It's time

Okay today is the day that I need to go and pick out a tree from Home Depot. Oh, and it case y'all didn't hear, you should boycott Lowes for Christmas trees this year. They ran and ad calling their christmas trees 'Family Trees'. Okay, I really could care less about the religious aspect of ignoring Christmas but a bunch of Christians are pissed and there is a bit of an uproad on the religious community. It's not a hanukkah bush. It's not a kwannza shrub. It is a Christmas tree and fuck you Lowes for denying me the pleasure of enjoying Christmas for what it is. Um, I'm sorry but is there another holiday in December where you put a TREE in your HOUSE and put lights and ornaments on it? If so, please enlighten me because I didn't get that memo.

Whew! There is my shitty mood again! You know what I have figured out? I'm not miserable in general...I'm just pms-ing again. Sheesh after 13 years of mensturating (yes, I was a late bloomer...15 years old before I got my first period!) you think I would be a little better at anticipating this. LOLz, who is that comedian that said, "You should never trust a creature that can bleed for 7 days and not die!" hahahaha. funny funny.

Anyway, it is a foggy misty morning so I'm going to take my favorite 2 year old out to breakfast and hopefully the sun will burn off the fog so I can actually see more than 5 feet in front of me. I cannot choose a tree if I can't see it. Oh, and I was going to get the $50 tree from home depot, but I'm having such a hard time getting into the christmas spirit that I might just get the $70 one. There is something magical about looking up at a tree and well, I'm a giant (think daryl hannah in attact of the 50 ft woman) so I think the extra tall tree is worth an extra $20.

OMG I almost forgot! Speaking of attact of the 50 foot woman! I had a road rage incident yesterday. I was making a left turn and there was a big white truck behind me. I made my left turn into the left lane. After I passed the intersection I put on my blinker to merge into the right lane (does that make sense?) and after I was halfway into the lane, I hear a huge engine roar and the big white truck that was behind me almost clipped the back end of my car and he sped past me in the right lane and I had to swerve back to not hit him. As he zoomed by I honked my horn and put my hands up and said, "what the fuck?" Then I got behind him and he was looking at me in his rearview mirror and I flipped him off. Then the asshole stopped in front of me! Like stopped on a busy fucking road! I honked my horn and flipped him off again and he just shook his head at me. Oh, and in the meantime, a Tahoe had to swerve to avoid ramming into the back of my car. Nice, you fucking hick from Alabama. Good for you being a bully on the road to a mother and her 2 year old. You should be really proud of yourself. After the raffic cleared behind me, I had to back up a little and when I went to drive around him he sped off. I *wish* that he would have followed me to the gas station because I would like to have seen the look on Mr. Alabama Hicks face after he got his ass kicked by a girl.

I'm so not in the Christmas spirit.

It doesn't feel like the Holidays at all. Maybe I'm just pouting because y'all know where I want to be...back in AZ. But I'm stuck in Texas. It's becoming my home. Maybe it is just sinking in that I'm going to be here permanently. The kids school has exemplary status. Jeff loves his job and his job has been $weet to him. I have great friends here. My son is developing a Texas drawl...Mow-uh (more), bah-yum (bam!), Pooh-bay-uh (Pooh Bear), Gawg (Dog). This is my home now. I watched some show on the Hells Angels the other night because they were based out of Arizona. All of the footage was of ghetto ass Apache Junction (I know there are nice area of of AJ now, but to me it will always be trailer parks and tumble weeds). I saw purple mountains in the background and lots of desert. *sniff*

I really try not to ever feel sorry for myself. I don't let myself wallow in regret. I keep my mind moving forward and focus on the positive. I don't feel like decorating for Christmas. I don't want to make Christmas cards. I really don't even care about the stupid tree. But I am staying true to my word and we are putting up our tree this weekend. Kimberly keeps asking me in painful anticipation, is it Friday yet??? Maybe if I go through all the motions eventually the Christmas cheer will infect me. So my to do list is: make Christmas cards. Wrap presents. Plan Kennens preschool party. Deck the Halls with fucking Boughs of Holly.

My son.

