Use it or lose it.

I am too tired for coherent thoughts these days, and I have so many blog posts that I have started but not finished. But today, I have decided that no matter what I am going to hit that damn, "Publish Post" button at the bottom.

Here is the randomness that is going on in my life and in my head.

Kennen started school yesterday! My big 4 year old boy is in big 4 year old preschool. I didn't realize until the end of the day that I didn't take that obligatory 'first day of school pic'. Do you think I can just have him put on his backpack this morning and take a picture anyway? That way when he looks at photo albums later, his little life will be properly documented! Yes! It's a plan...Kennen get your backpack on son! :D Also, as I was tucking him in I asked him about his day. He said, "It was great! I didn't even cry! I played with my buddies!" Yay! Just as they did when Kimberly was in the 4 year old class, they read the kids "The Kissing Hand". It's a story about a Raccoon that was scared to go to school, so the Mommy Raccoon kisses his hand and says that anytime he feels scared or if he misses her, he can put his hand to cheek to feel her love. So, I asked Kennen about the story and the little soul totally loses his resolve and crumbled into tears and buried his little sweaty head into my neck and cried, "I missed you! I love you so much!" Oh gawd. My post partum hormones can't handle this and I start crying. Ugh, that boy has my heart all twisted up. I pull it together and emphasize on all the fun things he gets to do at school and he cheers up. Me? I'm still a mess and I consider just clicking off the light and curling up with my 50lb blonde haired angel and having a little slumber party in his twin sized bed. But, there is an 8lb meatloaf in the house that is fussing downstairs and wondering when his next meal will be delivered. Fortunately Kennen saw me close my eyes and started laughing and shoving me out of his bed. He might love and miss his mother but this child does not cuddle. Another year and he probably wont let me hug him in public anymore.

Griffin is a dear sweet baby. A dear sweet hungry, needy, greedy, wants to be held all the time baby. I realized something. I am more tired now than when I was when I had all 3 kids home in the summer. Kimberly helps me so much...I didn't realize how much until she went back to school. Now when she gets off the school bus, she comes running up to me and takes baby G from my arms and goes into the house while I linger and chat with my friends. Yesterday I joked with my friends and said, "Yay! My nanny is here!" Only thing is that I wasn't joking.

Jeff is wonderful and helpful...unless it is the weekend. We went to a surprise birthday party for our neighbor that started at 11am. That means that Jeff started drinking at 11am. By 2pm I realized that I had 3 kids and a drunk husband. Then the more I bitched at him, the more he avoided me, and the more he drank, and the more I bitched at him etc. I ended up leaving him at the party with all 3 kids and walked home and took a bubble bath. (insert evil laugh). Then Monday and Tuesday he got the kids awake, fed, brushed and ready for school all by himself. He came home from work and mowed the grass yesterday. He did laundry. He changed diapers. He played soccer with Kennen. He helped tuck in kids. He brings me gallons of water, one cup at a time. Why can't I just leave him alone and let him be a big dumb animal with his friends at a party? It's not like he is out and away from me and the kids. He has a 'free bird' personality and I know I just need to let him be. He is good to me even when I am fat and cranky.

Okay, wow blogging this time was less painful than I thought. If anyone is still reading after all my ramblings...you rock! :D