My parenting ephiphany

I was reading shrinkingboobies today and she wrote about her parenting epiphany. I also feel like I am still a kid playing with dolls in my house. I don't have a clue, but I trust my instincts and pretty much wing it.

One thing that took me a long time to realize though, was how to surrender to motherhood. I love my kids fiercely, but I still had my own agenda. My epiphany hit me like a ton of bricks at my sister in laws wedding. Kimberly was a 3 year old flower girl, and Kennen was 4 months old and strapped to my chest in a baby bjorn. There was an invasion of the body snatchers and although Kimmy-girl walked down the aisle beautifully she quickly turned into the toddler from hell. I've never been so angry with her. She refused to take pictures and I wanted to shot put her across the meadow. I had no choice but to take her upstairs and get this screaming devil child away before she ruined my sister in laws beautiful wedding. I took her upstairs and turned on a movie for her and nursed my baby boy. I was angry and resentful. I was looking out the picture windows at all of the pretty people in their pretty clothes enjoying the cocktail hour. I was stuck in the dressing room. Alone. With my 2 brats.

I took a deep breath, and decided to choose to mother my kids with tenderness, and not hate. This is what I signed up for. They come first. No fancy pants cocktail hour to mingle with adults if my 3 year old is strung out. No cocktails if I have a baby to nurse. And I decided to be okay with that. This is my only chance to give them a happy childhood. This too shall pass. And you know what? It's going so fast that my head is spinning!

The next step? Trying to remember who I am because I am more than a mother, right?