Today online registration opens up for Kimberly's fall soccer season. I was hunting around the website and i found a few tidbits of advice for soccer parents:
“Asked what embarrasses them most,
every single child surveyed listed parents
hollering plays or instructions from the
sideline or stands.”
every single child surveyed listed parents
hollering plays or instructions from the
sideline or stands.”
OOPS!
- The Ride Home
- – Never reward what you perceive as success
- – Never punish what you perceive as failure
- – Don’t evaluate your child’s performance, he or she is playing to have fun, not to earn a grade! If he/she had fun, the day was a success
– Meet your child’s needs: remember the questions you asked and the answers you got as to why your child is playing soccer
OOPS AGAIN!
I must admit that last season I was a screaming maniac on the sidelines. I exploded on her in the car after she played really poorly. It is just so hard to watch your child be so disinterested in a little competition. I am not super competitive but I at least want to feel like i am in the game, you know? I want to make sure nobody feels like I am letting them down. It was painful to watch Kimberly focused on the super soft sand around the goal, or the bugs crawling through the grass. It made me so mad to see her half heartedly running along with her friends with zero enthusiasm...but when it was the end of the game and time for snack, she sprinted as fast as her little legs would carry her to get her share.
I don't know how to motivate in a positive way. I would rather my kids have me be hard on them to prepare a little for the world...instead of syrupy false praise that give a false sense of a job well done. I don't want Kim to think she is perfectly fine just the way she is without applying herself to something. I just don't feel like i am doing her any favors by plastering a smile on my face and saying, "Wow! Great game Kim! Excellent teamwork!" when it was glaringly obvious that she didn't even try.
Maybe I should just build her up though. I dunno. Should I be her soft place to fall? Should I be the one to apply the pressure to her that she needs to succeed? I really don't know. This is the first time I've had a 7 year old and I have no idea what I am doing.
I must admit that last season I was a screaming maniac on the sidelines. I exploded on her in the car after she played really poorly. It is just so hard to watch your child be so disinterested in a little competition. I am not super competitive but I at least want to feel like i am in the game, you know? I want to make sure nobody feels like I am letting them down. It was painful to watch Kimberly focused on the super soft sand around the goal, or the bugs crawling through the grass. It made me so mad to see her half heartedly running along with her friends with zero enthusiasm...but when it was the end of the game and time for snack, she sprinted as fast as her little legs would carry her to get her share.
I don't know how to motivate in a positive way. I would rather my kids have me be hard on them to prepare a little for the world...instead of syrupy false praise that give a false sense of a job well done. I don't want Kim to think she is perfectly fine just the way she is without applying herself to something. I just don't feel like i am doing her any favors by plastering a smile on my face and saying, "Wow! Great game Kim! Excellent teamwork!" when it was glaringly obvious that she didn't even try.
Maybe I should just build her up though. I dunno. Should I be her soft place to fall? Should I be the one to apply the pressure to her that she needs to succeed? I really don't know. This is the first time I've had a 7 year old and I have no idea what I am doing.
6 comments:
Hey Stella...It's Ashley. Um, that sounds like a super-P.C. code of ethics by your local league. CRAP, as far as I'm concerned. Don't ever break their spirit over a game, especially at 7.....However, you are so right. If they commit to something, they darn well better give it their best! It costs too much money to go sit and not participate, AND, I don't think they're ever too young to learn that when you're on a TEAM, you don't let your team down. Granted, this will take years to fully appreciate, but little by litte, ya know? Don't expect super focus, skill, and star moves...but definitely tell her that if she's gonna choose an activity, "go hard or go home"...Is that how it goes? I don't know about you, but I'm getting so sick of the P.C. outlook...I don't think it does our kids any favors!
Hey Stella! Shoot me an email or catch me on FB for some chatting about this issue - have many years experience - hahahah
Ashley, I love you girl. p.s. Get a facebook account!!!!!!
Daria-I will find you on FB. :D
Just signed my oldest son up for soccer for this Fall! I'm excited and nervous about it. I wonder what kind of mom I'll be at his games? lol...
I agree 100%. Our generation has work ethic, mainly because I think our parents use to hit us with belts and smack us in stores.
Although we have moved away from that, people have taken things to the extreme. And reinforcing negative behavior creates entitlement to these kids. The kids in my school and even the young workers that are between 21-25 y/o have zero work ethic and think they are entitled to everything!
Really ticks me off. So I say, don't indulge unwanted behaviors because then she will never learn what is expected of her!
But maybe tune down the sideline yelling ;)
Maybe you should ask if she really wants to play or is she playing because you want her to? If she doesn't want to play, then find something that she is interested in.
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