Cancer meds suck

My GI doctor prescribed 6mp for me last week. It's a cancer chemotherapy drug that was "accidentally" found to treat people with Ulcerative Colitis. Nothing else is working so and I'm desperate enough to try this.

:( it sucks so bad. The side effects are headaches, nausea, loss of appetite and fatigue. This particular type of chemo kills off your white blood cells, which I need because my WBC count is really high. I truly feel like it is killing off my life force. I'm so tired and I feel sick most of the time. I feel like a cancer patient. The thing about this medicine is that it takes 3 months to build up in your system before it even begins to work. I just feel like it's not even worth it.

Since I always love a bargain, I have to share this little gem with you. My medicine this month before insurance is $2600. My out of pocket would have been around $400. However, I've met my max contributions and now I can get any crazy ass expensive drug for freeeeee!

La di dah...in other news, I'm building a table! Once it's complete, I'll share my step by step pictures. ;)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Good times at the GI doctor

As we speak, I'm sitting in the waiting room at the GI doctor. Two things of note:

1. I'm the youngest person in here by far.
2. When a man in the waiting room stands up and urgently asks, "where's the bathroom?" about 5 people murmured in unison, "down the hall...on the left."

These are my peeps yo!

Mixed feelings

My baby is 1 today...O.N.E! I love the person he's turning into but I am a little devastated that he's not a "baby" anymore.

Then I get a phone call from Jeff. He just scheduled his vasectomy. I'm mostly happy but a little devastated. He's afraid he's going to kill me of I get pregnant again and my ulcerative colitis flares up. I know he's being overly dramatic. I don't want more kids...do I? No. Maybe just one more. No.
Yes? No. It's just so permanent.






- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

What's in a name?

Griffin is saying words! He says "Dada", "Kitty Cat", "Guh" (dog), "Nana" (banana).

He also calls me "Bobo". Ah the joys of a breastfeeding baby. Hmph. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he's saying stuff but I am more than a pit stop for a quick snack...right???

He turns 1 on Thursday! Oh what a wonderful year this baby has given me. He really is such a joy. I think back to how on the fence I was about having a third baby and now he has filled me up, made me and my family complete. Love this little dude. He's a bruiser. A sturdy little soul and seems to see the bright side of life. So different from his emotional and sometimes brooding older brother. He doesn't "dance" like my older kids did with music...he sings! I hear him humming the first few notes of "twinkle twinkle little star", then I sing it for him and he joins in...yelling out the notes and bobbing his head.

He's a good one.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Kimmyism

This morning I told him that she was going to my friend Rhonas house because I had a doctors appointment. She said "yay!" and then she asked, "why are you going to the doctor? For your rotting butt?"

Yes kimmy,for my rotting butt. Apparently "rotting butt" was how Jeff described my hospitalization last year. Nice.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Man card

Last night Jeff and I were watching the Bachelorette. I noticed that my toenail polish was chipped AND that the nail polish bottle was on the coffee table AND that Jeff was sitting in next to both my feet and the nail polish bottle.

I wiggled my toes and said, "Hey baby, will you paint my toes? I need a touch up!"

He looked at my feet...looked at the nail polish bottle...looked at the tv. He was quiet for a minute. Then he said, "If it ever got out that I was watching the bachelorette and painting your toes, I would have relinquish my testicles....so NO!"

Hmmmm I guess he's got a point there, lol.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Summer summer summertime!

This about sums it up:

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Girls just wanna have fun!

I have been down in the dumps lately. Two reasons.

The first is that i created chaos for my family because I mismanaged our money. And by mismanaged, I mean royally fucked up. I was terrified to tell Jeff and I tried to hide my gaffe which only made things worse. I finally came clean and he was surprisingly kind. I expected him to be more hateful. Silly me. He he must really love me. He forgave me and is fixing my mess. I guess I need to forgive myself. A self loathing person cannot be the best Mother.

