Happy Halloween!

I hope y'all have a spooktacukar time!

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Perspective

Kimberly has been having some issues lately. She's just not listening when Jeff and I give her instructions to do something. Like I tell her to brush her teeth, only to realize that she got sidetracked on the way to the bathroom and has spent the last 20 minutes making a fort in my bedroom with my comforter. Or when we are doing homework, she has these timed math worksheets where she has 2 minutes to complete a page of addition problems. I set the timer for her and go out of the room to change the baby. When I come back, she is staring out the window with a lollipop in her mouth and only 5 problems done on her page and the timer is buzzing. She forgets to bring her homework home. Then last night the child FORGOT TO EAT HER DINNER! Jeff ordered pizza so when we got home from soccer practice, it was just a free for all. We didn't sit at the table together. I personally sat in the recliner to nurse the baby and eat at the same time and the kids ran off into the dining room. I assumed that they um...ate while they were in said dining room. Instead Kimberly colored 2 pictures for Jeff to take to his office, and then 2 pics for me. She said they were presents. How cute! And thoughtful! What a dear sweet child.

After awhile we tucked in the kids. Ahhhh, silencio! Then Kim comes out crying and saying, "I didn't eat dinner yet!". Sure enough on the dining room table was her plate with 2 slices of uneaten pizza. To this I ask, 'what the fuck?'. How do you forget to eat? At dinner time? When the food is right in front of you? At the dining room table? I kind of flipped out. Just the culmination of all these flakey things she has been doing lately just pushed me over the edge. I sent her to bed without any dinner. I was just so done.

Then I started watching The Biggest Loser and one of the women on there was being drilled by Jillian (love that badass chick!). The woman was crying and talking about 'losing everything'. Jillian stopped her workout and asked her how she lost everything. The contestant then told the story about how she had a husband, a beautiful red headed 5 year old daughter and a little blonde haired blue eyed 9 month old baby boy. One day they dropped her off somewhere, she kissed them goodbye and then 5 miles down the road they were all killed in a car accident. My heart literally ached when I listened to this story and then it broke into a million pieces when I could hear Kimberly quietly crying in her room because her mean mother sent her to bed without dinner.

In the grand scheme of things, who gives a flying flip if my 7 year old is irresponsible. I know the only reason it drives me batty is because she is just like me. And I want her to be better than me and to not struggle because she inherited my awesome disorganization skills. I called Kim downstairs, warmed up her pizza and held her in my lap while she happily chewed with her mouth open. That's another thing that drives me nuts...the fact that she is completely unaware at how loud she is when she eats. Just like her father. But I just thanked God above and my lucky stars that in my arms I held this wonderfully annoying child. How lucky am I?

So not a techy girl...

...but I lurve my iPhone! It's amazing, holy cow it gives me butterflies because the things it can do seem endless. The most exciting thing so far is that there is an app for Pandora. Since the death of my computer, I don't have my mp3's anymore to put on my phone. With the app from pandora.com though, I can still have music while I run. How awesome is that? Not that I have much motivation to run, but you know what I mean. I can also plug my iPhone into this little plug in my Tahoe and listen to music from Pandora too. Seriously?????

The only problem now is that I can barely wrestle it away from the kids. Oh well. I don't even miss my laptop anymore.

Ice cream is too cold...soup's too hot

On Monday I did something I swore I would never do. I was late picking up Kennen from preschool. Not just late as in 'One of the last Mom's to show up', but late as in, 'THE last Mom to show up and pick up my scared and crying child from the office of the preschool director'.

Punctuality is not my strong suit. I don't mean to be rude, or insonsiderate or anything. I just have a very loose idea of how long it takes to get ready, pack up my purse, run around making sure lights are off and flatirons are unplugged and putting the dog outside. And since I live in a little suburban bubble, I think that everything takes 3 minutes to drive to. In reality it probably takes 15 minutes to get to Kennen's school with all those pesky red lights and school zones. Then throw a new baby into the mix that needs to be nursed NOW and well...my schedule got all fucked up and the preschool director was probably on the verge of contacting CPS for child abandonment.

I tried to make up for my lateness by zipping in and out of traffic but Murphy's Law dictated that I hit every.single.red.light. I got to the preschool and my heart sank. Usually there is a long carpool line of Mom's in their SUV's waiting to have their little darlings loaded into carseats by helpful teachers. When I pulled in though, there was not a single car in the parking lot, not a single teacher waiting outside. Damnit! I zoomed up to the double doors of the school and got out to go find my son. The preschool director saw me on the security camera and brought my crying middle child to me. I gushed an apology to her and picked up my 55 lb son. The last time I picked him up was in the early days of my pregnancy with Griffin but I just had to make him feel secure. Mommy fucked up and I wanted to make it right. He was a red faced snotty nosed mess but I somehow got him to laugh on the drive home. The rest of the night, I would joke around with him and say, "Who loves Kennen?" and he would point to me. Then I would say, "Who pickes up Kennen late from school?" then he would point to me again and laugh hysterically.

