okay...maybe he is ready

I bought the potty chair today and when we got home and tried it out, he was waaaaaay to big for the chair. He would be able to poop in there but his, um...bubblegum, was resting outside of the basin and wouldn't hang so if he peed, urine would probably hit me, and go nowhere near the toilet. He is a huge child and his butt and thighs take up the entire little circle that the manufacturer provided for him to pee in. I need to get a bigger chair because this just wont work.

Aren't you lucky...my mommy blog is turning into a potty blog!

It does a body good!

So I have gone walking twice this week. On wednesday I walked the mall before the stores opened and I did 2 miles without a problem. I was loving the air conditioning, my iPod, and the window shopping. The only problem was that I ended up shopping for real after the stores opened. Oh, and then Rhona met me there and we ate burger king for lunch. And yes I had the King sized whopper meal. With a diet coke. Apparently I have no control when it comes to food anymore.

Then yesterday I had Kennen's meet the teacher at preschool in the morning, so I missed work out time at the mall. No big deal, I just popped him in the stroller and started walking. I left at noon. In Texas. In August. not a good idea. I went about 3 miles this time but I was so wiped out from the sun, humidity and heat, that I just layed on the sofa and watched tv until Kim got off the bus. I have always hated to exercise. And this was the reason why. I don't like sweat. I don't like fatigue. BUT, today I feel fantastic! I am all bright eyed and bushy tailed. I'm taking a day off from walking today because it hurts to walk now but tomorrow, I'm back on my routine.

Kennen's meet the teacher went great! He is so sweet and excited. He kept saying, "Nenen ool!" (Kennen's School). His teacher asked me if he was potty trained, I said no. She asked how long I had been potty training him, and I said I wasn't. She asked me how old he was, I told her 29 months. She raised a judgmental eyebrow at me. I know what she's thinking. He is *old enough* to start the process, but I truely don't think he's ready. He has hit every milestone late. Except for the physical ones, like doing somersaults at 1 year old. My plan was to not even try until he is 3 years old, and here is my theory why. I think that children are just wired to use the bathroom and be able to pull down pants, get on the potty, wipe, flush, pull their own pants up and wash their hands when they are 3. Everything else before that is just mosty work for the parents. I think a 3 year old *knows* when they need to go, and doesn't need to be reminded the way a 2 year old needs to be reminded. Kennen already struggles with speech, with interpersonal relationships, with emotional coping skills. I don't want to give him another thing to struggle with that will cause him to doubt himself even more. Oh, and I wont use pull ups because I think they prolong the process also, so I want to be absolutely sure he is ready. Maybe I sound like an idiot and I am looking into this way to much, but I have done this before. Kim was completely potty trained at 2 1/2. Then she had a brother and it all went to shit. She wasn't potty trained officially until she was *gasp* 3. My good friend Rhona has a little girl that was terrified of the potty and screamed and trembled whenever she was made to sit on it. Rhona didn't make an issue out of it and one day her little girl said that she wanted big girl panties and wanted to go on the potty. She went for the first time and never had an accident. She was 3.

However, I'm going to give it a run today. I just want to be sure that my instincts are correct before I put up too much resistance. I'm off to super target (my home away from home) to buy a potty, boxer briefs, stamps and ink for a reward. We shall see how it goes!

Question

So I have a question. Will having my kids in school make me want to have another baby or will it make me want to get a job. Decisions, decisions.

So far, I'm thinking neither. Am I allowed to say that? After all the feminists went through over the last 100+ years, isn't it a huge slap in the face to all my fore-mothers to just stay home and have babies. And be happy with that? And when your kids are in school, am I allowed to be satisfied with taking a step down from being a stay at home mom, to being a housewife. I'm toying with the idea. Jeff keeps making more and more money, the kids keep getting more and more independant.

Yuck! I'm already sick to my stomach with that prospect, so thanks for letting me have a socratic dialogue with y'all out there in cyberspace. I know there is no way I could do that. Taking care of my babies has a purpose, but being an unpaid housekeeper? Um, no thanks.