The second reason is that it feels like lately things have been all work and no play. It's been a long hot summer and I feel like I've spent my days cleaning my house and entertaining my kids. A bunch of my neighbors have been on vacations while I stay and swelter in Houston. On top of that, my girl Laurie packed up and moved to Maui. Whaaaaaaaa! I miss her so much. She's my friend, my kids are friends with her kids, my husband is friends with her husband. :( She was a great neighber, amazing friend...

Okay I don't want to cry but there is definitely an emptyness since she left. She was always up for a mid day glass of wine which makes a day drinker like me feel like less of an alcoholic. Okay I'm crying now. I miss you girl!

Wait...im getting off track. The point if this blog post was to say how excited that I actually had a fun kid free evening turned fun night turned talking until 2:00am with a cool new friend. It started out as Bunko but we ended up spending the rest if the night laughing and before I knew it the clock said 1:45am.

Suddenly life seems a little brighter. I need to make sure I carve out time for myself. I actually like my kids today and am happy to clean my house.

Speaking of...it's a pigsty so I better get cracking!

A treasure

Kennen made something for me at preschool last year. It is just a piece of fabric with rhinestones glued onto it. I'm not really sure what its purpose is, but it is one of those things that Kennen poured his love into creating for me. I've misplaced (aka tossed haphazardly into the toybox) and Kennen has brought it to me. Big fat tears rolling down his cheeks and him saying, "Mommy I made this for you! Don't you want it?" (break my heart!!)

That's when I sweep him into a hug and thank him for finding it for me! Then he wipes his tears and laughs, "Silly Mommy!"

"Thanks Kenny. I love it!"

And I really do <3

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Is this all?

Ever wonder if every day is going to play out exactly the same as the day before? It seems like this is my new reality. Every day is wake up, make coffee, feed baby, kiss my husband goodbye until the evening. From then it's my job to keep my kids from fighting. Keep them fed and enriched.

Ugh I'm just oh.ver.it. I'm bored and I'm afraid that every day of the rest of my life is going to play out exactly the same.

Maybe it's just been a long summer.

Goodmama's The ONE stash pics

Today is going to be a very fun day in cloth diapering for me! I recieved some birthday money from my Mom and from my in-laws and what do I decide to buy? Cloth diapers. I know, I know...I have a weird obsession.

I fracking love these diapers though! It is rare to find boyish diapers that are cool and fun. There are endless lovely girly cloth diapers out there, but for boys you can usually only choose from sports themes, toy cars, and other lame patterns. As a result, most of my diapers are just solid colors, which is fine. Fine but not fabulous! Thanks to Goodmama diapers though, there is a whole new line of AIO (all in one diapers which means no cover is required to cover the rad prints!) diapers call The ONE's. My new stash of ONEs came in the mail yesterday and I couldn't be more giddy. I pet them, washed them, dried them, pet them some more and put them on Griffin. I'm not sure of all the names of these diapers, but here is what I got yesterday!

The Hot ONE:

The Snakeskin ONE:


The Snakeskin ONE again:



The Batik ONE:

The Sea ONE:


The Skully ONE:


The Green ONE (upsidedown, lol):



The Magic ONE (upsidedown too!):

The Tattoo ONE:


The Surfer ONE:

Because I'm self depricating...

and because there might be people out there in the thick of moonface thickness that are scared shitless that they will be fat and ugly forever. Here is my little jaunt with prednisone and Ulcerative Colitis over the last year. I was on 60mg for 5 days, 40 mg for a month, 30 mg for 2 weeks, 20 mg for 4 days, back up to 40mg for 2 weeks because I started bleeding again, 35mg for 2 weeks, 30mg for 2 weeks, 25mg for 2 weeks, 20mg for 2 weeks, 15mg for 2 weeks, 10 mg for 2 weeks, 5 mg for 1 week and now thank G-D that I have tapered off completely. I guess you could say I was steroid dependant because if I tapered too quickly I would get sick again. And by sick, I mean I would poop my pants. Sexy.
Drum roll please. Here is the good, the fat, the ugly and the good again.

