busy day in suburbia

This morning my agenda was to take Kennen to preschool, go run, take the dog in for shots, buy a new swimsuit for the pool party this weekend, and lay out for 30 minutes. I told my neighbors this morning as we were dropping the kids off at the bus stop, and as I was walking back to my house she yelled, "Have fun enjoying your Cinco Ranch lifestyle!"

'I will thankyouverymuch' I thought.

Then a very bad thing happened. Sometime in the 20 minutes it took to take Hannah Shazama Hotlanta Montana to the vet, my cell phone stopped working. The screen went black and no matter what I did, I couldn't get the lights to go back on again. I suddenly felt very anxious! I don't have social anxiety, but I do have lonely anxiety! My link to the outside world was cut off. Most days, I have my cell phone either clutched in my hand or in the back pocket of my jeans. Now that it was useless, I felt very insecure. Crazy? Usually!

I ended up spending the day calling customer care, tried to order a phone online, locked myself out of my account because of too many log in attempts, went to an overpriced AT&T store, and finally ended up at Best buy. And yes, a phone from there really was the best buy. ha ha hoo hooooo I'm silly.

Jeff talked me out of a Palm something or another and I ended up with a LG Shine. It's so pretty! And Shiny! The screen is a backlit mirror. Lights off=mirror to apply my lip gloss. Lights on=brightly colored display. Slide display up to make a phone call. Slide display down and turn to the side for a camera. And it is thick enough to really look like a little silver camera. Insert 20 dollar adapter into phone and then pop your iPod earbuds into adaper and you've got yourself a Mp3 player.

If it would only go to Kohls and try on swimsuits for me, all my problems would be solved.

in laws

My in-laws are in town this week. I love it when they are here because they take over with the kids. I hate it when they are here because they take over with the kids. Well, I guess I have accepted Kimberly being under the spell of grandma and grandpa. Kennen though...I am used to being the sun, moon and stars to that boy. Now I'm just the bitch that says, 'No more candy,' and 'It's bedtime'. Kennen has joined ranks with Kimberly and I am useless when there is a grandparent in the house. I'm not sure why...maybe because he is the baby...but it cuts me deep when he literally pushes me away and runs to grandma and the new box of crayons she bought for him. Et tu Brute?

It also bothers me that when Jeff's sister called on grandma's cell phone, I overheard grandma saying, "Well he we are having to deal with lots of fits and crying if he doesn't get his way." WTF? You bring a suitcase (literally) full of new things for the kids, and overindulge them in every way and then choose to only tell other people about the bad things that my kids are doing? Why not say that he sits in your lap all day saying 'Grandma! Papa! Grandma! Papa!' I think she does this because she is trying to be humble and self depricating...but it actually comes across as shit talking. About my special boy...MY special boy that prefers her right now. So twisted.

But I should probably just swallow my lumps because this just *might* be me being psycho PMS Mommy. The thing is that I love my in-laws. I can sit and talk with them for hours. They are lovely people. I just don't like to share my kids. There. I said it. Mine mine mine all mine.

outsourcing

I just spent the last 45 minutes on the telephone with 'Jackie' who works for Vonage customer service. She lives in India. She speaks great English complete with slang! They must have trained her well. Except for the fact that she didn't understand a fucking word I was saying! AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

We started off the call resetting my username and password. My username is "four(insert my last name here)" so I entered that in, then entered in the new password that she gave me. For 20 minutes we went round and round and I still couldn't log in. We intricately spelled everything out and nothing worked. Finally she sent me an email with my username and password and wouldn't you know? She made my username 'Sour(insert last name here)'. Okay, that is an honest mistake...'S' and 'F' can sound the same over the phone. Except that I told her that is was FOUR like the number 4 like the number of people that live in my fucking house. And the fact that my email address is 'four (lastname)'...so it makes perfect sense that I all of the sudden change my username to 'sour(lastname)'.

