I tripped and fell into suburban bliss

My ADD post. :D

2011-09-15T11:12:00.000-05:00

Hello world,
The longer I go without blogging, the more 'behind' I feel. I feel like I can't just give a regular old post because there has been so much living going on in my family of 5 and I have so much to say. However, I'm just going to step out of that rut and start typing about what is in my mind right now.

Here goes:

My beautiful babies are all in school now! Kimberly is in 4th grade, Kennen is in 1st and baby Griffin is in 2 day a week preschool. I must admit...after our long lazy summer, our new schedule has hit our family like a Mac Truck. We aren't even that busy by most peoples standards. We just have school and each kid is in 1 sport. Should be no big deal to juggle that, but for us it's been hard. A rough adjustment. But this week things finally feel a little smoother and that we can do it.

There have been some changes. First up, I am finally admitting to myself that I have ADD. I have always known that I am a smart person, but I just don't seem to grasp things with the same intensity as other people. It's like my mental list of things to do were little butterflies that fluttered and flitted around inside my head and threatened to scatter away in the wind any second. I forget a lot of things. Paying bills. Washing clothes. Appointments. Social obligations. That when I tell someone, "I'll take care of it," that they actually expect me to (shocker) take care of it. I'm not really hyper. I mean I am kind of a spazz, but mostly my issues are that I am inattentive. I realized that, for me, three children was my tipping point and I no longer had a good enough hold on my life and responsibilities. I went to the Dr and she had me fill out a form. She sat and chatted with me for a few minutes and then wrote me a prescription for Concerta. Easy as that. I am amazed at how great I feel. I feel in control for the first time. I no longer have anxiety that I am forgetting something or that I am going to let someone down. My time management is much better. My house is cleaner. I'm not overwhelmed. I'm motivated and I just feel like I am able to be the best version of myself all the time.

The reason I first even considered it was because Kim struggled so much in 3rd grade. She was so forgetful, wouldn't finish her classwork, wouldn't turn in homework. She would forget to bring her spelling book home. She would tell me that her teacher would be talking and she noticed that other children seemed to understand what they were supposed to do the first time, but that she needed to be told again and again how to do an assignment. Her school isn't allowed to mention that she might had ADD, but they did use lots of adjectives like, 'inattentive', 'spaced out', 'not concentrating'. I was a little slow on the pick up, but I finally took the hint and had her evaluated. The child psychologist was great and tested her on not only ADD but anxiety too. In the ADD sections, she scored 90% more inattentive than other kids and in the anxiety part, he scored 97% more anxious than other kids. For now we are not medicating her. She does stress and struggle but I'm working on coping strategies to get her through each day. She came home with her progress report yesterday with 4 A's and 2 B's. Im so impressed! She is proud too. She said, "All that hard work and all those tears paid off!" <3 Love bug.

Now lets move on to Kennen. Oh my Kenny boy. He also struggled in Kindergarten but got by pretty well. He is actually academically better than Kimberly but socially awkward. He has the speech thing still so that makes it hard to have friends and stuff. He has gotten to the point that if you ask him to repeat something he will say, "Oh nevermind." I think it's a way to keep from getting teased for his speech issues. Even though he is super smart and a great reader and writer, he is slllllooooooowwwwwwww. One day, it took him 30 minutes to write, "Read for 10 minutes," in his homework calendar. His teacher says he spaces off and his folder full of incomplete classwork is building up quickly. The difference between Kim and Kennen though is that he thinks he is awesome. He is really confident and is not worried one bit about his academic performance. He is in speech at school, but he is also in speech with 3 other boys in first grade that happen to play on his football team. He loves going to speech because he gets to see his friends. In an effort to preserve his self confidence, I had him evaluated for ADD as well to be more proactive than I was with Kim. Okay, so I will be the first to admit that when it comes to Kennen I do have blinders on. I understand him on a deep level and I think I pay more attention to his intentions instead of his actions. However, in that interview with the child psychologist I noticed his oddities. Like when you ask him a direct question, he will go off on a tangent that has nothing to do with your question. When you guide him back to the question, he will contradict and talk back. He also was jumping around the office...spinning and making shooting noises and fighting imaginary bad guys. Probably normal boy stuff but well, maybe not. Basically by the end of the session, the Dr. told me that Kennen didn't even need to schedule the 2 hour formal evaluation. It was pretty clear to him that Kennen has ADD or ADHD. I don't think he is particularly hyper but the inappropriate social reactions are usually a result of having the hyperactive version of ADHD.