I think he forgave me. Well, I will tell you this. I will NEVER pick him up late again. How awful to be the last one picked up. Yesterday, I made up for it though. I had been out running errands with baby G all day long and instead of going home to feed him and risk being late again, I went to the preschool 45 minutes early and just nursed the baby in the parking lot. I was the very first car in the carpool line. Wow, I was on the ball today! Right when school was dismissed, I watched as a teacher brought Kennen out to my vehicle. And he was CRYING! We got him buckled in and I tried to calm him down and find out what horrible thing happened at school that made him so upset.

It took him a second but he finally sobbed, "I didn't want to be the first kid picked up!"

Seriously? Seriously. There's just no pleasing some people.

Been AWOL

My internet usage has been very limited these days. Well, to be more specific, my computer use has been very limited because my computer is broken. Damaged by liquid. My sugar schnookums passed out drunk with my laptop on his lap and well lets just say that the ELK chili and beer wasn't settling too well and before Jeff could gather his wits and run to the bathroom, he barfed all over my keyboard. Harry Potter is fried. Thank God that my harddrive was salvagable because all of my precious pictures are safely saved on an external harddrive.

After 7 years of marriage, all I can do is shake my head and think, WTF? I must be broken down because I wasn't even mad. Why get mad? Nope, no reason to freak out. I'm taking lemons and making lemonade. I'm getting a new laptop complete with Windows 7...woot woot! And I'm also using his guilt to buy a shiny new iPhone. Hee hee, I placed my order today and I cannot wait until I can Facebook from anywhere! Tee hee. I can write out blogs while I am waiting in the carpool line. And don't get me started on the apps!

Oh! Here is more lemonade that I brewed! I am not eligible for an equipment upgrade, so it was going to cost me $300, instead of $99. boo! But my neighbor Tara gave the the brilliant idea to just get a family plan and add an extra line...which makes me eligible for the $99 deal. My monthly bill is going to be the same, I have just as many minutes plus the data plan, and now I can be the coolest Mom ever and give Kimmy-girl my cell phone. Hmmm, she's only 7 though. Is 7 too young for a cell phone? Can I been the el-cheapo queen and wrap up my old phone and put it under the Christmas tree? It will cost me nothing, but Kimberly will feel like a lucky little girl on Christmas morning. I'll have to think about that one though.

kisses!

Important announcement!

GRIFFIN SMILED! Oh yes, it only took him 9 flippin weeks but my boy has joy in his heart and he's not afraid to show it!

Isn't that great news? yes yes it is. I will catch it on camera soon I hope! the bad news is that he was a little late...does this mean I am going to have another developmentally delayed child to fuss over? *sigh* I hope not.

So after my unsuccessful attempt at stepping down my prednisone, my doctor wants to put me on Immunosuppressants (mercaptopurine or 6-MP if you are curious). Im skurred. My GI doc said that it was okay to take while breastfeeding, but when I ran it by baby G's pediatrician, she suggested weaning him to formula. The immunosuppressants can cause delays in growth and development and that really freaks me out. See previous paragraph. I'm not ready to switch to formula yet either, so I am going to try stepping off my prednisone once more. But this time I am taking a teensy tiny step off my dose. I sent my GI doctor an email with my new 'plan'...lets hope she doesn't yell at me.

I am wooing a new friend. There is a Mom in Kennens preschool class that has a 5 year old boy and a 7 year old girl. We have matching kids! I have been emailing her and we are going to meet at McDonalds today for a playdate. Fun, right? She seems nice...lets hope it is a successful friend connection for she and I as well as the boys.

I gained 5 pounds. Oh shit.

9 weeks!

***I might have already posted this hospital story but I'm too lazy to go back and check. Sorry if I'm repeating myself, lol***

Baby G is 9 weeks today. At this very moment 9 weeks ago, I woke up in my hospital room...alone. No Jeff, no baby Griffin. And there was a 'code pink' being broadcasted through the hospital. That's code for, "missing baby". I was alarmed and wanted to make sure my son hadn't been kidnapped but I was trapped in my hospital bed. My legs were still numb from my epidural. I called Jeff's cell phone a few times and there was no answer. I called my nurse and asked her if she'd seen my husband and she said that he was walking around with his blue tooth in and it sounded like he was on a work call. I was so pissed! How dare he...work his ass off 24/7 and make lots of money so I can stay home and be with my babies. :D

Anyway, I called the nursery and confirmed that Griffin was safe and I asked one of the baby nurses to bring him to my room. A minute later, Jeff came in. He had some visitors from his work come over and look at Griffin through the nursery window and he had been chit chatting with them apparently and didn't hear his phone ring when I called. I was going off on him and he was taking my venom like a champ. Then I threw a brush at him and told him to get the fuck out of my room, and he left. About 20 minutes later I started to miss him to I called him and apologized and asked him to come back. And bring me something to eat. Yep, I'm crazy like that. Hormones are FUN! Good thing he loves me. :D

All I have to say is what a difference 9 weeks makes. Griffin is starting to get more and more interactive. I would even venture as far as to say that we 'played' this morning. Well, I tried really really hard to get him to smile at me, while he cooed and followed me with his eyes and sat like a big boy in his Bumbo chair.

Look at his bacon and eggs cloth diaper! How cute!
Me and my boy...and my moon face.

This picture is actually pretty embarassing but I think that his little face is friggin adorable so I'm posting it anyway. Look Ma! Matching double chins!
He was starting to get tired of sitting up and he was flexing every muscle in his little body to stay upright.
A little help from Mama. What a beautiful boy. :D

Sunday afternoon rambling

So I was going to start this blog post with a vent about my husband. He held the baby for the first time this weekend and gets totally grossed out because baby G barfed while he was napping and there was schmutzy milk curds in his neck rolls. Yeah...it's gross. But fucking wipe it up, mmmmmkay? Instead of just cleaning him up he huffs...and he puffs...and he tells me to give the baby a bath. I wash my little piglet every single night before I put him to bed and sorry but he's not getting more baths than that. Use a wet wipe. And don't insinuate that I take anything but excellent care of my baby. Or the big kids. Or YOU! Shithead.

But then he made me laugh and I watched him do some man work in the backyard with his shirt off so all is forgiven. And I'm not bitching about him. Not anymore anyway. :D

I've been buying lots of cloth diapers these days! I am seriously so addicted to trolling through etsy.com and hyenacart.com for awesome diapers made by work at home moms. My favorite is www.hyenacart.com/bagshotrowbamboo . Part of it is because her diapers are loaded up with layers of super absorbant bamboo fleece and fit Griffin's tiny butt perfectly. The other part is because she has created a frenzy. She stocks her store at 7:00pm Eastern time on Thursday nights and her diapers sell out within 3 minutes. The buyer with the fastest fingers wins! Over the last few weeks I have scored 8 new diapers...woot woot!

To fund my new shopping obsession, I've sold 12 of Griffins newborn fitted diapers. Can you believe that people actually buy used cloth diapers? I have bought one used diaper...but I can't bring myself to use it. I thought it wouldn't bother me, but it skeeves me out. I will stick to selling my used ones and buying brand new. It's a bummer though because it's a super cute expensive diaper that I got for a good deal. But at this point Griffin is just too shiny and new to put used diapers on him.

Oh! And I must brag about my first born son! Yesterday at soccer he scored not one...but TWO goals! I couldn't have been more proud. I was a shrieking, clapping, cheering, jumping up and down obnoxious crazy soccer Mom. I've never thought of Kennen as competitive but to see him out there trying so hard...playing with all his heart! After his first goal he ran over to me to high five me and Jeff and he said, "Someone needs to pay me a zillion dollars!" It was also an extra big moment around here because even though Kimberly has played for 2 seasons now...she's never scored a goal. She barely understands the rules. She's getting better but uh...I would categorize her as more of a daisy picker than a soccer player.

Well, Jeff has taken the big kids fishing. Baby Griffin is sleeping. What should I do now? I think I'm going to pour a glass of wine...

Got my hurrr did...

Chop chop! All my hair is gone! And it's my natural color to boot!

I'm Alive and Well.

Life is pretty good 'round here. I'm kind of fat though. hmph. I've been on steroids for almost a month now all I can say is...HOLY FAT ROLLS! Fat arms, fat ass, fat stomach, and a big fat head. I've not gained any weight, but I haven't lost anything either. And if you look up 'prednisone side effects' it says something about redistribution of fat in the face and stomach. And the back of the neck. When I went to my GI doc on Monday for a follow up, she gave me instructions on stepping down the dosage of my prednisone. I told her, "Oh thank God, prednisone is making me so fat!" (as I patted my belly). She responded with, "Yeah you definitely have gained weight in your face." Nice. I made her pinky swear that it wasn't permanent.

Here is the scary thing though. Since I started stepping down my steroid dosage, my friggin colon is acting up again. I think I'm going to have to choose between living with my new 'Moon Face' and belly or living with pain. The only way I can describe the pain is it feels like my ass is dry heaving.

In other news, I chopped off all my hair! I friggin love it. I feel like a new girl. I not only love the cut, but I love that all the 'old' is gone. I know it's just hair, but it's like I have gotten rid of all the bad stuff from the last year or so. That hair grew while I was sick and it just had to go. Am I weird?

I'm going to wrap up this post with a song I heard on the radio the other day. It's beautiful and haunting and hopeful and it kind of fits with me no longer feeling like every day is hard.

I'm Alive and Well