Then I tell her the purpose of my call is to make my phone number a local number. For some reason, the area code matches the city I live in, but the prefix that Vonage gave me makes my phone number long distance to my neighbor. I really don't care except that Kimmy-girl has memorized our home number and I don't want her to need to call me from somewhere but can't because our home number is long distance.

Are you still following me? Because i'm getting lost...

The woman sets me up with a virtual number. It sounds brilliant. She gives me a local number and Kim can call home blah blah blah. We go through 30 minutes of setting up the new service and then at the end the lady tells me, 'Okay just have your daughter call this new number and it will sync up to your old number...presto chango voila!'

Um no you moron! the whole point is that she is 5 and I don't have faith that she can memorize a new phone number. I want my regular number to be the virtual number and the Houston number to be the regular number that I will never call because everyone that knows me has memorized my regular number. Are you following me now? It's complicated I know. Even more complicated because 'Jackie' speaks english but doesn't understand me. Oh, but she did understand when I suddenly said, 'Let me speak to you manager.'

'There is no manager, you can only talk to me.'

'Jackie we are obviously having a breakdown in communitcation. I need to speak with someone that will understand me.'

'I understand you.'

'Well why did we just spend 40 minutes signing me up for something that won't work for me. I must keep my regular phone number. But I would like it to not be long distance for my kid to call from the neighbors house. If you can't make that happen, then you should say, That cannot happen.'

'Manager please.'

Then she put me on hold for 10 minutes while she, oh I don't know...painted her fingernails, until coming back on and saying there is no manager here.

oh just fuggetaboutit.

miss Mary MAC MAC MAC, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK!**

Last week the know it all MAC counter girl told me that my skin is patchy and damaged from being dehydrated and in the sun, and that was why the makeup didn't look good on me. As you know, I bought it anyway...because it was $30 for the foundation and $20 for the pressed powder and that meant it was good stuff right? I was the one that was flawed and if only I use their creamy facewash and moisturelush moisturizer, my skin would be healed and their shitty MAC foundation would make me look flawless. Right?

Wrong!

I have been washing and moisturizing and my skin looks and feels fabulous. Their skincare products rock...for me at least. Perfect canvas for foundation application you would think. The shitty base started flaking and cracking. The powder is crap and not fine milled at all. I'm going back to Bare Minerals.

I could have straight up returned these but since they are on my magical credit card, I felt a little sad that I would go home with nothing. This card is my only indulgence. I rack up $200. I pay it off over 4 or 5 months. Then I go back and buy something completely frivolous again. It keeps me from becoming a frump a dump.

Aaaaaaaanyway, I explained to a new MAC counter girl that I hate their foundation and that I tried to love it but i hate it, and would she please give me a makeover? Apparently MAC girls are trained to tell you that you have shitty skin because she looked at my dewy youthful recently pampered skin and said, "Yeah...your skin is really uneven isn't it." This tactic is common in military training too...they break you down before they build you back up again. But she is shiny and sparkly and lovely and I want to be shiny and sparkly and lovely too so I sat in her chair and let her give me whore face 'smokey' eyes. And by 'smokey', I mean she gave me the, 'when my husband hits me it means he loves me' look.

I said no way, and so she scurried about collecting more pots of eyeshadow and expensive 'must have' application brushes. The result this time was so fucking fabulous! THIS was the result I had always wanted with my eyemakeup but could never do myself. Their colors are so vibrant and they actually stay put when you put them on. I'm in eyeshadow heaven.

I give their foundation a 2. I give their powder a 1. I give their eyeshadow a mutha fucking 10!




*Gah! I just wanted to apologize for my boring ass makeup post. I have no recent blog fodder moments to write about. If I don't use my creative expression I tend to lose it. I am doing y'all a favor here by writing randomly It keeps me from going into complete writers block mode and before you know it I will forget my password on blogger and I will never post again. So read about my makeup escapades and nod and smile. :D I will try to get a life...I swear.

**Oh, and did you notice that the MAC counter girls really do wear all black?

Bad Doggy!

