The Diplomat

Last weekend at around this time, I was with the kids at NASA enjoying some 'space dots' ice cream. When we were in line, I told the kids the flavors and Kimberly chose 'rainbow dots'. I told her that it was rainbow sherbert and that it wasn't as tasty as real ice cream. She insisted on rainbow sherbert, I'm sure becuse it was the only flavor with the word 'rainbow' in it, and for Kennen I chose banana split space dots. The kids dug in and started eating. Kimberly ate some of hers and her face fell a little.

"It's kind of sour. But I like it...but it's sour." Then she reached across the table with her spoon and helped herself to a bite of Kennens banana split ice cream. Her face lit up and she said, "ohhhhhh, that's yummy!"

The kids kept eating but Kim was watching Kennen as he quickly and efficiently spooned his Space Dots into his mouth. She picked at hers for another minute or so in stony silence. All of the sudden, it was like a light bulb went off in her head.

"Kennen, do you want to taste mine? It's good!"

"No..." he said, as he continued to eat quickly.

"Really Buddy? You should try them. They are really good! Look at all the colors in mine! I will share with you." And with that, she pushed her bowl of ice cream across the table.

Kennen immediately dug in to her bowl while she said, "Mmmmmmmmmm, isn't mine good?" Kennen nodded.

Then ever so slowly, she stuck her spoon in Kennens ice cream and pulled it closer to her. Her eyes darted nervously to me to see if she was going to get in trouble for her trick. She took a few bites and with a triumphant smile she said, "I'm sharing Mommy!"

This much I know is true.

In my 5 short years of motherhood, I have learned that there are some hot topics that should never be debated. These topics are as follows

drug free birth/epidural

breastfeeding/formula fed

stay at home/work out of the home

attachment parenting/cry it out, sleep in crib, sit in a stroller

All of these 'issues' are fervently defended from both sides...just log on to any Mommy message board and you will hear from a bunch of catty bitches that have nothing more to think about since becoming a stay at home mom. I actually used to be one of those catty bitches. Then I had my second child and I realized that Motherhood is more about what works for your family and for your sanity and for your survival during these tender years. Oh, and I've learned to never say never.

Another debatable issue is carseats. I absolutely agree that kids should be in a 5 point harness until 65 lbs. That is the safest choice, even though the law is a 5 point harness until 40 lbs. But I have a car, and when it came time to shell out money for a convertible carseat (rear facing until the kid is 1, then use it forward facing until their reach 40 to 65 lbs depending on the seat you choose.) the carseat that would last up to 65 lbs was too large to fit in my sedan rear facing...so chose the Roundabout that holds kids up to 40 lbs. Well now I have a child that is 2 that weighs 44 lbs. Yes that is the same weight at my 5 year old.
I went to target today to weigh my options. I peeked at the beloved Britax Marathon that went up to a bajillion lbs and that cost a bajillion dollars. Then I looked at the simple Graco booster seat that was $40.


Two other ladies and I were all looking for carseats for kids that were the same size as Kennen. Me and a grandmother were leaning toward buying the same booster seat when a fourth woman happened to pass by us. She stopped in her tracks and loudly told us that what we were choosing was just cheap plastic blah blah blah. I told her that I would love a Marathon, but I didn't want to pay $300+ for it. Then she stepped up onto her soapbox and really got angry with me. I didn't say anything else except for smiling and saying, "You really are absolutely right." And then I told the 2 ladies I was shopping next to that they should listen to her because that was the safest route. Then I put my $40 booster seat into my shopping cart next to a very excited little boy. Then the Grandmother put a booster seat in her cart. I smiled and said 'Thank you,' to the carseat nazi and she just sighed, looked at Kennen and shook her head.

Can I just say that I fucking hate judgmental people? What is with the fucking Mommy wars? I'm not thrilled about taking my kid out of the 5 point harness but I dont deserve to feel like I am throwing him into a snake pit. She had her kids with her and they ranged in ages 8 months to 10 years old. I didn't give my opinion on her quality of 'homeschooling' aka shopping at Target and giving unsolicited advice.

I am mostly frustrated at myself because I used to work at a USA Baby part time when Kim was born and I was trained to be a the car seat nazi. I was the one using scare tactics to get parents to buy Britax. I believed in the product. Despite all that, somehow I've come to think that a booster is perfectly acceptable for 40+ lb kids.

Now I feel like I need to return it. I dont know what to do. Anybody want to weigh in?

Here is a picture of the devil chair, The Graco TurboBooster:

A perfect combination

Girl scout cookies, two kids in school, and old school Super Mario 3 on Wii!