Here I am about a month before I got pregnant. I was about 15 lbs lighter than I am right this minute.

Here I am mere hours from giving birth to my third baby Griffin. I was...the heaviest I've ever been ha ha. But my face has not really changed from pre-pregnancy. Notice the look of terror because I knew I was about to push a baby out of my vaginie.

Sigh. This is the most horrible picture and I am actually TAGGED on facebook in this one. This is a doozy. My weight is actually about the same as I am present day. But I think my face is 3 times larger than normal. I was on around 30mg of pred at this time and having a hard time tapering off. And please pay no attention to my huge looking body. My body wasn't huge. I was just under several layers because it was snowing. In Houston. Crazy.

This is me on fourth of July. Sorry it's blurry but my iPhone doesn't have an anti shake thingamajiggy and I had a squirmy baby on my lap. Moonface is gone! I've been off prednisone about 4-5 months at this point. Griffin does have moon face. Sweet chubby healthy baby moonface. And he's damn proud of it too.

This concludes my moonface before and after. Cheers!

Yee Haw!

We are staying in Texas. That is a huge relief. I'm just not in the mood to pack up my house, live in a rental for awhile, buy a new house, make new friends, blah blah blah.

Now that I've lived in my area for 4 years, I am noticing how my social circles/webs are all starting to connect. I cant tell you how many times in the last few weeks I have realized that my friends are friends with each other. So random! It is a good feeling. This is where I belong, and happily this is where I get to stay.

More to come soon!

Home is where the...

job is?

There have been some shakeups at Jeffs work. My over achiever husband is never satisfied to just 'be', and as a result he has great opportunities within his company. These would require moves and I feel like it's a new city every week. First Paris. Then Concord, CA (wine country, woot!), then Seattle (might have to double up on the prozac to deal with the gloom).

My first reaction to these ideas is always, "No!" But then I sit and I think, "Why no?" If this is what needs to happen, well I don't want to hold him back from reaching his full potential. He is a restless soul but somehow he's tame with me. I appreciate the tameness...but I don't want to kill his spirit. So. I will go where he goes.

I emailed him today that I was open to change. In an interesting turn of events...better things might now open up for him here in Texas. Hmph. Im thrilled but I spent over an hour pouring over real estate in far away places. I got a leeeeeeetle excited. I could have a forest in my back yard...or a vineyard! But more than anything I'm relieved. I love my house, my friends, my community, my super clean Super Target. The list goes on and on. :D

It all could change tomorrow but fingers crossed...I want to stay in Texas!

31!

Tomorrow I'm 31...eek!

I'm just that much farther away from 20 and that much closer to 40. Weird! I still feel like a clueless kid.

Jeff and I had the best day yesterday. We started it off with a fight of monumental levels. We agreed that the actual celebration of my birthday was going to be on Saturday because he was going to be out of town on Monday, my actual birthday. I woke up with expectations. I'll call this mistake number one. Birthday or not, my kids are still needy and hungry first thing in the morning. Dishes still need to be unloaded. Pork roast still needs to go in the crockpot. Baby still screams. Jeff still snores because it's saturday and he usually sleeps in. Basically I lost it because he wasn't fanning me with palm fronds and hand feeding me grapes. Like I said, I had high expectations becasue he promised to give me a good birthday. I wanted no drudgery.

Anyway, we had a big bad fight. Said things I shouldn't have said. He threatened to cancel the babysitter. :(

Instead he was a sweetie and bought me a Coach Wallet, took me out for sushi, suffered through going to a wine bar...it was fabulous. We also went to the shooting range. Hmmm, not my thing. Jeff said, "Don't you feel empowered?" Uhhhh, no. I'm a lover not a fighter. Or at least I prefer verbal combat vs tactical combat. I hate that gun, I hate the shooting range. At least I know how to shoot now.

