...a financial related panic attack.
Does anybody want to give me money? Anybody? No? Awww, it's cool.
I just had a conversation on the phone with Jeff and we talked about me going to work, how much I could make, how much daycare and gas would cost...and it turns out I will make about $200 per week. That is $800/month. Sounds great to me!
Jeff said we will buy a smaller house or rent before that happens. Seriously, what the fuck? He would rather move that have me contribute financially? I'm really not sure why. Is it really because he doesn't want our kids in daycare? Or is it because he gets off on knowing he is the provider. Does he want to keep me in a pumpkin shell? I don't know. The thing is, that while I have many redeeming qualities, I'm not the best stay at home Mom. I 100% love and adore my kids and I get a lot of personal satisfaction out of being there for them. But do I love and adore laundry? Dishes? Do I shut my mouth like a nice little kept woman? Nope. I'm always one step behind and I can be such a moody bitch. Why does he like me so much? I'm not sure but I am glad.
I have been answering craigslist ads to do childcare from home. I want to watch a baby. I want a baby in my house, but I don't want to birth it myself. I want more money in this house, but my husband doesn't want me to work. It seems like a win win situation.
Why don't you think he wants me to work? Have I been tricked into being his personal slave, or am I spoiled? I cannot decide...
Friday, August 1, 2008
I'm having...
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11 comments:
We had this discussion a long time ago in our house. It's not that I don't want her to work. If she wants to that's great. But we both recognize the importance of someone being home with the kids. Now our youngest is starting kingergarten this year so the year after that she said she'd like to go out and find somethign part time...
Anyways... what about your bow making? Sell some bows on Etsy or something... that'll make some money and ease your bow addiction at the same time...
$800 a month isn't anything to sneeze at, but isn't so much that he may feel worth the extra stressers on the family due to the changes it would bring. If YOU want to work, it really doesn't matter what he thinks. REALLY. Don't ask him. TELL him. If you explain the situation the way that YOU think you'd be happiest at, then that's all that matters.
Daycare may be a good solution. Especially if you can find a family that fits into your views.
Oh, and remember: the laundry, dishes, dirty house, etc. will STILL need to be cleaned if you go back to work! So, essentially, you'll have 2 full time jobs. Yay....
It’s probably just a bit of both and then the logically aspect. He probably is thinking how it would take him a few days to earn what you would make in a month and how his life would change a little bit because the household would be different. You’d be a little more stressed with having to do all the stuff you do at home plus now this new stuff. Sure you’d have a little bit of extra money for fun things but you’ll be more tired and cranky and all that fun stuff might not be as fun. Maybe you can do something a few hours a week from your house or just wait until you start school. You probably won't want anything to do with a job then. That will keep you busy. Maybe you can get some scholarhips (i could help you with that, since that's what i do - i am not as familiar with Texas.
At the risk of stating the obvious, you should really talk to Jeff about this when you are calm and ready to hear what he has to say (you don't have to agree--just listen). We could all speculate about what is going though his mind, but only he knows! I am sure you can figure it out together, and I don't know you in real life but it sounds like you two have a loving relationship. You seem like a strong woman and I doubt you'd choose a partner who wants to control you or views you as a slave.
Liam-I am interested in a mans perspective. I know that you and your wife talked about being there for your kids, but I have a question just for you. Do you define/feel good about yourself for being the sole provider. Does it make you more comfortable to have your wife at home where you know she is only dedicated to you and the kids? Do you feel threatened by the thought of her having interests that don't involve what she is cooking for dinner?
I also sort of feel that if I go back to work, then the housework will become 50/50...which is probably just my denial talking. It will be like 2 jobs.
But, I feel like I was useful when the kids were babies and I am really getting bored. A job where I dress up and talk to adults sounds like a slice of heaven to me.
Gotta agree with Tracey- you will still have all the same housework you have now, AND a out of home job....
But I can def understand needing a change of pace!
Maybe try it for a year, and then if you don't like it you can try something else.
Ahh I disagree with hermitgirl and tracey- if you're working as well, then its reasonable to cut the housework down the middle. Surely Jeff would understand not wanting to come home and do 100% of it. Fair's fair, you're not living in the 50s.
The bow thing is a wicked idea though. You could buy a website and sell them from there. Maybe do a business course in the next few years. Advertise by word of mouth, local hair salons, school newsletters and dance schools. I'd buy them, I think they're gorgeous! I'm sure I'm not the only one!
Hmm....my opinion is that....do what you think is best for your family until Kennan is full-day school. Which may be staying at home being a horrible house wife for the next couple of years ;)
I have had this convo with Cakes about our "future" children and he absolutely wants me home and not have our kids in day care. He rather work a million jobs before that happens.
I know its not because he wants control or me taking care of the house but because he wants me rearing the kids and maybe not have a stanger watch the kids.
As for housework, unfotunately I think regardless if you work or not, for the most part, it will land on you. But I have read your blogs, Jeff will help out (I think?)
And I disagree 100% with Tracey. You can not just tell Jeff you are going back to work and just do it. Those are his kids too.
And I think you are having a finacial panic attack because you are home and money seems tight and you might be having a little bit of guilty feelings being there. But relax and have a good time and listen to Jeff, he will take care of you and the babies.
You are a lucky women to have that option:)
SOrry for this really looooong-winded opinion.
I think he wants to be the sole provider.
I've always told her that if she wanted to go work and have me stay home I'd be fine with that... Honestly she's got a graduate degree from an Ivy League school... she can probably earn more than me.
But she wants to stay home...
As for interests that don't involve cooking dinner... Oh hell no. I push her to get out of the house... She goes out every Thursday night to do her hobby...
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