Yesterday Kennen accidentally let the dog out. Usually Hannah Shazama Hotlanta Montana will just sniff around in the front yard but yesterday as soon as she felt her freedom, she bolted down the street. I ran as fast as I could but she was soooo much faster! We live just around the corner from a semi-busy road and Hannah was headed straight for it. I screamed for her to stop until my throat was hoarse and i saw visions of Hannah splattered across the boulevard in my mind.

A man in a truck coming home yelled for me to stop chasing her. I know that it is true...you chase an animal and they will just run faster. I halted in my tracks and I think my idiot of a dog actually had a lucid moment because she looked at the cars zooming past and turned around...stopped...and peed. It was my only shot so I crept up stealthily and grabbed her.

Thank the Lord. I love my doggy. Even if she is a bad girl and barks at the neighbors and steals food and poops in the toy room. I carried her halfway home. I held her and hugged her and all of her bad girl fluffy softness. Jeff ran up to me when I was halfway home and carried the her the rest of the way. Then I realized that I am totally out of shape because I was practically wheezing! Yeah um, time to start exercizing again. boo. hiss.

makeup

I bought new makeup this week. I have been using Bare Minerals for about 5 or 6 years now and I have always loved it. I ran out of foundation a few weeks ago and I decided to try something new. I have broken capillaries on my face (which I swear are from pushing my son out of my hoo-ha) plus breakouts here and there. Bare Minerals is a great product, but I just wanted to try something with heavier coverage. A few days ago I found myself wandering over to the M.A.C. counter. I got a makeover and I loved their creamy facewash and their moisturizer. I can slather the moisturizer on very thick and I still don't look greasy. I am a desert rat and i swear living 22 years of my life in Arizona has taken a toll on my skin. I have wrinkles, and my skin is so dry. M.A.C. moisturizer is perfect for me.

However, I also brought home their Studio Tech foundation plus their pressed powder and I have to say, I am very unimpressed. When I put it on, it just kind of sits on top of my skin and looks caked on and flakey. I have applied it with a sponge and also with a foundation brush. It sucks applied both ways. Plus my pores look huge. I am going to return it on monday. I think I will just buy another jar of my Bare Minerals.

So my question is, what kind of makeup do you use? Do you love it? Hate it? Is there another type of M.A.C. foundation that would work better for dry skin?

I've been Meme'd!

First, the rules:

1. Each blogger answers the questions about themselves.

2. Then tag five people. Make sure to let them know!

What I was doing 10 years ago - (1998):
I was 18. I was dating my 'first' (yessireee, all kinds of first with this guy :D) boyfriend. He had no personality, no job, no place to live. He ended up moving in with my friend Mike. The only thing he ever bought me was a snapple. He was nice enough though for a first boyfriend. He was never mean to me, oh but he did cheat on me. It's cool though...there was not much there with he and I anyway. Oh, and the lesson learned there was to always make every future guy wear a condom, even if they complain that, "it doesn't feel as good," without one. I blindly trusted an immature guy with my health and my future and for what? Crappy jack rabbit sex? I was always a safe sex girl until Jeff. I'm not sure what was up with that...maybe all the alcohol we were drinking?

Five things on my to-do list today:
1. Take Kennen to his speech therapy appointment.
2. Go to the mall, pay off my Macy's credit card. OH! Another thing I did 10 years ago was get my very first credit card at Macy's! Wow, I've had that card for a loooong time, but I've never had more than a $400 credit limit. Why don't they trust me? Must be the whole 'unemployed' thing.
3. 2 loads of laundry. Jeff promised to fold when he gets home. I'm not holding my breath on that one.
4. Super Luigi Galaxy! :D
5. Kiss Kennen and laugh when he 'wipes off' his face with his hands and say, "No more kisses Mama!" (No mow-uh kitheth Mama!) Sorry dude, I can't help it. You are way too kissable.

Five Snacks I enjoy:
1. Coffee
2. Wine
3. bean burritos
4. wine
5. wine

Five Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

1. 1st thing, buy a new vehicle
2. 2nd, have custom drapes made for all the windows in my house. Oh, and plantation shutters too.
3. Buy a summer home in Flagstaff, AZ
4. New wardrobe
5. For charity I would give away college grants to stay at home Moms that feel like their brains have turned to mush but would really like to do more than be just a mom.