Mmmmmmm, I'm going to indulge in a little leftover cold sushi for breakfast. Lets hope I don't get food poisoning. :D

My little techy

Kennen found the solution to me constantly telling him to turn down the volume on his DS. My son is so rad!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Psst...

Does anyone have the "words with friends" app in their iPhone? If so come challenge me to a game. My name is bobellaella. WWF is actually just scrabble so I'm calling all word dorks to come and play with me. Thanks Kempy for showing me this app! :)

Hmm...

Baby's first bong?

Griffin has pnuemonia! I took him to the pediatrician on Tuesday after having a fever and cough for four days. She said his chest sounded bad and the fever for days concerned her, so she sent me to the hospital to run some tests. It was supposed to just be outpatient but while I was there waiting for his blood draw, rsv test and chest x ray, his fever spiked. I didn't have any Tylenol with me and I freaked out. I ran across the hospital to the ER and started calmly explain that my doc sent me there for test, "...but now he is burning up whaaaaaaaaa!" you would have been impressed with my hysterical Mom charade. I didn't know I had it in me because I'm usually pretty calm. I was crying, pacing, couldn't remember his birthday for their paperwork etc. The front desk lady took pity on me and helped me strip off his clothes to keep his fever from scrambling his brain.

The nurse called me back and got the rundown of his symptoms over the last few days. I was still a crying mess and she asked,"is this your first baby?". I laughed and said, "no he's my third, you would think I would be more relaxed." She stuck the thermometer up his tookus and she said to Griffin, "Stop scaring your Mom." Then she said, "103.8. Let's get you in a room." More hysterics from me.

He got some Tylenol, an RSV test, blood work and a chest X-Ray. Thankfully no RSV, but he did have pnuemonia. Holy crap! They admitted him for the night to give iv antibiotics and breathing treatments. He perked up by morning and we got released that afternoon. Sheesh. He went from healthy to pnuemonia in 4 days! So crazy.

Now he's home with antibiotics and an inhaler. Silver lining? It's only January and we've met our deductible. Woot!




Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I wonder.

I have been so hard on Kimberly these last few days. She is so sweet and responsible and I keep pecking at her. On one of the blogs I read, some guys 16 year old daughter ran off with her boyfriend. Could that be Kimberly in 8 1/2 years? What was it about home that was so unbearable for this girl? An oppressive and critical Mother? Oh Kimmy girl, you are such a cool kid. What did I do to deserve a daughter like you? ***waving white flag*** I'm going to back off and let you bloom in a safe and warm place.

First yoga class

and I'm feeling very Zen. The light in me respects the light in you.

I even had a road rager honk at me and I'm not even pissed.

Namaste.

- Posted using BlogPresst from my iPhone

Dear scale,

Don't you know that I wore my ass out at the gym for two days? I should at least be holding steady but you said I gained???? Bite my ass.

Kisses!
-Stella


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Relentless

I tried to let Griffin cry it out for his nap today. He screamed for a good 40 minutes or so. I though "surely he will give up and go to sleep any second now!". Didn't happen because I caved. Why am I so soft with him? Why is he so strong willed? My little Leo is showing me who's boss. And now I'm holding him with his face buried in my armpit. Sign. What am I gonna do with this boy?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Camoneighbor

It's like you can't even see him!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My monkey...

...is starting to sleep in his crib at night. For almost two weeks now he has slept in his nursery from 8pm to 2am. It's not quite enough for the black circles under my eyes to go away, but it's enough to have my evenings to myself to hang out with Jeff or take a bath or whatever the heck I feel like.

I'm actually sitting in his nursery holding a sleepy Griffy right now. I love this room. It's so pure and untouched. Peaceful. Here is my little sleeping monkey in his little monkey bed!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone