! I can't imagine anything worse than not being in control of the health of your child. Then, my brothers wife just had a cerclage (how do you spell that???!!!??? it's a stich in your cervix to keep you from dialating and effacing) put in because she is still 20 weeks and she has started to dialate. All is well with both of them now from what I have heard recently but please pray for them if you do that sort of thing.

I just re-read my last post and I am such a whiny ass. I'm complaining of not feeling personal fulfilment with the tedium of being a stay at home mom and my nieces are struggling to be sturdy healthy little girls. If there is a God maybe this is his way of bitch slapping some sense into me. I'm still going to look into going back to school/work in August because I think a better Stella will be a better Mom but I'm going to love my babies a little more (whoa..I didn't think that was possible!!). I am thankful for little things like my son learning more little words but he still says 'Mama' way more than anything else, and for my daughter for curling her big girl body up in my lap last night and falling asleep with me. I'm just going to try to live in the moment more instead of always looking for my more exciting future. Shame on me

Aaaaaanyway...last night was fun. We had a surprise birthday party for Mr. Clay (our neighbor) and we cooked a bunch of cajun food. I love spicy food but I'm still getting used to the whole cajun thing. Carne Asada burrito ? Yes please (oh what I would do for a burrito from Filibertos in Phx!)! Crawfish boudain? Um...not so much.

Days like this...

...when I'm padding around the house while Kimmy-girl is at school and Kennen is sleeping, make me wonder why I bother being a stay at home mom anymore. I'm bored. There are only so many times I can wipe down my clean counter tops before I realize that I'm not really needed at home anymore (there is always the laundry monster to tackle but I don't really want to do that...ever!). My babies are growing into great little kids and next fall when I put Kim on the bus that will take her to kindergarten I will officially be in the next 'stage' of parenting. No more sleepless nights, no more babies wanting to nurse all day long, no more double strollers. Kennen sort of resembles a baby...he doesn't talk much and he still craps his pants but he is 35 pounds of running, jumping, throwing things at my head, 100% adorable boy.

Kimberly makes life much easier now. We were running late for preschool this morning and I heard her go into the garage and open the car door and convince Kennen to get into his carseat. By the time I poured a to go cuppa joe and found my car keys Kimberly had him buckled in his 5 point harness and buckled herself into the booster seat. I hadn't done her hair yet so I brought a brush with me and put in some quick ponytails and smelled her minty fresh breath. "Did you brush your teeth too?" I hadn't even reminded her. Such a good girl. She is so big until bedtime. Last night she kept staring at me through the banister saying that she was scared of the night. At first I was understanding and said that it's ok, the world is a ball and there can only be light on one side at a time and it's China's turn right now...go to bed. "I'm scared..." Then I lost my patience and yelled, "Get in bed before I give you something to be scared about!" Then she went running.

Anyway, I have loved being with the babies but it's time for a change. I'm looking for ideas for what to do with my life now. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Jeff wants me to do home daycare...um no thanks! I could be a nurse, I could do hair, I could just go to a temp agency and take what they give me. I just don't know...

Give me some ideas people...what do you want to be when you grow up?

Ha ha!

Jeff just called and when I answered the phone he said, "Baby, I still got it!" I guess some woman in line at the gas station just asked him out to dinner. When he told her, "I'm married" she said, "Of course you are..." and then just walked away.

I was like, "Ohhhh, poor lady. She got sucked in by your charm." Then he said, "Don't feel bad for her...she was hitting on your man."

I said that I wasn't worried and he said, "That's because I'm a loyal dog. A love sick puppy. Woof." He didn't really bark at the end. But it's funnier that way, no? Anyway, Jeff does have that effect on people. When his 'light' is shining on you it makes you feel like the most important person in the room. Maybe thats why he is so good at his job. He just found out what his raise was so I figued I would plant the seed, "Hey moneybags, if you want to buy me a new car, my birthday is just around the corner. You could put a big red bow on it." He just laughed and laughed. I know this year is get out of debt year but it was just a suggestion. I just got my tires balanced yesterday and my rust bucket doesn't shake when I'm going 60 mph anymore. Bummer. I can't wait for my car to really have something wrong with it.