On Monday I went to Kennen's preschool to take pictures of all the kids in his class. I am in charge of planning the Christmas party and I'm going to have the kids decorate ornaments to take home with them. The babies in his class are so sweet! They were all so well behaved and happy. I also liked to see where Kennen is as far as development compared to his friends. All the little girls definitely had interpersonal relationship with each other. There were 4 of them and as soon as they all arrived, they went off in the corner talking to each other, hugging each other, and playing 'house'. The boys all were still doing 'parallel play'.

I took several pics of each child to make sure I got at least one good shot of each of them. There is one boy that speaks only Spanish and he would.not.smile. The teacher said, "That's as good as you are gonna get with him." *gasp* Are you challenging me lady? I then made it my personal goal to make him laugh and I at first tried to 'get him' with my fingers pinching toward him but he just looked uncomfortable. Then I pulled out the big guns and made a farting noise and said, "Was that you" and pointed to him and waved my hand in front of my nose. Then he laughed so hard and I got the best picture ever of him! Yeah...two years of raising my own and now I speak little boy. Or maybe it's 5 years of being married to Jeff. I wish I could post it because it's such a sweet shot...but he's not my kid and his mom might sue me so I better not.

Anyway, now I have to call the other moms that signed up to be my 'helpers' and figure out a way to have them 'help me'. Hopefully they are scrapbooking types because I'm having a hard time thinking of something clever for the picture ornament.

Oh, this whole Mom of a boy reminded of a few more things I can share. Last night Kennen announced that he was going to the bathroom to poop. A few minutes later he came walking out of the bathroom completely naked wiping his butt with his boxer briefs. Um, yeah those boxers went into the trash. Skid marks on the outside of the undies are just too gross. Then this morning he was in my bed when I woke up and apparently he went potty because he was naked again. He was fast asleep. With morning wood. Yowza! This is the reason that I hopped out of bed at 6:30 instead of 7:00am. Mommy and baby boners don't mix.

My Mom is doing well!

For those of you that don't mind the details, it all started back in April of this year. She went to her doctor for post-menopausal bleeding. She had an ultrasound done on her uterus and it showed signs of thickening so they tried to do a biopsy. They attempted it twice while she was in the office and once under general anesthesia but they were unable to get the camera through her hardened cervix. Then they did another ultrasound and her uterus was measuring even thicker than before. All of this was over the course of several months and 2 doctors before she was referred to doctor number 3. His 2 specialities are gynecology and oncology. Gulp.

My Mom has always had abnormal female organs. Her uterus is misshapen and she only had one ovary. Today her dr. removed her uterus, her ovary and also found her second ovary...below and behind her uterus. Weird huh? They actually saw the mass behind the uterus on ultrasound and thought it might be a tumor but yippee it's an ovary! They tested her uterus immediately and found it full of fibroids and a benign tumor. Halle-friggin-lueia! Nothing had spread to the surrounding organs...nothing was affecting the lymph nodes in her groin. So they took it out and now she is as clean as a whistle.

I just finished talking to her and she is tired and a little loopy from the morphine clicker but she is being well cared for and is surrounded by family. Thank you everyone for your well wishes and prayers yesterday. They worked!

Bah humbug.

And I'm so not a bah-humbug kind of person. The weather is crap. My Mom is getting surgery tomorrow and I'm worried about her. I should be there and I feel totally helpless. And trapped. Kim can't miss school but since the kids have to stay, what would we do with Kennen while Jeff is at work? I guess I could take the little man with me but that is 2 plane tickets and um...the property tax fairy stole all my money.

bah-fucking-humbug

I'm sure I will feel better once my Mom is out of surgery. Pray for her if you do that sort of thing.

Black Friday

Despite only getting 4 hours of sleep, I dragged myself up at 6:30am and was out the door by 7:00am to play bumper carts with the crazy shoppers at Target. I started out very polite...smiling...waiting patiently...saying, "Oh, I just need to squeeze by...excuse me...thank you...oopps sorry." That really wasn't getting me anywhere. The sharks were just chewing me up. So I became a shark too. You wont scoot over so I can cruise down to aisle 23c where the last child sized guitar is? Well then you're gonna get a bump. Put something huge in the bottom of your cart that is as wide as the toy aisle? I'm gonna act oblivious when it catches on my shopping cart and slides onto the ground. Am I rude? What can I say...That's what I do, that's who I be. (and I l.o.v.e. Black eyed peas!) That's how I roll on Black Friday.

