Mothers and Daughters

What is up with my 5 year old? I think she hates me. At least she is treating me like she hates me. When she gets home from school, she complains about the snack I packed for her. "I WANTED CHIPS!" I am brushing out her rats nest hair in the morning and she tells me I'm not doing it right. I volunteer at her school twice a week so I can see her and that she can see me and we can have a hug and a quick kiss before she scampers off to recess. I want her to feel secure and confident. I remember being in elementary school and seeing other volunteer moms and knowing (but slightly hoping otherwise) that my mom would never show up because she had to work. Actually, the only time I saw my mom on the school campus was in 5th grade when she came and checked me out early. I saw her and smiled and thought she was taking me to lunch. She was actually picking me up because my Dad had a brain tumor and was in the hospital. Ahhhh, memories.

Anyway, if I do nothing else as a mother, I want Kim to know she is loved and that I'm there. Physically and emotionally there. It's never enough with that child though. I see her twice a week when I volunteer and I always go and sit by her and talk with her and her friends for a few minutes. All these giggly little girls look up at me and ask me if I'm taller than the principal (yes I am!), and tell me that I'm pretty. They are so cute! I'm happy she has little friends. When Kim gets home though she just complains and tells me that I never sit and eat lunch with her. It stings because, okay sure, I dont eat with her but I am there. She is so ungrateful. I never saw my mom at school ever. Is this just age appropriate Mom/Daughter stuff, or is my child just a huge brat? Is it because she is my first and I'm learning as I go? Are these qualitites that I should try to snuff out, or should I hope that she carries this 'spirit' (to say it nicely) into adulthood. Maybe it's just our personalities. My mom and never had that weird Mother/Daughter tension. We got along swimmingly. Maybe it's because she was working 40+ hours a week and we missed and truely appreciated each other. I don't know. It's hard because I think I'm doing the right thing, but if I use Kimmy-girl's behavior as my gage, I feel like I'm fucking up big time.

On a lighter note, I'm going to Passion Party #2 this weekend. I've heard good things about the bullet...we shall see!