This just in from Dr. N

My neighbor just sent this update to us. Ike is going to still be a Cat 3 when it is on land just 15 miles south of me.

dun.dun.dun.dunnnnnnnn!

yowza!

The hurricane is coming! Okay I must admit I am excited but a little skurred. I have water, food and a gun. I should be all set, right? Category 3? Direct hit on Houston? woo hoo

Things that nightmares are made of.

What scares you? The dark? A bumpy ride in an airplane?

Want to know what scares me? When I go to the dentist and he says that he must crown my 6 year olds tooth with a SILVER crown. What the fuck? Am I living in the ghetto? Am I just uptight? Should I just embrace baby's first bling? Should I celebrate this by requesting a diamond encrusted "K" on her new grillz.

I'm going to call my local dentist Dr. Poop. You can know his true identity by removing the last two letters in his name. If you google him and go to his website, he will allay your fears. He will make you feel like going to the dentist is fun! He will make you think that even though he isn't 'in network' on your PPO that he is worth the extra money because he is up to date on technology and aesthetics. His silly smile on the 'about me' page will make you think that he is great with children. He has a choo choo train whizzing around the ceiling of his roof. When you walk into his office your kids will feel at east because 'Beauty and the Beast' is blaring on the tv in the corner of the room. There are puzzles! Toys! Smiling receptionists!

But let me tell you something. Dr. Poop is no different than Krusty the Klown. He is the angry carnie at the fair. Oh yes he is wearing brightly colored scrubs with choo choo trains on them, but he is an ASS! He tries to pretend that he likes children but I am quite sure that he is in the back room drinking whiskey sours while the sedation is kicking in on his little patients. Yes I said sedation. That is what he recommended to my perfectly cooperative 6 year old. I must pay $175 for 'kiddie cocktail'. "She wont remember anything," he tells me. It isn't even necessary to stay with her during the procedure. I can go and further my suburban mommy image and go next door for a pastry and coffee.

"What about laughing gas?" I asked. They don't do laughing gas. The children are a little too coherent on laughing gas apparently. I guess this 'pediatric dentist' just doesn't want to deal with the antics of his 'pediatric' patients.

You know what though? It is less about the snarky attitude he showed my 6 year old. It is less about the overpriced 'kiddie cocktail'. It is more about the metal crown he thinks is appropriate for my child. This is what freaks me out:


Kim only needs one piece of bling in her mouth but there is no fucking way. I found another dentist that has porcelin faced stainless steel crowns. I am having her x-rays transferred. I have heard from another neighbor that he is an ass too. At this point though, I think I will choose the ass that will keep my 6 year old from looking like....Okay I can't post a pic of a child with a silver tooth. That would make me asshole of the year. Lets just say I don't want my daughter looking like Paul Wall.

Thirsty?

How about a hurricane? You want one? Do you? Are you ready for a mutha phunk-in hurricane?
Well ready or not, here he comes! Bring it Ike! I've been waiting for 2 years now to feel the wind blow! Don't disappoint me this time!

A very important date!

Last week Jeff took a half a day off work, we found a babysitter and we had a date! Can you believe it? A DATE! Woo hoo!

We got ready together, flossed together, brushed together and got in the truck and had to hurry to not be late for our reservations...at the dentist! Did you know that dentists take couples? Yeah me neither. When I called the office to make appointments for both of us, the receptionist said that we could come in together. "Couples do it all the time." Wow. Who knew?

We were in rooms side by side and it actually was pretty fun because we were talking through the walls to each other. When the dentist came into my room I told her that just sitting in the dentist chair makes me nervous. That's when Jeff yelled out, "I'm here for you baby!" Me and the dentist were cracking up.

Guess who had more cavities? That would be me. I have 7 and Jeff only has 1! I call bullshit on that. I've seen the man brush his teeth. His technique is not so much about taking time to brush the scuzz off and but more about speed. And...AND my gums are in rough shape too. She did the stabby test where she check how deep she can sink her metal spikey thing into my gums and I have mostly 3's and 4's and even a couple of 5's. Time to start flossing I suppose!

After I was done with my cleaning, I heard Jeff try to ask the dentist how many cavities I had. She told him he had to ask me himself! After he was done we went to the receptionist to schedule our fillings and Jeff gave me so much shit for my 7 cavities! I told him he needs to shut his pie hole. Our dentist vouched for me and said that birthing his little ankle biters probably contributed to my cavity prone teeth.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Sounds about right...

Your Issue Profile: 28% Obama, 72% McCain

When it gets down to it, you tend to best match John McCain. But he's not the perfect candidate for you, and you may not be sold on him yet. Obama shares a good number of your views too, so you might want to give him a second look. It all comes down to which issues matter to you the most.

Should You Vote for Obama or McCain?

Use it or lose it!

That is how I feel about writing lately. Totally uninspired and when I do try to blog, it's dull dull dull.

Where is the witty banter that my fingers are usually posessed with? Writing just feels so forced. I guess because I have been neglecting my writing self. I am forcing myself to blog today and you, my few faithful readers, will have to endure a few shitty posts until I get my mojo back.

This morning was picture day and I had the best little Janie and Jack outfit picked out and ready to go. The only problem is that Kimberly had a major aversion to 'green'. "Green is not my thing Mom"

WTF? It was a pink top with a few green stripes and after I wrestled her into it, she slumped her shoulders and cried. Damnit. We rummaged through her closet and found a shirt that was acceptable to both of us and I angrily was steaming it in the bedroom. Jeff was still in bed listening to Kim and I argue and I said,

"Ask Daddy if he thinks what I picked out is cute or not." This is where he rolled over and said, "I'm just going to stay out of it..." then 10 seconds later he was 'snoring again.' Kimmy and I kept snipping back and forth at each other over how horrible/lovely the color green is. I said, "You don't have to wear it today for pictures, but you are definitely wearing it tomorrow!" Kimmy groaned, rolled her eyes and said "FINE!". Then Jeff started laughing. Aha! I knew he was fake sleeping. What a turd.