I only went to Target this morning. Thank you Priority One hotel points for the Target gift card this year! Yes, we cashed in our hotel points (we had 4 nights built up) so that the kids wouldn't get a lump of coal in their stockings this year. *sob* My vacation is in limbo right now. Oh well it's worth it. I think. I really hope that the kids like what they get this year. Well, I know that Kennen will love his guitar and i bought Kimberly a scary looking doll that is pretty popular. They got some others things but shhhhhhh, I can't tell you what they are because it needs to be a surprise!

Hmmmm, that bad part about not having Thanksgiving at your actual house is the lack of leftovers. I think I need to go to the neighbors house and make myself a plate. :D

Once in a lifetime

Well, this isn't really a once in a lifetime opprotunity, but I am very excited nonetheless! I posted over at truemomconfessions.com this morning and today my post was chosen for the post of the day! It wasn't anything profound and it's not a secret, so I will share with y'all

ch-check it out!

"I am going to eat everything in sight for one glorious day! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! me too (20)"

:) Oh happy day!

I'm thankful for...

modern conveniences! Today I spent literally all day baking. I stood in the same spot measuring, mixing and pouring and now I'm spent. I made 7 pies today (because I really really like leftovers) and I started at around 11:00am and finished at maybe 7:00pm or so. I did wrangle a few kids here and there, and I did take Kimberly to gymnastics. Oh, but don't worry...Patty babysat my pie that was in the oven while I was gone.

After a few hours I started to feel chained to the kitchen. It was like I had always been there and I was always going to be there. The alpha and the omega of baking if you will. Doing such a long lasting menial chore got me thinking about my great grandmothers. For me, I like to cook. I think it's fun...a novelty. But for them it was more like the welfare of their family depended on not burning the catch of the day. Did you loathe their position in the household? Did they whistle while they worked? Interesting.

I saved baking the lemon meringue for last. I was about 10 minutes into whipping the egg whites for the meringue and a crazy storm blew in. It crossed my mind that the electricity might go out and how the hell would I finish my meringue without my electric mixer? I could use my hand beater but was that even possible? I'm sure it was because wasn't meringue invented before electricity? Who the hell decided to whip the stuffin' out of egg whites anyway? Would I have ever been so resourseful as to make a dessert out of egg whites if I lived hundreds of years ago?

I'm convinced it was a pregnant lady:

...Mmmmmm, eggs and sugar! Sounds yummy! Oh, only the the whites please. Hang on a sec...let me whip them for 3 days before I eat them... I've just solved the great meringue mystery. :) Aaaaaaanyway, I guess it's official. I've gone pie nucking futs! And now it's time for some pictures:

First up are the lemon meringues: Here are my first ever apple pies:
And an oldie but a goodie...Pumpkin! They look sad. They want to be covered in whipped cream!
Yes those are Christmas orbs in the centerpiece. And yes those are dreidels decorating the plates. I have to keep the Jew in the house happy.
Happy Jew! Tired Jew? My Jew!

Feeling the pressure...

Last night Jeff and I were talking about what we need to do to get ready for our Thanksgiving feast. I'm planning on making a few pies, the stuffing, and asparagus for my low carb loving husband. When I was at Sams Club last week, I bought a big box of seasoned bread crumbs as the base for my recipe. Jeff said, "Well, maybe you should make a pan of stovetop stuffing as a backup." I just gave him the "are you still talking?" look and then he told me I can't take constructive criticism. What the fuck was he thinking? Dude, this is thanksgiving and since I am only making one dish, I would like it to be homemade. Well, mostly homemade...I'm not drying out my own breadcrumbs. That's why I bought them from Sams Club. Stovetop? Seriously? This is not the time of year to 'just add water'. Then he finished off his idiotic statement with 'I'm not going to eat any of it anyway since I'm on my diet.'

Um yeah baby. I know you are on your diet that makes you GRUMPY.

Maybe he is craving that thing his mom makes. It's cut up chicken mixed with stovetop and then it's all baked together with gravy on top. It's yummy, it really is. But it's not thanksgiving dinner. Oh, funny story. When I was pregnant with Kimberly, I had a major chicken aversion. It just smelled and tasted gamey to me. Like, if you attempt to wash a down comforter or a feather pillow, and it reeks like ass afterwards because the feathers got wet...yeah that is what I thought of chicken during that pregnancy. Jeff Mom invited us over to dinner at their house and she made her chicken/stovetop thing because it was one of Jeffs favorite dinners. Since I'm not an asshole, I just picked around the chicken and tried not to gag. In my pregnant brain, it was at that moment that I decided that my new Mother in Law must hate me. Now I realize that my pregnancy cravings and aversions were probably just not a priority to anybody but me.

I'm actually lucky becaue my mother in law is a wonderful person. I've gotten used to her doting on me and the kids and I miss her when we haven't seen them for awhile. They are going to be here on christmas day, so I need to think of a good gift...any ideas?

I held out as long as I could...

...but today I finally broke down and started decorating for Christmas. I will post pictures when I am done!

While I was looking though my Christmas ornaments, I came to the conclusion that i don't have enough. The only things I've bought this year are about 20 gold glittery 3 inch snowflakes, and 24 1 inch little gold Texas Stars. These will fill in a lot of space on my Christmas tree, but for some reason I want more. Twelve more actually. Look at what Pottery Barn came up with this year!

they are 6.5 inches tall and so cute, yes? And you can't just buy one...or six...twelve damnit! Twelve reindeer! But at $8 a pop, that is about $100 for silver twig reindeer. Not too smart. Hmmm, I wonder what I could ebay to raise the money...

Amber Alerts on Myspace

I logged into myspace this afternoon and there was a message on my homepage that said, "Warning! There is an Amber Alert in your area". I checked it out and it was about a missing 4 year old boy. I Googled more info and i found this article:

______________________________________________________________

Boy found after HPD issues Amber Alert

12:58 PM CST on Sunday, November 18, 2007
KHOU.com staff report

A 4-year-old boy was found safe after HPD issued an Amber Alert for him Sunday afternoon.
Pierce Ram was reportedly taken by two unknown suspects while he was sitting in a tan Chevy Tahoe around 11:05 a.m. Sunday morning.
Apparently, Pierce was waiting in the car in front of a Pizza Patron on Gessner while his father, the manager there, went in to talk to some employees.
While his dad was inside, the two suspects jumped in the car and took off.
Pierce was found less than two hours later.
_____________________________________________________________

Thankfully this was just a carjacking and apparently the people who stole little Pierce didn't want anything more than the car. I'm glad that he is safe and sound and that his father learned a hard lesson today but still had a happy ending. I wonder how Pierces Mom reacted? Do you think that she immediately kicked her husband in the nuts? Or was she too wracked with grief, and saved the nut stomping for after her baby boy was back in her arms?

Maybe I'm just a freak with an over active imagination, but I am constantly doing a head count of my kids and their little friends. The good thing about our neighborhood is that our kids have friends. The bad thing is that sometimes they slip out the door without telling an adult they are leaving. Then I walk over to Patty's house and ask, "Is Kimberly here?" Then she likes to mess with me and say, "No...is she supposed to be here." Then I have a panic attack, take an Ativan and cry. Then Patty will point and laugh. She likes to scare me, that Patty.

Even today I took Kimberly to a birthday party at a place called Pump it Up...the inflatable party zone. I was talking to some of the other Moms and I realized that I hadn't seen Kimmy in awhile. I did a quick walk around to try and find her and I didn't see her anywhere. The rational me knows that this is a safe place and the employees there wouldn't let a little kid just wander out. But, what if some scary pedophile was waiting in a broom closet...watching me and waiting for me to look away. She of course was fine and I found her in one of the many bouncy things but see what I told you about my over active imagination?

I even struggle with sending Kim on the bus. One day there was a substitute male bus driver instead of 'Miss Darlene' and I did put her on the bus, but I immediately called the bus company and confirmed that Miss Darlene was sick today and wasn't bound with rope and ball gagged in the back of the bus. They said that Mr. Temporary Bus Driver was her boss actually and he was a very nice guy and yes, he passed his background check with flying colors and that Miss Darlenes kids were sick and that's why she didn't work today. Whew!

Then last night Jeff was outside throwing around a football with some neighborhood Dads and the kids were out there running around. Jeff was watching the kids in between cathing and throwing the pigskin but it stressed me out. I had to bring my little boy inside with me. He cried...he wanted to be a big boy and play with his friends, but once again I played the overprotective Mom and denied him that pleasure.

Anyway, I'm a freak. And it's stories like this that drive my insanity.

The short bus

Last week I had an appointment with the organization that we use for his speech therapy. He is in the family services right now and will be until he is 3 years old. Once he is 3, he will qualify for education services at our elementary school. The woman at the center was telling me the process of signing him up and how the educational services will differ from the family based services. Then I saw as she pointed to the page. Special Education Services. You think my son needs fucking special ed?

In this last year Kennen has been in speech therapy, he has come a long way. The only sound he would make in the beginning is "UH". Seriously. When he said 'Mama' at around 20 months, it was a very happy moment in my life. Slowly, he has made progress and has lots of words now and he speaks in sentences. I'm learning also that I'm just having to remind him that he is saying things incorrectly and give him a chance to try it again. For example if he says "Ow" for 'cow' I will ask him, "Wait, is is "How" or "Cow". He will then usually correct the word with the proper consonant. But if he gets mad, I tell him not to cry and to say 'No more COW mommy'. And then he will say it. I am ninja mommy. Actually, that tip is from our speech therapist. She rocks. Kennen loves her and when she knocked on the door the other day he happily said, "More Holly!" and clapped his hands.

It is still obvious that Kennen needs speech therapy and in most other ways, he is right on track with other kids his age. Still though, we've noticed that Kennen has some delays in motor skills, and motor planning skills. We had an occupational therapist come in to take a look at him. She was so much fun, and she did a thorough shakedown of Kennen...like literally. She was pushing him while he was balancing on a ball to see if he would catch himself when he fell (he didn't). She flipped him all over and again he was just a blob. She also noticed that his balance not strong and that he compensates by propping himself with his hands when he sits. He doesn't need a lot of Occupational Therapy because he can function by himself, feeding himself, going potty and washing his hands, brushing teeth, playing, climbing etc. but that he does have low tone. And there are muscles that connect to the nerves that carry signals from his ears to his brain and if they have low tone, he very well could trouble process what he hears into what he wants to say.

Whew! That was long and boring! I want it here written down so that I can wrap my mind around all that Kennen needs to be the best boy that he can be. And to not be behind in Kindergarten. Oh, and when he goes to the elementary school to get his 'special education' when he is 3, they will pick him up in a teeny tiny bus. A short bus if you will.

Okay, pizza man just brought me some food so I'll make this snappy...

I've decided to become much more proactive in Kennens development so I bought a Yoga Kids DVD (or DDD as Kenny says) and we try to do it once a day. And here is a picture of the cat stretch...aren't we cute?

And of course here is Kimmy-girl and her mangy dog pillow:

Holiday Scheduling

I hate pulling myself in a million different directions over the holiday season. Being the child of divorced parents provides me with many memories of driving from house to house on Christmas and Thanksgiving. My brother and I would have a late lunch with my Dads family and then would speed off to have some pie with my Moms family. I hated it. Well, I thought I loved it and maybe I did at the time but I am so over it. All I really want to do is sit in my own house with my own decorations and open presents with my kids and my husband (who also happens to be my best friend). But there is so much pressure. His parents want a piece. My Mom wants a piece. My grandparents want a piece. And I just want to be in Arizona.

Jeff parents called and asked if they could come for 'a few days in December,' but that they will leave on Christmas Eve. Man o man, I need to take notes from my Mother in Law for when my kids are grown. I am selfish and would rather just have a quiet Christmas morning, but how can we send them packing on the day before Christmas? And they are so darn organized that they plan for trips in advance, not like me who still thinks I might just hop in my car and go 'home' one of these days. So basically they called 'dibs' on Christmas. How can I resist though? They are wonderful to us, to the kids, and they even like my stinky dog. I am putting my foot down on one thing though! No low fat cooking! No chicken broth in the mashed potatoes! No low sodium anything. I'm going to butter up my turkey as it cooks (oh yes, I'm cooking a turkey on Christmas for the first time) . Giblets in the gravy. Pie pie and more pie. Oh and they are going to give presents only on Christmas morning. No belated Hanukkah presents. We are going to have one big wrapping paper bonanza on Christmas morning. If my kids open presents for 5 days straight they will become major brats and I would like all of the overindulgence to last for one morning only. Who am I kidding though? Jeff will say I am shitting all over his religion (kind of like he did last year when I blew out the menorah...oops!), his parents will be halfway down the stairs with armloads of gifts, and the kids will be foaming at the mouth. I think everyone will be happier if I just surrender to this Hanukkah/Christmas mix. I'm not budging on heavy cream in my mashed potatoes though. Anyway, Christmas is set in stone. I'm excited actually. Since they will be here I can make a feast...for the first time. Does this mean I'm an adult? If being married for 5 years and having 2 kids doesn't make me an adult, preparing Christmas dinner will definitely be the gateway to adulthood.

Thanksgiving will be at Pattys house. I'm very excited for this! We are all chipping in different dishes so does that make it potluck Thanksgiving? It makes me happy because to me, the friends I have made on SBHL sort of mirrors real pilgrims. Different families relying on each other...moving to the same new place to have a better life...coming together to feast in thankfulness. I think it's very cool. All of us do rely on each other whether it's a cup of sugar or just someone to lend an ear. I'm thankful.

So there is just one thing that feels missing from all of my holiday plans. My Mom. My family. My home state. I'm so homesick I could sream. So I think I am actually going to just come out for a weekend. My Mom is having surgery so I will be able to go and help her for at least a day or two. I will bring her starbucks and maybe we can bake christmas cookies. One of my oldest friends Tanya is graduating in December and she is having a party to celebrate it. This is perfect because I can see almost all my friends at one sitting. Gosh it just feels weird to plan a trip by myself without the kids. It's not set in stone yet, but we shall see...

Sunday Brunch

This morning the only thing on our agenda was brunch at L's house. We got there at 10am...and we just never left. Me and the girls sat at the table and drank mimosas, went through 3 bottles of champagne! Occasionally we corrected our crazy kids but mostly we talked and laughed. Oh, and did I mention the fact that L's husband is a chef? Like a real deal super duper fancy pants chef at a hotel? We had coffee, omelettes made to order and bacon and potatoes w/ corned beef and OMG I didn't realize how much I miss going out to breakfast. Going out to eat and my sanity are just a few things that I've given up since having kids. :) Okay, that's a lie. I can go out to eat if they have a playland...and they don't have one at IHOP. Anyway, we stayed long enough for G to cook chicken fried rice for dinner and then we reluctantly carried the exhausted kids home at 6:00pm. Then I took a bath...then I watched Desperate Housewives.

It was the most perfect lazy Sunday.

So I was thinking...

If I were to consider trying to concieve a 3rd baby, I would ovulate around Jeff's birthday. Hmmm, and if we did happen to concieve a 3rd baby, it would be born middle to end of August...right when the kids went back to school. Sounds like a plan to me! I brought it up to Jeff and he said maybe. I'm giddy! Or, I was giddy anway. Jeff took Kennen fishing again this morning and he was a bad boy, stole his little friends chair and kept throwing huge fits. Then he peed his pants and layed down and screamed like he's never screamed before. Then he was a bucking bronco baby and wouldn't let Jeff buckle him into the carseat. If I were there I know I could have diffused the situation because I am ninja Mommy and I have become an expert at keeping Kennen from losing his cool. Long story short is that Jeff brought him home, put him to bed and called me to say "I came *this* close to beating your son today. Oh, and the new answer to if I want another baby is NO!"

sigh.

It's cool, I don't think I have to nerve to do it all over again anyway.

Growing up way too fast!

This morning on the way out the door to catch the bus, Kimberly stopped walking, looked at me and asked, "Can I go out by myself? I don't want you to come." Um, how about no. I want to make sure you cross the big bad street without getting run over by the assholes that speed around my neighborhood. It was a little stab in the heart. She's getting big and she doesn't want me there. Where did my baby go? I just have to keep up with my mantra...I'm her Mom. Not her friend. It just feels really early for all of this crap. So, on mornings like this I go to my friends blog where she posted a short clip of her baby and all his baby sweetness. Then I ache for a baby for a little while then remember that I have to be pregnant for 9 months to produce a child and that's a road I would be happy to never go down again.

Today I also have an appointment to see about Kennen going to speech therapy at the elementary school (for free) when he turns three. THREE! Regardless of his age, he still thinks that I hang the moon. Last night he crept downstairs and layed down on me and said, 'love you mama.' Are boys easier than girls? Are second children less complex than their firstborn siblings? Don't get me wrong, Kimberly flourished in other ways. Like speaking early. And making friends easily. And now reading and writing. They are unbelievably different, and they both make me a better person. I guess I couldn't ask for more.

kiddos are confused...

...about what time it is! Dont get me wrong, I actually like daylight savings time. I would much rather see the Sun in the morning than in the evening. I need it actually to get out of bed. But my kids little internal clocks are all messed up now. Kimberly was trying to wake me up at 4:30 to ask permission to watch tv. Isn't it funny when you child asks permission to do something that you feel you don't have any control over? Like, if she were to just turn the tv on I would have never been the wiser. I'm glad that at least for the time being she still sees me as important and in charge. I wonder how long that will last?

Anyway, both kids were in my bed playing around, kicking me, fighting over who gets to lay closer to Mommy, Kennen playing his perpetual game of "Tee-koo" (peek-a-boo). I felt like I was stuck in one of those cardboard boxes full of puppies in front of the grocery store. They were climbing all over me for like 2 hours. Finally at 6:30 I gave up and told them they could watch cartoons. Then Kimberly asked me for a cookie. >:-(

Have you ever heard that phrase that goes, "Being a parent feels like being pecked to death by a chicken." Here is an example of how true this is: Last night the only thing in the world that Kimberly wanted was a chocolate chip cookie. She was not behaving and crying over her homework and basically being a turd so I told her the last thing I was going to give her was sugar. She maybe asked me 142 times but finally stopped after I used Jedi mind tricks and confused her and she forgot about it. Really Daddy told her no and she listened to him.

We ate dinner, watched tv and then Jeff started getting ready to leave for his business trip. As soon as he was on his way out the door she pounced on me and said, "Can I have a cookie? Can I have a cookie now? Puh-leeze! (tears started falling, she threw her head back so she could take a really deep breath so she could cry really loud). This is when I lost my shit and yelled, "OMG! quit with the friggin cookie! I told you NO!" She was like one of those predators that knew that I was separated from the pack and she could devour me. Because even big creatures are weak without the pack. Jeff talked to her and told her to behave, but as he was walked to his truck I followed him out the door and joked that he couldn't leave me with them. They have gang mentality, those two.

So when she asked me for a cookie this morning, I said 'yes' and rolled over and slept for 30 more minutes. She won. She's a smart one, that Kimmy-girl.

Why?

Why can't my house stay clean during a 3 day hiatus from sick Mommy? I'm still so tired.

We had the guy from the alarm company come to my house today and I didn't attempt to pick anything up. He politely stepped over toys and said nothing about it. I told him I was recovering from the stomach flu and offered him hand sanitizer on his way out the door. Is that rude?

Wow, this stomach flu really kicked my ass. But at least it's not coming out my ass. I was emailing my friend and she said that she heard I was sick and that it must be going through the neighborhood because her family is finally starting to get over it. I was thinking maybe it was the cough that she had a week ago so when I asked for specifics she sent me an email that was short and sweet,


From Mrs. Brasilia*

"Oh puke…the shits…the whole nine yards!"


*name has been changed to protect identity :)

I'm hungry.