That was my lazy ass day yesterday. It was lazy and self indulgent and exactly what I needed. I did run in the morning so I wasn't a complete sloth, but I really enjoyed the time to myself. D

Did know know that you can hook up your Wii to the wireless internet in your house and go onto their virtual console and download old school games for $5 to $10? For a total of $20 i bought, Excitebike, Super Mario Brothers, Super Mario Brothers 3, and Jeff bought Zelda 2:The adventures of Link. These old school games with their 8 bit characters have completely stolen my attention from the brand new kickass Super Mario Galaxy. Someday I will collect all 120 stars and kick Bowsers Ass (or is it King Koopa? does it matter?) to save Princess Peach. For now I am going to enjoy the 2D platformers of days of yore.

Hmmm, what else is new? Oh! Kimberly has had 2 different playdates with friends from school. The first girl came to play one afternoon because her Mom was in a pinch and wasn't going to be able to pick up her little girl from the bus stop on time. I fed them and they played and Kimberly had a grand old time for the 2 hours that her friend was here. The second playdate was the daughter of the woman I went to Temple with. She spent all of Monday with us because the kids were out of school for Teacher training. My friend is a teacher so she definitely had to work. We had a great day and Kimberly was actually out of my hair because she and her friend played upstairs most of the day. Now these Moms are offering to return the favor and let Kimberly go play at their house.

Without me.

Gulp.

The beauty of a big city...

...is that you can drive to the opposite side of it and make a mini-vacation out of it.

Jeff had a weekend long meeting close to the Gulf so the kids and I crashed his hotel room and made ourselves comfortable. We maybe saw Jeff awake a total of an hour but the kids and I had so much fun. The first night we ate dinner on Kemah boardwalk and then rode the Ferris Wheel. They actually call it the Century Wheel...which is fitting because the amount of rust on it makes me think it is 100 years old.

Kimberly is my thrill seeker and she loved every minute of the ride. I took a mental snapshop of her 'eat a bug' smile* Every time it started to slow down and stop, she begged for it to stop at the top. I do not have her adventureous spirit. Even low key rides like the ferris wheel freak me out. I am not, however, going to instill my irrational fears (read anxiety) into my children. While she was hoping and praying that we would get stuck on the top, I was hoping that our little carriage wasn't going to a: start swinging so hard that it dumped us out and b: have the rusty supports snap under our weight and plummet to the ground. I kept smiling and saying wheeeeeee! Kennen was sitting on my lap facing me, scared shitless and trembling but even toward the end of the ride he gave me a feeble, "one two three....blastoff! wheeee."

The next day we went to NASA. It.was.awesome! It really wasn't that great for the kids, but I was amazed. I got to touch moonrocks, look at real spaceships, astronaut suits, and go on lots of tours of different space expeditions. It usually takes a day or more to see everything but we did it in 6 hours because we walked out of most of the speeches given by the employees. "Boooooorrrriiinnngggggg," as Kimberly liked to say. We also got to see the real mockup of the international space station that the astronauts practice assembling before they get zoomed 250 miles up in the air to the real space station orbiting the earth. Also the main underlying theme of all the tours are that all humans are one race, Earthlings. Live long and prosper. Nanu-nanu.

The one part that was fun for the kids was the 5 story climbing playland. This was the one part where I thought that my kids had been kidnapped for sure. This thing had 3 different exits and I spend 45 minutes watching the exits frantically. Sure enough though, the did eventually come out happy, sweaty and smiling. Plus there was no pedophile lurking and waiting to prey upon them while they were up there.

Oh, a quick story...Last weekend Kimberly went to a birthday part at an inflatable bounce party place. I wasn't watching her and all of the sudden she came running up to me crying, 'That boy bonked me right there!', all while cupping her crotch with both hands. I freak out and started asking if he took her to another room, thinking that some creep was hiding in the linen closet. She looked confused then said, "no, a boy was at the bottom of the slide and when I got to the bottom, he didn't move and I hit him." Then she pointed for a 4 year old little boy. See how my mind works? Worst case scenario all the way.

Long story short...I am trying to find a balance between letting my kids have the freedom to, now brace yourselves, actually play without me hovering over them all the time. I know I am never going to stop worrying and stressing myself out over their safety, but I want them to see me cool as a cucumber and happy. Not stressed out and irrational. What is the balance?

All in all, I had a great weekend. My kids are at such a fun age, and it was really easy for me to enjoy them. There was no stoller, diaper bag, or special kid food to carry around with me. They were inquisitive and adorable the whole trip. After spending the day at NASA, we stopped and rode the ferris wheel one last time.

When we were driving back to the hotel, Kimberly said, "Mommy this was the best day of my whole life." Kennen chimed in, "whole life!"


*Jeff named her super big smile when she was 8 months old and we put her in a swing at the park for the very first time. Her smile was huge and precious and Jeff was laughing and telling her to close her mouth before she swallowed a bug. :D

My kids are learning about anatomy!

