Ohh...scandalous!

does this count for HNT? I took this picture while I was drunk on an airplane.


Anyway...onto the blog...

I am going to spend 2 weeks in AZ and i am writing up my itenerary right now. I was thinking that by me staying 2 weeks, I would have plenty of time to see everyone at a leisurly pace. um, yeah that doesn't look like it is going to happen.

The most important person is my Grandma. She is 91 and is blessed to still be in great health. If anything she is suffering from a broken heart from the death of my Grandfather in January. She keeps telling me what I can have of hers when she dies. It's not at all said in a pity party type way, but it is all very matter of fact. She has no fear. It's like she has already lost the most prized possession...her husband. Nothing else matters. Not even how many more days she is alive. But at the same time, she has been doing quite well. She goes to water aerobics now and is telling me about her new friendships with the other widows in the community. I'm also going to take my Wii with me and teach her how to bowl. We are going to cook and freeze single serve meals. We are going to have a great day.

Other than that I am open. I am going to see my highschool friends, my college friends, my super sweet cousin, my Mom, my aunt...basically every human being on the planted that I know personally. When I think of the wealth of people I know in AZ, it makes me wonder why we live in Texas. Then I remember the whole 'husbands career' thing and the whole 'cost of living' thing, and then the 'exemplary schools' in Texas thing.

But I'm just going to enjoy the moment.

I'm going going back back to A.Z....AZ....AZ....ha ha ha.

Last night...

Last night I was playing Super Mario Galaxy and Kimberly was sitting next to me. Out of nowhere she pondered, "I wonder what Mario looks like naked?"

WTF?

This randomness is why I love my Kimmy-girl.

Green light means GO!

woo hoo!

This weekend Jeff gave the financial green light for me to go to Arizona! I can't tell you how happy I am to get out of here. The biggest bonus is that I wont have to clean my house for 2 full weeks. I am so sick and tired of feeling like I'm living in the movie, "Groundhogs Day". Wake up, make coffee, feed kids, clean clean clean, take kids swimming, watch them trash the house. Make dinner. clean dishes. Watch Jeff watch tv, go to bed....do it all over again the next day. The redundancy is ending...I'm outta here!

I have less than a week to prepare so I better get cracking! So...any AZ people want to hang out? Angela? Tanya? Bonnie? Wendy? See you soon!

More bow talk...I apoligize.

The other day, I was at Hobby Lobby (I can't believe that I hang out at hobby lobby...wtf happened to me?) and I bought a scrap bag of ribbon. In that scrap bag, a huge yellow sash was hidden. Kimberly fell in love with it...and insisted that I make the biggest bow evah.

Who am I to say no to big ass bows? You Like? It's Nice?

I did an interview of Kimberly tonight while she was wearing her new school time accessory.

"How old are you Kimmy-girl?"
...really? Six you say? That is fascinating!"

"So...Um...What is that on your head Kimmy-girl? Wha-wha? The biggest bow evah? Who has the best Mommy in the world. Yeah...I know I'm cool like that."

"Is there anything new in your life?"
"Holy cow! You lost another tooth! Darnit Kimmy-girl...you are super cute with that new hole in your head. So how much did the tooth fairy give this year? $5??!!!?!?! Your Daddy must have put in a special call for the tooth fairy, because even I know that is superfluous!"

"So is that bow weighing you down at all?"

"...maybe a little bit? You are losing altitude there..."

"Huh? Beauty takes pain sometimes? Yes sweetie...you are probably right on that one."


Kimmy: "Daaaaaddddyyyyyy! Step off!"

I think Jeff is impressed!
And I think Kimberly looks like a teeny tiny Jeff...with a big ass bow on her head.

I'm a liar...

Jeff has this totally annoying habit of delegating tasks to me. This stay at home Mom gig is interesting. There is a shift in power that would make the bra burners riot. He makes all the money, and I raise the babies. But I also do all of the cleaning. And cooking. And laundry. And paying bills. To be fair, Jeff is not a caveman that gives me shit for anything. But when he comes home and I have, for example, forgotten to buy him diet soda...his face falls subtly. I don't want him to think he is neglected or the last priority on my list. I just love him so much and I want him to feel it.

Today he asked me nonchalantly if I was going to clean the kitchen and the living room.

"Sure, no problem!"

Instead I hung out with friends and at 5:00pm Jeff called and said he had the day from hell. I looked around at my dirrrrrty house and thought about my fun day with friends and I felt guilty as hell. He asked me, "Did you clean today?"