Five of my bad habits:
1. Avoidance of laundry
2. Swearing
3. coffee in the morning, wine at night
4. being forgetful
5. other than that, I am perfect.

Five places I have lived:

1. Mesa, AZ

2. Flagstaff, AZ

3. Springfield, IL

4. Katy, TX

5. that's all!

Five jobs I’ve had:

1. McDonalds

2. Various Temp jobs

3. Making blueprints at an art store

4. Cocktail waitress

5. Administrative assistant at a phone company

What I’d like to be doing in 25 years:

Lets see, I will be 53 so I would like to be traveling with Jeff and hanging out with the grandkids.

Okay, the 5 people I will tag my neighbors this girl, that girl, Penny, Sloane, and PCS (because I haven't heard from you in awhile!!!). After your post, you need to tag 5 more and let them know!

Random moments of my weekend

Jeff's work party went off without a hitch (well, there was a hitch with a speeding neighbor at about 11pm but that is a story for another time). The crawfish were awesome and the best part is that now my house has been spring cleaned. I scrubbed the baseboards, walls, doors, floors, toilets (barf), and all the stains are out of my carpet. The worst part is that I am still dehydrated. I drank for about 10 hours straight and am now have a bright red sunburn...so yeah, I'm a little parched.

I love Jeffs boss's wife. She is warm, funny and down to earth...even when rocking her $1000 bag. It was great to see everyone so now when Jeff comes home and tells me stories, I will know who the heck he is talking about.

Oh, and we finally collected all 120 star bits on Super Mario Galaxy! Jeff really hates that game but I am not good enough at it to win by myself. I have to bribe him with um, favors, to get him to sit and play with me. This weekend after he defeated Bowser, he was happy because now he would never have to play again. Well, after you beat the game the first time, you can restart with Luigi. I have 5 stars so far and only have 115 more to go. Poor Jeff. Hot damn I love my Wii.

Back of the bus

Jeff just called to tell me that his plane just arrived back in Houston.

Me: 'How was your flight?'

Jeff: 'Kind of bumpy, but I ate and then fell asleep.'

Me: 'Is it true that the back of the plane feels more turbulence than the front of the plane?'

Jeff: 'Well you know when it is cool to sit in the back of the bus when you are in elementary school? you bounce around on the seats and it's really fun?'

Me: 'Yeah!'

Jeff: 'Well when you are an adult and you are 30,000 feet up in the air, it's not so cool anymore.'

My parenting ephiphany

I was reading shrinkingboobies today and she wrote about her parenting epiphany. I also feel like I am still a kid playing with dolls in my house. I don't have a clue, but I trust my instincts and pretty much wing it.

One thing that took me a long time to realize though, was how to surrender to motherhood. I love my kids fiercely, but I still had my own agenda. My epiphany hit me like a ton of bricks at my sister in laws wedding. Kimberly was a 3 year old flower girl, and Kennen was 4 months old and strapped to my chest in a baby bjorn. There was an invasion of the body snatchers and although Kimmy-girl walked down the aisle beautifully she quickly turned into the toddler from hell. I've never been so angry with her. She refused to take pictures and I wanted to shot put her across the meadow. I had no choice but to take her upstairs and get this screaming devil child away before she ruined my sister in laws beautiful wedding. I took her upstairs and turned on a movie for her and nursed my baby boy. I was angry and resentful. I was looking out the picture windows at all of the pretty people in their pretty clothes enjoying the cocktail hour. I was stuck in the dressing room. Alone. With my 2 brats.

I took a deep breath, and decided to choose to mother my kids with tenderness, and not hate. This is what I signed up for. They come first. No fancy pants cocktail hour to mingle with adults if my 3 year old is strung out. No cocktails if I have a baby to nurse. And I decided to be okay with that. This is my only chance to give them a happy childhood. This too shall pass. And you know what? It's going so fast that my head is spinning!

The next step? Trying to remember who I am because I am more than a mother, right?

Oops!

I have been dying my hair at home now for over a year and I've been pretty successful with it. It is really cheap and I have learned what colors to buy and have relied on the ex hairdresser that works at Sallys Beauty Supply to guide me in the right direction. I usually dye my hair with a 8 neutral blonde mixed with equal parts of 20 volume developer. In the summer I go a little lighter with a 10N. I also squirt in a little 'Lock in Blonde' to keep from going brassy.

It's not always perfect but it is good enough for me. I would love to pay for hilights every 6 weeks, but my kids like to eat...I know, they are weird like that. Today though I used a 7N soy based dye with volume 20 and my hair turned brown! Apparently on the color scale, 8 is a blonde color and 7 is a medium brown. I've never used the soy based dye...I wonder if that did it. Or, I bet that I was supposed to use a 30 or 40 volume because I wanted to deposit a little color on my blonde hair.

Oh well. I am back to my natural color and I actually like it! I went shopping today and I kept thinking, "Wow! I'm a brunette. People are probably thinking, 'wow! look at that tall brown haired girl,' instead of the usual, 'wow! look at that tall blonde girl!' (wtf? spell check is telling me that 'blonde' is incorrect and that I should use 'blond' or 'blond e') whatevs.

Now though, I think I am going to take the next step in experimenting on my hair. I am going to try and do hilights. Just a few around my face. Dare I? Maybe I will just go to my trusty super duper cheap salon. I would tell you the name of the super duper salon, but I have decided to stop telling people about them. They are getting really busy lately and I have to actually make an appointment instead of just walking in on a whim. I guess word of mouth travels fast. Oh, did you want to see a pic of brunette Stella? here ya go:

The good wife

Jeff decided to host an unofficial work party at our house next weekend. I'm looking forward to it because I want to be able to put faces with names. I've already met his admin and she is a sweetheart but there are a lot of people that I haven't met. Or I guess I met them last year at Jeffs unofficial official work bbq, but I'm terrible with names and I was busy chasing the kids.

What I am not looking forward to is getting ready for the party. By myself. With a 4 foot laundry monster. And dirty baseboards. And the kids constantly making messes. And Kennen peeing on everything in the bathrooms except for the actual toilet bowl. Jeff said that people might want a tour and that I need to clean out our closet. Ha ha! I'm laughing! He's funny, no? Would you ever try and peek into your co-worker/boss's closet? I dont think so. He also requested that I clean up the guest room. It has become the dumping ground for random shit. And the kids pulled the christmas decorations back out the the closet in there. And there is a baby swing in there (let me know if the baby shower gods don't bring you one Kempy...it has your name on it!)

On top of his demands, I personally think that I should go around the house with a bucket of touch up paint just to clean up all the nasty kid finger prints. Damn you flat paint! Oh, and I need to week the back garden and train my wild flowering vines up a trellis. And power wash the back pation. And buy a new patio set because right now we are slumming it with camp chairs.

We have our neighbors over a lot so I'm not worried about the food because that part has become second nature. But I can relax with my neighbors because they still love me if I don't do my dishes or wash my floor. Well, they pretend to still love me anyway.

One day down and I have done nothing. Nada. you want to know why? I am a huge procrastinator. My only inspiration is procrastination. I ike the stress of meeting a deadline. Or something.

Question...

I started blogging about 2 years ago on myspace before i switched over to blogger. I was feeling nostalgic today so I just spend an hour reading my old blog. Now I am feeling like Tripped and Fell is just not complete without posting my primitive attempt at blogging from myspace to blogger. Is there a was to bring everything over to blogger and have the dates archived in the correct chronological order?

...sure do appreciate any input! :D

Big bad world

Yesterday Jeff drove home from his business/fishing trip in Illinois. There was a huge storm that followed him all the way home. He was actually in Little Rock about 40 minutes before that tornado hit last night. He called me right before he got to Texarkana (aka ass rape country) and said that he just heard the storm warning on the radio, "GET INTO A BASEMENT NOW! IF YOU ARE DRIVING, PULL OVER AND SEEK SHELTER IMMEDIATELY".