I went and got a massage yesterday. I told the lady about my headaches so she focused on my back, neck, shoulders, skull. It hurt so good! She did this thing where it felt like she was trying to pull my head off my shoulders and after that my headache really started to disappear. It stayed away until I picked up Kennen from my friends house and after a little while he started to scream again. Then I felt it creeping back. Eureka! I finally found the source of my headaches. It's not quite 3 feet tall and it has a blonde mohawk. Oh yeah, it's that little man child I gave birth to 2 years ago. I love my boy...Jeff even tells me I favor him (ludacris I know... ;)) but I really wish they made baby ball gags. He just needs to hush.

OK, I have a ton on cleaning to do. Bye!

kids say the darndest things

Jeff and I were channel surfing last night and there was nothing on (that we could agree on). Just for fun we stopped when we saw a commercial for a CD called "100 greatest hymns or 'gospel tunes' or something.

I scared him with singing along with almost every song that they previewed and then he scared me by closing his eyes and waving his hands in the air.

Kimberly was excited by how much we were enjoying this commerical that when the commentator said something about 'Jesus Christ,' she exclaimed, "Mommy! That's your word...Jesus Christ!"

sweet relief

Target (pronounced tar-shay) optical called and said that my glasses were in! Woo hoo! I have been having migraines and my Dr. ordered me to get an MRI and to get my eyes checked. Um, yeah...the way our insurance works is that I would have to shell out $2000+ for the MRI. I would then meet my annual deductible and not have to pay anything else the rest of the year but 2 grand is 2 grand. I decided to try to fix my eyes first.

When I went to the optometrist there was one point during the exam that she asked me to read the lowest line of letters in the yellow box.

"Um, there are 2 yellow boxes"

"Really? OK, tell me when the 2 boxes line up." I could hear her spinning a dial. "Are they close yet?

"No...not even halfway there."

She spun the dial a little faster, "Ok...tell me when, " *spinspinspinspin*

She finally got both of my eyes reading the same box and we finished up the exam. She told me that I have one near sighted eye and one far sighted eye (I knew that!). She also told me that my left eye was the 'leader' and my right eye didn't focus on much but still had good peripheral vision. Here's the kicker. She told me that I probably always see double but my brain interperets what I see as one. She said that could definitely cause major headaches...especially if my vision recently got worse.

Yesterday, as soon as I put them on I swear I felt my brain relax. I am supposed to wear them all the time which I am ok with. She wont give me contacts until my headaches go away. I feel like a big dork but I am finally at a point in my life where I would rather feel good than look good. Look out Jeff...I'm about to start letting myself go! :)

p.s. I haven't had a headache since i put them on! Hmmm...it makes me think that I have been the grumpy one lately and not Jeff...shhhhh don't tell him!

Fabulous weekend

On Friday, my grumpy husband departed for his fishing trip in the morning and then that evening my mom arrived like a breath of fresh air! It was a quick trip. My mom never wants to be away from her husband too long...it will be 10 years of marriage for them this June and they are still like a couple of newlyweds. I told her I think it's because they never had children together. Children alone can suck the romance out of a relationship if your not careful! I love my kids but I don't want them to be more important than Jeff. They will grow up and move away and forget to call me. But it will be ok because I will always have my best friend. He's good for other stuff too...bow-chicka-bow-wow! Oh and Jeff has already promised me that he will withhold money from the kids when they are in college if they forget to call me. :)

OK, sorry for that tangent!

My mom and I spent the weekend doing things that she and I love to do together. We went out to eat a lot (something my grumpy ass hubby never will do), we spent all day Saturday shopping at Ikea. By all day, I mean we ate breakfast, we shopped, Kimmy-girl played, we shopped some more and then we had lunch. As a result of our shopping we got to come home and do our third favorite thing together...DECORATE! My guest room has been transformed from a hodge-podge of ugly bedding, no curtains and lots of paper clutter. Oh, and crayon colored walls from my little left handed dude. Now it feels like my favorite style...the modern traditionalist. Sometimes called 'Transitional". Anyway, who cares what it's called...it's a peaceful place for my guests to retreat to...or for me to retreat to when the kids get too loud.

We tucked the kids in and stayed up late drinking coffee and talking. My mom always seems to have the answer for everything. She never 'fixes' my problems for me but she always gives me so much clarity. She is proud of me. She sees all that I do and gives me credit for having an unending supply of energy. I tell her my secret is coffee. :)

She left yesterday evening and a few hours after that my very refreshed husband came home to a very refreshed wife. I didn't miss him while he was gone because he has been so crusty lately. Now he's sweet at pie and I can't wait for him to get home from work.

OK, my kids are fighting...I think Kimmy is trying to pull her brother down the stairs by his ankles...I'm out!