"Of course!" I lied. I had to! I know if I said "nope" then his blood pressure would go up that much more. Plus my lie was actually holding me accountable...right?

"Baby! Thank you. You rock."

"I know." oh shit!

I transformed into a magical housewife fairy and in 45 minutes I transformed my dirty hovel into a shining palace. I made sure the kids were dressed (they start stripping off their clothes as soon as they get home. I live in a naked house) and I even brushed my hair. I had to draw the line at putting on lipstick though.

I'm not that pathetic. Yet.

I've been busy...

Remember that day that Kimberly was afraid to go to day camp? I decided that I would just put Kennen in the camp and that I would keep Kimmy-girl with me. She's actually a pretty cool little person to hang out with so I didn't mind that she was going to go shopping with me instead. Once we got there though, she completely changed her mind. Patty and Laurie were very patient with me that morning. I was the asshole of 'Mommy's day out' in the following ways:

1. I was late. Like 20 minutes late.
2. I forgot my paperwork so I had to fill out a new form which took about 3 minutes. Grrr.
3. I didn't have cash so I had to wait in line to pay the teenager that was working the credit card machine. 5 minutes.
4. I walked Kennen into the preschool section and warned the girl working that beat that my son is a crybaby and to please watch him carefully. 2 minutes.
5. Forced Kennen to kiss me goodbye and took off his shoes. 3 minutes.
6. Get back to my friends and Kimberly starts crying now because she has decided she wants to stay.
7. Go find teenager with my paperwork and add Kimberly's name to the list. 2 minutes.
8. Stand in line for 5 minutes to use credit card machine again to pay for Kim.
9. We finally get into Lauries van and I realize I lost my mutha fucking keys.
10. Run around frantically looking for my keys for 20 minutes.
11. I found them right next to Kennen's shoes. I'm smrt.

60 minutes later, we finally drove off to Hobby Lobby to buy bow supplies. I have nice friends though and they forgave me for being the asshole of the day. Thanks ladies!

I spend a total of $25 on ribbons, clips and 1/4 inch dowels. I ended up making 18 bows total and I think I have found my new hobby. Heck I might even start selling them on ebay! We shall see!

Wanna see what I made?

Pink and Brown zebra...

Pink dragonfly:

Big 'Mod' patterned bow...kinda crooked but still cute:

Sweet and simple pink:

Big.Texas.Bow:

Another Big.Texas.Bow...this is my personal favorite:

Itty bitty ones for ponytails:

Pink mum with a gingerbread man:

Yee Haw! I could save this one for Rodeo Day at school...or I could use it any old day because I live in Texas:

Itty bitty piggy tail corkers:

They are so cheap to make and I really like doing it. It sounds like a possibility for some extra $$. At least enough to fund my nightly glass of wine. But I would love to be able to pay for my truck payment with this. We shall see...

Let's call this post, "Silent Saturday"

WTF?

This morning I am excited because me and my neighbors are dropping the kids off at a day camp tomorrow so we can go shopping and out to lunch sans kiddos. I decided to prep the kids and tell them how fun! it was going to be. When I told Kim where I was sending her tomorrow, she burst into tears and said, "I don't want to go...I want to be with youuuuuu!"

Crap. I would push the issue more but it is $15/kid and I want to make sure she will be happy...and that I wont have to come pick her up early. Decisions, decisions.

Oh! And Kennen is thrilled to go...he is talking about it non stop. My scaredy boy is ready to party, and my party girl wants to lay on the couch and cuddle.

So again I ask, WTF?

Economics and Sociology

I do believe we are in a recession. It is unreal to me how much things cost these days. We are at the end of our pay period and out of food, so I took my last $50 to Walmart today to see how far I could make my dollar stretch. When did a head of iceberg lettuce start costing 94 cents? That is about double what I expected to spend. I went with the generic cream cheese because Philidelphia was $1.79! I remember I used to buy a block of it for $1.00. These little things don't really seem like that much...what is 79 cents more? Just 3 quarters or so. Not a big deal right? Well it is a big deal when every item in your cart is double the price.

Then as I was driving home, my gas light came on. I drove by a gas station, saw the sign advertising $3.95/gallon...and just kept on driving. No effing way. When I got home, I unloaded the groceries (btw...$44 got me 5 bags of groceries. I swear it would be cheaper to eat Taco Bell every day). As I was carrying the bags inside, I saw Jeffs lawnmower gas can...I looked inside and it is full! 5 gallons of gas just sitting there...waiting to fulfull its destiny of powering my family around suburbia. I'm not quite that desperate yet. I am going to fill up tomorrow when we get paid, but I feel a little better that I can dip into Jeff's supply if I am in a pinch.

With all of this being said...life isn't that bad. It's all about choices. And I chose to spend $40 on bows this morning. I know, I have no gas in my truck and I buy a bunch of bows for Kimberly? Bad Stella. However, it wasn't an impulse buy. I think they really are necessary. Kimmy-girl will be in first grade next year. It isn't going to be as simple as Kindergarten. Cliques are going to be formed. The kids are going to become more aware of how their classmates are dressed...and they are going to being to sort themselves accordingly. Trust me, I know.
When I was little, my yard sale clothes and stringy hair certainly didn't get me far. Sure I had friends. Other grubby looking kids that saw me for what I truly was...sweet, funny, and imaginative. But I was also cornered on the playground by a bunch of bitchy and beautiful second graders that made fun of my thrift store look. In my little mind, they were 'right' and I never stuck up for myself.

Now I have rationalized that by spending money to bedazzle my daughter, I am helping my daughter make friends and to be invited to slumber parties. Parents of children that throw slumber parties are involved parents. They are the types of parents that over schedule their teenagers to keep them out of trouble. Kim will be friends with over achievers...not potheads (like her mother). Then she will go to college, go to grad school, get a fabulous job before marrying an educated man and and living a comfortable life.

So see? Me deciding to buy bows instead of half a tank of overpriced gas was a very wise choice.

99things thingy

1. I am 6'2"
2. And I'm a girl
3. My brother is barely 6'
4. I have big hands and feet.
5. I love it thought because they look exactly like my dead fathers.
6. I stare at them and think about him and am thankful that I remember something about him.
7. Most of my memories of him are gone.
8. Except for his voice and his smell.
9. Despite being huge, I'm a girly girl.
10. A snotty princess actually
11. My husband likes it.
12. The more bitchy I am, the more he loves me.
13. Guys are weird.
14. I self medicate my anxiety with alcohol.
15. I look forward to my nightly glass of wine more than I should.
16. I run for my anxiety too.
17. I got the idea from The Dog Whisperer. He said that dogs without exercise are anxious.
18. Stella without exercise is anxious too.
19. At any given moment, I prefer one child over the next.
20. It changes daily.
21. I pray that me doing this will not make them enemies.
22. Stella is my real name.
23. My kids names are real too. And my husband and my dog too.
24. I'm not worried about the big bad world.
25. But maybe that's because I live in Texas and you are allowed to shoot people if they come into your house.
26. I would shoot someone if they broke in and my babies were in the house.
27. Oh yeah, I'm packing heat.
28. I smoked cigarettes for about 10 years.
29. I quit with every pregnancy, but I started smoking again while breastfeeding both kids.
30. Bad Mommy.
31. I finally quit cold turkey in January of 2006.
32. Cold turkey is the only way to go.
33. It's like dumping somebody.
34. You choose for it to be over and you never look back.
35. I know I could start smoking again in a heartbeat though.
35. I am going to start again when I am 50.
36. Both of my kids will be 18 when I am 43.
37. That sounds fun and exciting.
38. But then again my only purpose in my life is my children.
39. I will turn 43...then what?
40. I pray that I'm with Jeff forever.
41. We are so perfect for each other.
42. One thing I can't live with is monotony.
43. Mediocrity.
44. Lukewarm.
45. Those three things make me feel dead inside.
46. So I married a passionate man.
47. That passion makes him a little self destructive.
48. Which makes me fret and wring my hands and hover.
49. Which he hates. But loves.
50. Best.Sex.Ever.
51. I am 29 now.
52. I can tell I'm hitting my sexual peak.
53. I'm so horny all the time.
54. I wonder if this is what 18 year old boys feel like.
55. Except I don't feel the need for variety.
56. Just frequency.
57. :D
58. I hang out at home a lot.
57. I used to because I hated my car and my a/c was broken
58. Now I love my Tahoe, but I can't afford the gas.
59. I am a republican. Small government, low taxes. I don't think I can vote Obama.
60. Even though I am eating up his campaign of, "Change and Hope!"
61. And I think Capitalism is swell.
62. Interesting how people have been crying, 'Save the Earth' for decades now.
63. Suddenly gas hits $4/gallon and now companies are scrambling to make Hybrid cars.
64. People don't care about the earth enough to go green.
65. People are selfish and only care about their own pocketbook.
66. Sad but true.
67. Now there is a market for hybrids because consumers are angry.
68. They want to buy a Prius so they can stick it to the man.
69. My husband works in the oil industry.
70. Does that make him the man?
71. LOL, I amuse myself.
72. He actually works in health, safety, and environmental.
73. He is trying to save the world...all while making filthy oil money.
74. My husband is hilarious.
75. He says all the uncomfortable and awful things that everyone thinks, but nobody says.
76. I used to want a boob job.
77. Now I don't
78. I'm not sure why but I am happier with my body after kids than I was before.
79. Maybe because I am impressed with what it is capable of.
80. I'm so crafty...I make people!
81. I read that somewhere and it cracked me up.
82. Speaking of babies...
83. There is a new baby on my street.
84. I have stayed away out of respect for the family, but today I must go over.
85. I have baby fever.
86. I need to hold the little love and marvel at her perfection.
87. And I need to give her some big Texas bows.
88. Okay, they are tiny Texas bows but we don't want to scare the little lamb.
89. Or her mother.
90. My house is almost spotless.
91. I just need to bleach the upstairs bathrooms.
92. I have 4 bathrooms in my house. Well, 3 1/2. But 4 toilets to scrub.
93. That was a bad idea.
94. Because my kids poop and then dont flush.
95. And I find it 3 days later.
96. GAG!
97. I love all of my blog readers.
98. Shine on you crazy diamonds!
99. You complete me.

F you firefox 3!

Has anybody else downloaded firefox 3 and now their adobe flashplayer doesn't work anymore. Grr, rawr.

Anybody know how to fix it?

Bows

Today my friend Dana showed me the super secret bow shop of Katy, TX. I guess it isn't too super secret because I told 2 other friends that I was going to a secret bow shop and they said, "Oh, is it the one in a warehouse?" Um, yep! That's the one. So I guess I should say that my friend Dana took me to the bow shop that I was the last to hear about.

I have been fretting over Kimberly's hair her entire life. Here is a picture of her just before her 2nd birthday. *okay I have to stop right now to feel the crushing pain in my heart when I look at my girl when she was smaller. Oh lord look at that sweet face* Whew! Anyway, look at her hair...

Here is the front.

Okay and here is her hair in the back. She was 2 here people. Her hair grows slower than any other child I've ever met. Look:


Since she is going into first grade next year, I decided that I need to detract from her short stringy split ended hair and stock her up on bows. This was in the clearance bin and Kim loved it! It's not the traditional hand tied big 'ole Texas bow but it is pretty cute nonetheless:


And while I was shopping for bows, Kimberly went crazy in the bin-o-fugly-bracelets. I think they make her feel fancy:


Here is what we came home with in exchange for a bucket full of money:


I loved watching her arrange and touch every one. She was holding them and talking about how happy she was going to be when she wears then to first grade.


My sweet girl. This is her thankful face. She didn't just say thank you though. She sat me on the sofa, gave me a shoulder massage, cooked up a pot of coffee and opened a can of peaches and served them to me in a plastic bowl.


I think her love language is gifts

Humble Pie

This morning the first thing Jeff said to me was, "Did you pay the cable bill?"

In true Stella form I snipped back, "Of course I paid the bill. Somebody probably cut the cable line or something." Hee hee. After Jeff left for work I called the cable company and the automated voice squeaked that I had made my last payment on May 15th. Hee hee. That would put me over a month late...and definitely fair game to have my cable shut off. Oops. It's not lack of money like it was in the early years of our marriage, (ahhhh, those broke ass years full of love, hope, and ramen noodles), but I just forgot. Or maybe I subliminally wanted a little extra spending money in Disney World and blew off the more frivolous bill. Who knows.

This means that I need a sugar daddy. Oh wait...I'm married. I think this means I need a job. Would I be a terrible Mommy for staying home with one child their entire babyhood, toddlerhood, and preschool years, but send the other kid to the sharks at the tender age of 3? Especially because my 3 year old is so sensitive. Oh, and speaking of sensitive, do I coddle him or toughen him up. I have no...

Okay you know what? Just forget about my whole martyr Mom paragraph above. My husband just called. We had a fun little speaker phone conversation between me, him and his administrative assistant. They are going out to dinner in a group for some world wide meeting or something. I told him to have fun and bring me something.

He said, "Well, what do you want?" and I said, "Chocolate cake!" Then he pretended to whine and compain in a cute way that told me that dessert is on the way.

Then his secretary (or admin, whatevs) said, "Don't worry...I'll make sure he comes home with something chocolate for you!"

Then I said, "Thank you! Yeah Jeff, listen to your admin." And then he said, "She's not my admin...she's my boss." And I quipped, "Well listen to you boss at work!"

Hahahahahaha! I'm so cool and witty. Then we hang up the phone and I think ha...ha...yessir this would be much more funny if she didn't have such big boobs. I'm not an insecure person...really I'm not. And it's not about how pretty she is. Honestly, if he were to cheat it wouldn't be with her. Hmmm, at least the up side is that if he were to ever cheat on me doesn't that mean that I get to have a fling too?

Hey I'm just looking for the silver lining here...

:D

Three is a magic number

For Liam...and all you School House Rock and Blind Melon fans!

3 Oh, it's the magic number...

...oh yes it is, it's the magic number. (do you have school house rock playing in your mind now?)

It's my 300th post! Hot Damn I think I have an addiction. Or is it just a healthy way to express myself. Or is it an excuse not to clean my house? Whatever it is, I like it. A lot.

Since we are talking about 3's...and multiples of 3, let me also talk about my triathlon training. Today is only day 2 of training. I started over a month ago but was struck down by the devil germ, salmonella, so today is the official start of my training. Today for the first time, I tried to do a 'brick'. I guess brick is a term for stacking either swimming, biking or running together. Today I did my 10 mile bike ride and I was feeling great. I was careful not to burn too much energy in my legs. It I was climbing an incline in the road, I would just spin gently and not power through with my leg muscles. I took it slow and easy...all while The Black Eyed Peas bumped in my iPod.

I got home, dropped off my bike and started walking. What the fuck? My legs weren't working. I stopped and stretched my quads and changed my music (Paralyzer by Finger 11 if you were curious) to get me amped up and started walking. I wasn't really in pain, but my legs were rubber and just had no energy in them. I turned the corner and got the the main road and I couldn't catch my breath and my heart was burning in my chest. Oh hell no. I thought I was in shape! I stopped until I could breath again and then hobbled home. How pathetic. I think I walked 1/8 of a mile. Oh well a brick is a brick, yes? Maybe if I spiked my gatorade with whey protein I would get the boost of energy I needed to keep moving. Also, next time I am going to try to bike maybe 3 or 4 miles, and then walk one mile...then rinse and repeat once. Biking 10 miles and running on my first brick was probably a bad idea. Live and learn, eh?

Are you bored yet? :D

Do you hear that?

Ahhhh. It's silence. No kids screaming with delight because of horsey back rides from grandma and grandpa. No stories of grandma's 3rd cousin's twice removed husbands best friends wifes bunion surgery.

No more *gentle* reminders from the in laws like, "Did you pack suncreen? I have sunscreen. It's spf 50. What is yours? 30? Oh....well I have spf 50 in that you can use so the kids don't get a sunburn." And then there was the, "I don't know why you just tucked in Kennen (mind you this was 9:30 at night on the day we flew home from Orlando), he was just jumping around having fun...he's definitely not tired." Rawwwwrrrrrrr-growllllll-grrrrrrrr-teeth gnashing was my response to that one. Yessiree I had enough.

Okay now I'm just being mean. I have learned to let my in laws love me in the way that they know how...which is kind of smothery. But day 7, 8 and 9 of their visit was more like I felt suffocated.

I was raised by a single Mom that taught me how to be independant and treated me like I was capable and brilliant. I have my very large ego to thank for the way my Mom raised me. It does have its downsides though. My Mom is very hands off. It is how I prefer things, but it does have its drawbacks...majorly annoying drawbacks:

"Fly away...be free little soul...no I don't want to babysit your kids...but you can stay at my house if you visit...but we like to go to bed at 8:30pm so keep the kids quiet...and don't let them touch my china teacups...And no don't expect to have anything in the house you can feed your kids...No not even milk...they can drink tap water like you did."

I think that my in laws were ready to go home too. Kennen was being a super brat with the last week of overindulgence. There was one night after dinner that we were all exasperated with Kennen because he wouldn't get into his carseat. Then Papa pulled out the big guns and said, "Get into your carseat before I beat your ass." Jeff and I laughed from the front seat and Jeff called him out on it and Papa said, "Did I really say that?" No Papa...you just thought it out loud.