Yesterday after school, Kennen wanted to play outside. Kimberly was upstairs so I yelled, "What are you doing? Why don't you go outside and play with your brother." She didn't answer so a few minutes later I called her name again and she angrily yelled back, "I'm playing in the gameroom!"

Okay whatever.

20 minutes later, I went up there and peeked in to check on her and Barbie and Ken were naked and kissing. Oy Vay! She looked at me with big eyes and I pretended not to see what she was doing and told her to go play outside. She threw the barbies in the bin and ran downstairs and outside. BUSTED!

I really don't know how to respond to it. I remember my grandma catching me play 'naked kissing barbies' when I was around 6 years old and she just laughed. I guess it's not a big deal...right? :D

Kennens new thing is to insist that he is a 'good boy'. It is his new goal in life, to be called 'A good boy'. Like when he hits his sister and is sitting on the step as a punishment, he cries and points to his little chest and say, "I a good boy Mommy!' Then Jeff will burst his bubble and say, 'Hitting your sister is bad!" and he will pathetically sob, "A good boy! A GOOD boy!" Then I make him apologize and reassure him that indeed, he is a good boy.

This morning I was on the ball and had him dressed, shoed, fed, hair spiked, and his teeth brushed about an hour earlier than normal. It was so nice to not have to rush and I actually made the mistake of breathing a sigh of relief. 22 seconds before we had to walk out the door he started crying and said, "I peed my pants."

Damnit! It's Murphys law of parenting. I told him he is supposed to pee in the potty and he could tell I was pissed off as I was changing him into somthing new to wear and finding new shoes because they were soaked too. "A good boy Mommy! A good boy!"

Yes baby, you are a good boy but you can't pee in your clothes, it makes Mommy mad. He responded with,

"A good penis Mommy. A GOOD penis."

A wedding quiz

It is a beautiful Sunday afternoon. All my windows are open an a gorgeous breeze is blowing through my house. The kids are playing outside on the grass that is starting to turn green again. Spring is definitely in the air. It is one of those perfect moments where you realize how blessed you are and now I am feeling a little nostalgic. I saw a wedding quiz on myspace so why the heck not? If any of you want to post your wedding quizzes, just leave a comment with a link to you site...I would love to read your stories too!


1. What month & year were you married?
January 2002. About 11 months from our first date and one year from when I first layed eyes on my baby in a bar. :D

2. How did he ask you?
Well I knew he was going to ask me any day. We bought my diamond from a pawn shop (is that something I should keep to myself, ha ha!) and we had it reset into a new plain band. After he picked up the ring from the jeweler, he took me out to dinner at this fabulous little intimate Italian restaurant. I was expecting him to ask all night. We ate our meal and then got into a huge fight because he wanted to use a coupon. It was like buy one meal, get the other 50% off. I was mortified! This was the night he wanted to propose and he wanted to use a coupon? He told me I was being ridiculous and I'm sure he was second guessing marrying a girl who wouldn't let him use his damn coupon. The funny thing is that I finally said, 'Fine, use the coupon,' and he went to pay the bill but the waiter told us that his friend had called the restaurant and taken care of the bill for us. Wasn't i feeling sheepish now. I'm glad he didn't give up on the silly girl who was bitching about a coupon. After dinner he took me to a lake by his parents house and got down on his knee and said the most wonderful things. Aw. Then I cried and said yes. Cliche' yes, but it feels like the biggest moment in the world when it is you.

3. Where did you honeymoon?
We didn't have a honeymoon...um it wasn't in the budget. But his parents rock and they got us one night at The Phoenician.

4. Can you still fit in your dress?
Yes I can swim in it because I was 5 months pregnant at the time.

5. What was your worst gift you got?
There was no worst gift. We mostly got money because I couldn't bring myself to register. Like I was holding the scanner gun in Bed Bath and Beyond and had a panic attack. Registering made it all very real and I didn't want to face it. So I was the super tacky bride and didn't register...and as a reward we got lots and lots of cash! The most memorable was from Jeffs friend...he gave us $69 in cash. Hahaha!

6. What flavor was your wedding cake?
white cake, white frosting.

7. Were you a bridezilla?
No way. My Mom put the whole thing together and I did whatever she told me. I felt like a cow being prepared for slaughter.

8. Whats one thing you would change about your wedding?
Nothing actually. I didn't get caught up in the craziness and the details. All I saw was Jeff.

9. Do you still look at your wedding pics?
Sometimes but I haven't pulled them out in a long time. Oh, and we put disposable cameras on all the tables and we still haven't developed some of the. I wonder if it has been too long?

10. What colors did you use?
purple and silver

11. Where did you tie the knot? In my Aunts backyard. I am so thankful for her letting us do it there.

12. Whats one funny thing that happened that day?
When they started playing the wedding march, I started freaking out screaming, "I'm not ready! I'm not ready!" Someone (I don't remember who) pushed me out the door. Also, Jeff and one of the groomsmen accidentally switched tuxedos so Jeff had to drive all over town to get the right one. Oh, and he had to pick up a keg from the liquor store. And he was very very late. And I left a message on his cell phone that was hilarious to listen to for years to come. I was asking him where he was and I sounded so sad and dejected like I was about to be left standing alone at the altar.

13. How many showers did you have?
1

14. Did you cry?
No, and you know what is weird? As soon as the ceremony was over, I couldn't remember any details or what we said. I still do this day can't remember. Like I have ptsd or something. I just remember the expression on Jeffs face that said, 'can you believe we are doing this?' And I remember happy laughing after we kissed.

15. Did you give any wedding favors away?
gosh, maybe necklaces? I honestly don't remember.

16. Who caught the flowers and garter belt?
I don't think we threw them.

17. Who did the wedding for you?
My Mom, Jeff's friends cooked, My aunt let me use her house, My cousin gave me much needed moral support, my Mom's friend Bonnie tore the arbor out of her garden so we could get married under it. How does that old saying go? It takes a village to plan a pregnant brides wedding in 3 weeks?

18. How much was your wedding dress, undergarments and all?
About $500. Thanks Mom!

19. Was there dancing?
No.

20. Where was the reception?
Aunts backyard.

21. Would go back and do it over again?
Absolutely. Although eloping would have been cool too.

22. How long did you have to plan your wedding
OMG, maybe 3 weeks?

23. What kind of car were you in when you drove away?
Jeff's Silver F-150

24. How many in your wedding party? 7 girls and 7 guys

25. Did you do anything different in your wedding or reception?
Yes, it wasn't very wedding-y. No dancing, not much drinking. Just Jeff, me and 150 of our closest family and friends. I didn't pour my soul into the details like some people do with their wedding. I didn't have the time, the money or the energy to care about making it the part of the century. Jeff has amazing friends though that cooked for us and the food was great and the whole atmosphere was fun and exciting.

I really love the story of our wedding and the beginning of our lives together. We were broke, scared, happy and completely living on love.

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Edited to Add: I let Jeff read my post and here were his comments:

"Oh my gosh, we're so ghetto!"

and my favorite

"We actually had a full 8 weeks and not 3 weeks but you weren't doing anything to get ready for the wedding. I was thinking, 'I ask her to marry me and she doesnt even want to plan the wedding. Aren't I doing her a favor? Does she even want to marry me?' "

Then I asked him if he was afraid that I was going to back out and he said, 'Yes and I was very sad.'"

Then he reminded me that I hitched my wagon to a shining star. Niiice. Do y'all see what I have to put up with?

Eeeeyah Dahdah!

That's what Kennen calls the ENT. Ear, nose and throat doctor. Otolaryngologyst.

I had high hopes yesterday. Kennen must have fluid in his ears because the way he speaks sou''nds like the way a person who is under water would translate what they hear. They checked his ears. They checked his adenoids. They checked his tonsils. They put him in a sound proof room and checked his hearing. He passed everything with flying colors. He is the picture of ENT health. He can hear. His eardrum vibrates appropriately. There is no scar tissue.

This is good news. Excellent news. Don't get me wrong...I'm not disappointed in the least. But if there is nothing wrong, then why isn't he talking? It is so frustrating that I just want to scream. On the way home we stopped at Taco Bell. Kennen saw the sign and happily shouted, "Tah-Oh Beh!"

'No Buddy, it's Tah-Co Bell.'

'tah ho beh

'Say Ta-Ta-Ta-'

ta ta ta

'Say Co-Co-Co'

co co co

'Say Ta-Ta-Ta-Co-Co-Co'

ta ta ta co co co

'Say Taco!'

Tah-Ho

This is where I started bashing my head against the steering wheeel. He can hear me. He can say the sounds. But somewhere his motor planning is cattywhompus. Does he have Apraxia of Speech? Does he have Sensory Processing Disorder? Does he have ADD? Is he a genius? Does he not learn the way the rest of the world learns?

I wish it had been as simple as putting tubes in his ears, and suddenly he would wake up from surgery and all of the sudden something would click.

He would wake up and say, 'Well hello there Mommy. I'm feeling a little hungry, Taco Bell would do me just fine. My favorite is the two soft taco kids meal with cinnamon twists and a Sprite. Ha ha ha, but it's not Sprite is it? It's Sierra Mist! And every time you order a Sprite the person taking your order says, 'Is Sierra Mist okay?' Like it actually matters? I'm 2 and my Mom gives me soda...do you think I'm going to complain? Oh, and Mommy, I know that you always steal one of the soft tacos from my kids pack. It comes with two, but you only give me one. Then I see you scarf it down while driving, you cheeky monkey!"

In dreams right? Anyway, happy Valentines day everyone!