I'm getting old...

Yesterday I went to Rhona's super duper house and as I was bending down into the car to get Kennen out of his carseat, I pulled a muscle in my back. Not a near my spine, but I pulled the long flat wide one that runs across the back of your ribs. I betcha didn't even know you had a muscle there...I sure as hell didn't! I can pretty much manage to do everything I need to do except pick up Kennen and iron Jeff's work clothes. Sorry baby! It was actually nice this morning not to hop out of bed as soon as Jeffs alarm went off. I just layed there and took an ibuprophen and watched him get ready for the day. Now I feel guilty so maybe I'll splurge and take his clothes to the dry cleaners. They do a better job anyway!

OK, well today i'm off to toys r us to exchange something. I will have both kids with me so wish me luck!

I love my drunken neighbors

I would be lost without them. They think my husband is funny when he is a drunk big dumb animal. In return, I think it's hilarious and the coolest thing ever when Bung Chows husband gets wasted!

Saturday was Kelly's party. She turned the big 4-OH! To celebrate, I picked up a Nascar cake, Kelly's husband picked up 80 lbs of crawfish, and then a bunch of guys pooled their $$ and bought a big bottle of Patron. Like the super duper big bottle. The one that is $125. It's worth every penny because it's the only way for the guys around here to get their wives drunk. Well, Patty and I can manage to get drunk on pretty much anything but Kelly is the picky one. She just can't say no to a shot of tequila. And I'm very fine with that. :)

Anyway, we started with the mud-bugs (that's Kennen's favorite word for crawfish) and I had like 4 huge piles to myself. It's my new favorite food. I'm craving it right now...mmmmmmmm.

The rest of the night we drank and laughed so hard that my abs still hurt. It all ended with H passing out in his living room floor with the spot-bot whirring loudly next to him...busily scrubbing at the puke on the floor. Someone found a box of sharpies and we just couldn't help ourselves. Jeff wrote 'I'm a butt pirate', Laurie wrote, "Tequila kills...luv ya!" and I colored his toenails blue. There was more written but my memory is a little fuzzy at this point in the night. Patty thought it was hilarious! She said that the last time he got written on in sharpies was his bachelor party. Apparently the strippers all signed their names all over his body. And Patty married him the next day anyway...knowing full well that he was covered with stripper stamps underneath his tuxedo. She's a good Patty. :)

Oh, and right before we left I noticed that H was coming too a little bit so I asked him, "Hey...do you want another shot?" He mumbled, "Do you want to suck my ___? You bitch...f--k you...mumble mumble mumble," then he passed out again.

Then Jeff sat on him...I guess to retaliate for me?!?!?! Then we called it a night!

:)))This will go into my memory as one of the best drunk nights ever! Happy birthday Kelly!

Birthday girl

My sweet firstborn child turned 5 on Friday!

Jeff left a present on the stairs for her to see when she first came down the stairs that morning. I was lounging in bed after Jeff left for work and I heard Kim creeping down the stairs. I heard her scream really loud and it scared me out of my half sleep. I sat up and she came walking in all incognito. Like she hadn't just peeked into the giftbag.

"Hi Mommy," she said all aloof.

"Did you see your present?"

Then a big mischevious grin eruped on her face and she said, 'I peeked!'

I told her she was allowed to open it and she ran off quickly and then came bouncing back with a puss-n-boots doll from Shrek 3. She loved it and hugged it and kept it for her very own.

I started making her swedish pancakes (both of our favorites...thank you IKEA for jarring your lingonberry sauce!) She told me she only wanted to eat one because she didn't want to be late.

"Late to what baby?"

"Late to my Pump it Up party!" she said with glee

I crushed her little bubble when I told her that 'today is the day you were born but tomorrow is your birthday party.' It just didn't compute in her brain. Then the tears started. Then the whiny voice came out to play. When grandma and grandpa called to wish her a Happy Birthday she gloomily told them, 'It's not my birthday'.

This happened last year because her birthday fell on a Thursday and her party was on Saturday. She was miserable until she blew out her candles and exclaimed, "I'm four now!", even though she had been 4 for a few days. I guess I should have seen this coming. I am seriously going to consider lying to Kennen during his preschool years about his actual birthday. Apparently party and cake=one year older. Her actual birthday ended up being sort of a bust. She was rude to her friends and just really bratty all day long. What a diva.

Her actual party was so much fun! We went to Pump it Up...which is a big room filled with big inflatable bouncy rooms and a huge slide and an obstacle course that I beat Jeff in a race on...again! What can I say? I'm built for speed! 4 of her preschool friends were there along with 12 of her neighborhood friends. The kids had fun, the dads had fun and I really liked talking to all the moms in between carrying Kennen back and forth between the slide and the bouncy castle. My bicep was on fire by the end of the party. Oh well...carrying my boy is the only exercise I get. Apparently it works because I have super freak polish strength in my arms. Anyway, back to the party. Only one child puked but I held her and gave her water and goldfish and within 10 minutes she was running around again. Kimberly got a lot of pretty pink toys and hugged all her little friends. It was cute to see her at the table with all her playmates clustered around her. It was even cuter to see them making small talk with each other. My friends son Lewis was talking to one girl about the movie Phantom of the Opera. They seriously talked for a full 10 minutes because they had both seen it and both loved that movie! How funny and cute it that? Ahhh, young love.

Well, Kim's birthday was a success but I am officially old because I'm wearing a knee brace now. I can't pump it up like I used to. ;)

The Lost...

...finale was awesome tonight!!!

They were totally losing me this season. I had decided to stop watching...I am a girl that can be strung along for only so long. I need answers damnit! Validation! What the hell was I doing wasting one hour a week to be more and more confused!

Then, over the last few weeks, they started answering questions and the story started to weave itself back together. Tonight, I was literally on the edge of my seat (gripping tightly to my Dos Equis) up until the very end! Then Whamo! I have a million more questions! I cannot...repeat, cannot wait until the next season starts. I swear it better be in the fall. I will be heartbroken if you make me wait until January to see what happens next. Do you hear that ABC executives! Don't string this girl along! I'm not afraid to give you up forever...I can always watch HGTV...

Poop and minor electrical work...I deserve a medal!

Don't read this if you are eating. Consider yourself warned, :)!

I knew that becoming a mom would include changing diapers. Diapers are no problem...it's the shit that my kids fling around the rest of the house that bothers me. Kennen is a poopsmearing afficionado. Kimberly still hollers to wipe her after she goes. When will it end?

Did you know that Kleenex doesn't break down the way toilet paper does? I would say that kleenex has more a paper towel like ability to stay in one peice when you try to flush it. Kimberly pooped in both the upstairs bathrooms yesterday and used about a 5 inch stack of kleenex to wipe with in each one. Last night when I saw it I just closed the doors and pretended it wasn't there. This morning when I was well rested and after my 2 cups of coffee, I got ready for battle. I gave Kimmy-girl a trash bag and told her she had to clean it up since it wouldn't flush. She cried, cajoled, gagged, and begged me to help her. I stood my ground and told her that she needs to be like a big 5 year old girl and be responsible for her own mistakes. Plus I just really didn't want to fish out any more poop. I've done enough of that this week.

Kim got constipated again a few days ago and needed an enema because it would not come out! It was worses than last time. Now I'm making sure she gets lots of fiber. Plus Kennen is interested in potty training and pulled down his pants and pooped on the hard wood floor yesterday. If it was Kim I would have disowned her but since it's Kennens first poop outside of a diaper (that wasn't smeared all over his crib) I was really excited and made a big deal about putting it in the potty and flushing it. He was so proud...he talked about it all day. At least I think he did...I still can't really understand what he's saying most the time.

Anyway, back to the toilets. Kim scooped out most of it but talked me into 'holding the bag for her.' She's pretty smart because I ended up finishing the job and plunging the toilet. Fucking gag me with a spoon. I seriously almost puked in the sink. Kimberly laughed while I was gagging. I love her...she thinks gross things are funny. :) Reminds me of a certain husband of mine.

Anyway, I am also proud to announce that I replaced a lighting fixture in our house. I read the instruction and tinkered with it and voila! No more ugly builder basic half shell fixture that is too small to hide a light bulb behind the sconce. It looks purdy now. And I didn't electricute myself or burn the house down. Go me!

Grandparents

My grandpa called me today. :)

I haven't talked to them in awhile and I forgot to call my grandma on mothers day. Then I felt guilty for not calling, then I procrastinated even more because the longer I wait to call, the more likely I get a, "I was wondering if you didn't love me anymore or were mad at me." That grandma of mine...she sure lays it on thick. But I love her dearly. I talked to my grandpa about property values and the crazy housing bubble in AZ and CA. And how I don't think my house in TX will ever appreciate that quickly because of the ridiculous taxes. You know...we just talked 'shop'.

I talked to my grandma about how nice my husband is. Yes he is grandma, I am lucky. When Jeff bought me my first car my Grandma saw it and raised her eyebrows and asked, "Are you working Stacia(my pet name from them...not sure why)?" I told her no and she nodded her head knowingly and said, "Ahhh...Having a husband is nice isn't it?" At least she's proud of me for getting my M.R.S. in college.

She told me that when my dad died that he was blessed by a priest so that he would go straight to heaven and not have to wait in purgatory. Huh? She told me that made me lucky because 'Your daddy can pray for you better there.'

Then she told me that I should never have an abortion. The pope says it's better to use birth control than to have an abortion.

Blink. Blink.

"Ok Grandma...I wont." I can't imagine that I would ever choose to have an abortion but I'm just sayin'...isn't this a conversation she should have had, Oh about a decade ago when I was single? I luv me some gramma. She is so cute in all her polishness.

She also told me that she had christmas presents for the kids but she wont send them. I have to come and get them personally. Well, since she is holding my childrens Christmas presents hostage I guess I better start planning another trip to Phoenix. I miss them so much! I want to eat kielbasa and drink out of my blue sippy cup. She has kept it all these years and I still use it every time I go over there. And I want to see if the big wooden spider hanging above their tv is still as scary as it used to be. And I want to see the framed "Happiness is having a Polish Pope" picture. Even though the new pope is Italian. I have so many happy memories in that home.

Their phone call makes me feel the need to go back 'home'. I miss my family and my friends. I'm not looking forward to the scorching heat of AZ but I think it's time for a visit. And some fucking awesome mexican food. Ohhhhhh, and a cheese burger from In and Out. my.mouth.is.watering.now.damnit.

My heart melts...

Kennen just came up to me when I got out of the shower and put his arms around my leg and said "Love Mama" and kissed me. Kimberly is 'reading' a book outloud to her dolls. I'm so lucky.