Out of town visitors

My in laws visited me and the family this week. Kennen turned 4 on Tuesday and his party was on Saturday so it was a fun filled week of cake, presents and more presents. It was a really great trip and it was nice to be able to sleep in and read 700 pages into my book of the moment, "The Pillars of the Earth."

While they were here though, my MIL sort of tip toed around the question of when a good time would be to come and visit after baby #3 is born. My Mom is coming out for a week to 10 days and we are hoping to schedule that time so she is here a few days before I give birth (so she can help me catch up on laundry, lol) and to spend the majority of her time here taking care of me after delivery. I shudder at the though of having anyone here other than my Mom. She has seen me give birth, seen me topless while trying to breastfeed, seen me tired and cranky and hormonal.

She is a different kind of grandma. She loves the kids, but truth be told...she loves me the most. :D She is the only person on the planet that is 100% dedicated to my needs. She is a woman after my very own heart. She likes to wake up early in the morning and drink coffee...in silence! It is not that I am particularly grumpy in the morning, but I just want to sit and stare at the wall while I wake up and she is the same way. I suppose it is just becasue she raised me. But it is more than that. We are mother and daughter...but we are kindred spirits as well. I thank God that he chose her to be my mother. Even the situations of my childhood weren't ideal (alcoholic abusive father, raised by a single mom, my dad dies, I smoked a lot of pot and moved out when I was 18 with no plans of college, yadda yadda yadda) my Mom was ideal. She is so wise and is my mentor in life.

Wow, long tangent! Anyway I wanted to share an essay with you from a girl on my baby message boards. Even though the birth of a child seems like it would be a beautiful moment to share with family...there is a dark side. A bloody hoo-ha, leaky boobed, huge hormonal shifting aspect of childbirth that a new Mom doesn't want to share. I will let the essay from Sharon1964 elaborate:

What Happens After Birth

You will be leaking out of places you don't want to leak out of. Do you really want to stand up from the couch and have your husband's grandpa and his sister's boyfriends see that not only have you bled through your pad, but the blood is now running down your leg. Do you really want to say, "honey, can you come with me to the bathroom, I am bleeding all over and I feel a huge bloodclot coming out"... in front of this gang of people? Contrast that to "mom, I need your help please, now, I'm bleeding all over!" Does your husband really understand the volume of stuff that will be coming out of you, the possibility of lemon-sized clots of blood? Not 2-dimensional lemon-sized, but huge, round, 3-dimensional lemon-sized?

How many bathrooms do you have? If only one, do you REALLY want to have to make it "guest-level clean" every time you leave it? Do you really want this gang of people ogling your diaper-sized pads, peribottle, tucks pads, and all the other supplies that will be in the bathroom? Even if you have two bathrooms, that means you can't use the main bathroom, because you still have to leave it "guest-level clean" every time you use it.

Do they really plan to do something other than hold the baby, pass the baby around, and sit around expecting you guys to wait on them? Are they going to sit and stare at you? Thirty minutes after they arrive, and baby wants to breastfeed, are they going to quickly and willingly LEAVE your home so that you can breastfeed in the privacy and comfort of your space? Or are they going to hang around outside, waiting for you to be done, and knocking every so often wanting to know if they can come back in? Yeah, that's great for breastfeeding.

Or better yet, are they going to blow you off, saying "it's no big deal", and expect you to breastfeed in front of them? Even experienced moms need several weeks of practice to get good at it, so to speak, so that they can breastfeed wherever they want. Learning to breastfeed is not a time for people to ogle and stare at you.

When your breasts are engorged and painful and you want NOTHING to touch them, what then? Does your dh think it will be okay for his mother, sisters, boyfriends, and grandpa to stare at your huge naked breasts as you walk around topless?

What if your birth is smack in the middle of their trip? So what are they going to do the first few days, before baby? Are they going to sit and stare at you, waiting for the big moment? Then what? Are they going to camp out in your hospital room every day, all day? Yeah, that's great for resting. What happens when you leave the hospital and they beat you to your own home, and all you want to do is lay down in your own bed? Are they going to leave graciously, or are they going to sit in your living room, eating your food, messing up your house, and making noise, so you can't nap?

Does your DH normally allow people to invite themselves over to visit you guys without even ASKING? You guys are setting yourselves up for a lifetime of this. Then you will be blamed when you try to tell them that it is not a good time for you.

Does your DH understand ANY of these things?? Does he not understand that it is NOT about entertaining guests, but about recovery from a major medical procedure (either vaginal or c-section)? Does he not understand that you just grew another human being in your body, and will have just gone through the process of getting it out?? This is going to be an exhausting, messy, wildly hormonal time. Does he not get that??

Sharon