Caring for my children has been the most personally fulfilling thing I have ever done. I think it's probably just biology. All I have to say about that is thank you natural instincts, because I know I didn't want a baby when I was in college and pregnant with Kimberly. I didn't want to be pregnant (although I was), I didn't want to stop smoking and drinking(although I did), I didn't want to stop going to clubs and dancing on the bar (yep! stopped doing that too!). I didn't want to move 3 hours away because I quit my job (in a bar, as a cocktail waitress). I *did* want to get married. Jeff and I talked about it before I got pg, but we were usually drunk, but fortunately he really meant it too. Deep inside I knew what I had to do because I didn't matter anymore. I've learned to be selfless and surrender to being a mother. And it's the best thing I've done. It's my favorite thing to do. It could have happened a little later in life. Babies having babies. Okay, I was 23 so I technically was an adult but. Omg, I have to stop right here.

I actually had her a month before my 23rd birthday.

I had a baby at 22. hang on, i'm having a moment here.

Twenty fucking two? I only had a year where I could legally get into a bar? Wow. Maybe that's why Mama like's to drink with the neighbors on the weekends so much!

Kennen starts preschool next week, so we shall see how I do with the spare time. I could get a job in the mall at Banana Republic. :) Then I could spend my whole paycheck there. :)) And I could walk to the food court and eat at Cinnabun everyday :)))

Or, I could put freshly cut flowers from my garden into the 79cent vases I bought at IKEA the other day.

School days

Yesterday Kimberly got on the bus, went to school, got back on the bus at the end of the day and and got off at the right stop. It all went down without a hitch. I only teared up a little. ;)

I can't believe how much I got done now that she's in school! I just did some light housekeeping, went to IKEA, came home to a clean(!) house and then cleaned some more. It's amazing how much less work only taking care of one child is. I'm so glad that she's going every day! Oh, and she was so tired when she got home. Excited and fulfilled, but very tired. Here is a photo recap of our day:

Here Comes the bus!
She gave me one last happy girl smile before she boarded the bus.

I ran up to the school after the bus drove away and stalked her like a crazy lady. I guess she saw the flash of my camera and looked back and saw me. She wasn't happy to see me either. She turned to her friend, rolled her eyes and said, "Why is my Mom here?" I was trying to be incognito to keep from upsetting her with my presence. I didn't want her to want me and cry and throw a fit and refuse to go to class unless she sat on my lap all day. Okay, maybe I did want that. But hard as nails Kimmy-girl quickly put me in my place. Here she is from behind...in the pink backpack.
Here she is at her table:

Here is a token picture of my buddy boy:

Then I spent the rest of the day at IKEA. I ate...I shopped...I ate some more. Those Swedish folks at ikea really know how to cook. I could eat meatballs all day. And potatoes. And lingonberry sauce. And coffee. And cinnamon rolls. I'm regretting not getting the apple cake. If it wasn't so far from my house, I would go again today. But traffic getting there yesterday was hell and I'm not doing it again. Thanks for driving Rhona!

I met Kim at the bus stop in the afternoon and greeted her with a juice box. I tried to pump her for information but I didn't get much. She said the bathrooms have tile on the floor *and* the wall so they have to whisper when they go potty because it gets really loud in there. Oh, and the school lunch was delicious. So was the snack I packed for her, but tomorrow could she have sour cream and onion pringles? These are the important things in a 5 year olds life.

Why?

Why is it when you want to lose 10 lbs and decide to 'diet' all you can think about it food? the kitchen is whispering my name. I've gained 10 lbs this summer and it has got to go before Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I'm afraid that if I pack on holiday weight on top of what I already have packed on, that it will never go away. Plus I just feel uncomfortable. Clothes too tight. Bah. Grrrr. sigh...

The up side to my weight gain is that I know the only reason I gained it is because I'm happy. Whenever I am sad, stressed, or anxious I lose weight without thinking about it. I'm in a really good place now and I've learned to enjoy what I have, and not to worry about something terrible happening that will cause my house of cards to fall. If I think about it, bad things have happened every few years for my entire life. Big bad things that cause me to think happiness is an illusion. But I've kept my chin up (which I attribute solely to my Mom with the positive outlook on life) and now here I am. Fat and happy. :)

Do you think that pico de gallo and tortilla chips is a good diet? Maybe throw in avacado and shrimp for protein? Everyone together now: MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm!

Me and my peeps

LMAO!

Ok, I know I just posted, but I opened my email and my mother in law sent me a link to this. Do you think she is trying to send a message? Don't get me wrong...I love her to pieces. She's fun and funny and so generous in helping with the kiddos and she really does mean no harm. Sometimes...just wow.