But I'm scared to eat. :( I am at the tail end of a 24 hour stomach flu. Lawsie mercy. Nothing is worse than constant nausea and puking until there is nothing left to puke. Oh, and did you know? Stomach bile really is green. Okay, I can't talk about it anymore. I'm still queasy.
Thankfully I was sick on a weekend day where Jeff was able to take over the kids. I spent the day sleeping, puking, and watching the HBO special 'Tell Me You Love Me'. Have you seen it before? It's soft porn meets marriage counseling. Very entertaining if I say so myself. :)

On to more important news...Kennen reeled in his first Bass today! It started when we woke up at 7:00am (instead of the normal weekend 8:00am, thank you daylight savings) and Jeff decided to go fishing. He started getting ready and Kennen went and got his shoes out of the closet and went up to Jeff and said, "Nennen go fishing too?" Overandoverandover again. Except that every time he made the request the 'too' got more and more high pitched and manic. He was following his Daddy from room to room carrying his shoes and pleading to go. Usually Jeff just says no and sends Kennen crying to Mommy. He really is just a little guy and we don't want him to drown or anything. But today something changed. Jeff looked at his boy and he just couldn't say no. Maybe he eyed him for a minute and thought that he looked a little bigger and a little older today. I think everyone in the house was shocked when Jeff said, "Okay Bud, you gotta get dressed first." Kenny was the happiest little boy! I was putting gel in his hair and he looked at me and smiled and said, "Nennen go fishing too? Dadda?" Then I asked him how he caught a fish and he pretended to hold a fishing pole in one hand and reeled in with the other. Too cute!

Jeff cast the lure out and set the hook but Kennen reeled in 3 different fish all by himself. Jeff was happy because he even got some 'action' because one of the fish jumped out of the water a few times!

Apparently the legacy of addictive fishing has just been passed on to the new generation of men in this family.

Happy Halloween!

I just want to thank my great neighbors for making this such a fun Halloween! I'm glad that I live in a place where my kids are friends with your kids and I am friends with all of you! Thank you!

Yesterday as I was finishing up Jeff and Kennen's costume, I decided to use the leftover material and try to make myself a cave mommy costume instead of wearing the pumpkin costume I planned on wearing. I'm glad I did because it turned out pretty cute. Ch-check it out:

Little Cave boy:
Here is the cave family! You can call us the Ogs. I made everyones costume except for Kimberlys. For those of you that understand the psyche of little girls, trying to convince them to wear something not pink can be a challenge. I decided to play it safe and buy her costume because I can just imagine the battles of forcing her to wear something brown. Not gonna happen. And I made Jeff's out of all fur because I wanted it to match the fur on his body. :)
And here is Patty and her little fireman! As soon as Jeff walked into the party, he pointed at Patty and said, "I knew it! She's a witch!" He always says that she's the wife he never wanted because she bitches at him if he steps out of line. I heart you Patty! Kennen loves you too! Or at least he is infatuated with you hair...

It was a fun Halloween. I had a momentary mean Mommy moment because some preteen boys went up to a house that had their porch light off. They started screaming at the top of their lungs "TRICK OR TREAT! TRICK OR TREAT!" and just being a bunch of mini-assholes at this house. The people there had a new baby about a week ago, which is probably why they dont feel like participating in 50 kids knocking at their door, so I shook my bone at them and yelled for them to get their heads out of their ass. I didn't use that language, but you catch my drift. The scary thing is that these punks will be driving in 3 or 4 years. There goes the neighborhood! :)

One more thing...this morning I woke up to the Wiggles at a very high volume. I poked Jeff and asked him what was going on. He said Kennen woke up so he turned on cartoons for him. I went out to check on Kennen and he was laying of the sofa at 6:00 watching wiggles and eating halloween candy. Little turkey! I picked up my naked (where are your jammies buddy?) sticky fingered boy and brought him into bed with me. He's so damn cute. Okay...that's all I've got! Happy November everybody...oh and Happy payday to meeeeeeeeee!

I lik to et!

Look at what Kimmy-girl came up with while she was home sick with pinkeye! Or pinkeyes as you can see. This is her school journal where she is supposed to draw a picture and then write a sentance about it. We had baked cookies just before she sat down to do her work, so this is what she came up with.

Notice the little girl wearing oven mitts! Notice the pan of cookies on the left! Notice the whirring fan! Notice Hannah Shazama Hotlanta Banana Montana. Notice my red sofa! And most importantly, look at that sentance! I can't believe that she is actually sounding out words and learning how to write! She seems so little still, no?