I told him he was a lucky bunny. The crazy thing is that the interstate highway was flanked in storms on both sides, but the road itself stayed clear where Jeff was driving. Somehow he avoided the golf ball sized hail, 60 mph winds and of course, the tornadoes.

p.s. I just had a knock at the door. It was a bunch of Jehovah Witnesses trying to give me the word of the lord or something. That Mezuzza that Jeff's parents brought back from Israel a few years ago really comes in handy at times like this. I pointed to it and said, "We're Jewish" before they even started talking and they quickly stepped off my front porch step. Before they burst into flames.

Everybody hates the laundry monster

Today when Kimberly got home from school, I asked her and Kennen to take their folded clothes upstairs before they could relax/have a snack/play or whatever they wanted to do.

Kim asked, "Can I just have a little rest first?"

Me, "No."

Kim, "But I'm so tiiii-yuuuuuuurd!"

Me, "Ask me if I care."

Kim, "Do you care?"

Me, "No, put your clothes away."

*This is where she starts crying.

Me, "Why are you crying?"

Kim, "Because I know you DO care because you are really great Mommy!" Then she just hung her little head.

sigh. I need to remember that she is a sensitive little soul.

Here's a story.

A few weeks ago, Jeff developed a mysterious rash under his arms. It started from the friction (hee hee) of lifting weights but it never went away. He went to the doctor and she decided to take a needle biopsy of one of the bumps in the rash. Jeff has a major phobia of needles but the nurse was really talkative and funny, and he said that she put him at ease. They were still chit chatting as she was finishing up, and as she put the needle into the biohazard container she pricked her finger. With Jeff's bloody needle. OMFG!

The poor thing must have been freaking out!

Jeff said he heard her telling the doctor what happened and that she was pretty frantic. After she had cleaned up her hand, she came back in and held up her finger and told him she pricked her finger. Before she even asked he told her she could draw his blood and ask any questions she had. They ended up taking 4 vials of blood and asking a lot of 'lifestyle' questions like, "Have you ever had homosexual sex, taken IV drugs," etc. On his way out the door, Jeff reassured her that she was going to be fine but he could tell that she wasn't going to 'be okay' until she saw the test results herself.

The test results came in and of course everything was fine. I was at the doctors office yesterday for my allergies and I brought Kennen with me. As we were walking to the exam room one nurses was lingering outside my exam room and was very smiley and happy and talked to Kennen and said how cute he was. While I was waiting in the exam room, I called Jeff and asked him to describe the nurse that pricked her finger, and guess what? It was the super smiley nurse. A-ha! I knew that was more than regular nurse niceness...it was more of a, "Thank you for not being a nasty heroin junkie skank...since we have swapped bodily fluids and all!"

It is time

When we were moving to Texas, I wanted a new vehicle but we decided that we would buy a house first. Then we went a little nuts with square footage and wood floors and put ourselves into the 'house poor' category. There went my new car. Oh well, I think we are in good company. It seems as if the rest of the nation is house poor as well.

We thought of it this way though. We are young. Jeff was low on the scale of where he could go in his career. I will eventually go back to work. We will grow into this house and the mortgage. The great news is that it is happening! Jeff rock$ at his job. It's a little surprising to me because when we got married he was a waiter.

Anyway, the bad news is that my car is a total shit-mobile. Well, a shit-mobile that has no air conditioning and a drivers side window that will not roll up. Oh, and it's dirty. That last part is all my fault though. :D As much as I would love to have more disposable income, I can't and wont drive that car for another year. Now the shopping begins. Do I want something earth friendly? Absolutely! Do I want a gas guzzling hog? Kind of! Brand new Kia? Used Lexus? I really don't know. My standards are low because air conditioning and windows that roll up and down are the first "must haves" on my list. Leather is 3rd. I've learned that washable surfaces and Stella are a much better match.