By the looks of things, all three of us are just a hot mess together. For example, just us getting out of the house on time is a nightmare. The kids can each only find one of their shoes, they forgot to brush their teeth, I can't find my keys, Kennen cries because he is all stressed out, Kim has wandered back upstairs to look for shoes and instead plays with her gerbil, I'm going ballistic and yelling at the kids to hurry, and in the mean time Griffin decides to poop so I have to top what I'm doing and change him. Whew, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

I am loving my medicine but I need to decide now on whether or not to medicate my kids. I think I am going to at least try it for a month. Parenting is a funny thing...before I was a Mom I never even believed in ADHD/ADD. I thought it was poor parenting. Who knows, maybe I am a crappy Mom and I've taught my kids my bad habits. Oh well though...all I can do now is try to give my babies the best tool to succeed and get past my guilt. Guilt only weighs me down.

Crazy Koupon Lady

2011-04-13T18:32:00.002-05:00

My friend recently got me into couponing. Not just the kind of couponing where you save 35 cents on something that you need...but crazy couponing where you stock up on necessities (and not so necessary items) at deep discounts. I'm getting really addicted! This weekend, my total grocery bill between two stores was $577. After coupons I spent $311 and saved $266!!!!! That is with only this weekends Sunday paper...well actually I bought 4 Sunday papers. By spending $8 in newspapers, I saved $266. That's insanity!

Here is the beginning of my 'stockpile'
9 boxes of kelloggs cinnabun cereal
12 gillette mach 3 razors
4 containers of salt
4 boxes of baking soda
10 boxes of jello
4 bottles of All detergent
4 bottles of bronzer lotion (totally not necessary but I like it for my pasty ass legs)
3 cans of salmon
4 cans of pineapple
2 lysol wipes
2 toilet bowl cleaners
40 pudding cups
10 bottles of Fuze flavored water
4 tubs of Philly cooking cream (my new obsession)
12lbs of chicken breast
5lbs of ground turkey
3lbs of deli meat (Jeff doesn't eat carbs so he goes through a ton of meat)
12 bags of frozen veggies
4 bottles of windex
9 packs of cheese (some shredded, some sliced)
3 twelve packs of soda

Whew...that's what I had coupons for/store super sale items. I also bought the regular milk, bread, fruit, crackers etc to pack in the kids lunches. I'm still getting the hang of meal planning and couponing. I must say though that having a ton of meat and frozen veggies keeps it simple. Boring but simple. I just change out a side dish for the kids...tonight it was au gratin potatoes from scratch.

My goal is to save at least 50% off my grocery bill. I saved 46% this time...and I want to do better! Wow, how nerdy am I? :D

Vegas baby

2011-03-07T10:12:00.003-06:00

I am officially going on an adult vacation this summer! Tickets are booked for flights, hotels, and Sigfried and Roy's dolphin show. I guess they decided that the white tiger gig was not something they want to continue. Hey, dolphins and gay men in tight pants work for me. :D

I'm not crazy about flying but my desperation for crazy fun outweighs my fears. Nothing that some early morning wine drinking can't cure. Jeff booked a tower suite. I'm not sure why because I'm assuming we wont spend much time in the room but hey...whatever floats his boat ;D. We are going with a bunch of other couples that live in Katy, but my long lost friend that moved to HI will be there too with her husband and kids. I really really REALLY am looking forward to this adult playground. There is a topless pool...could be fun but I will only go if I can wear pasties. There are roller coasters, pools, bars, clubs, dancing, and yes drinking. I am not at all interested in gambling because I never ever win. It just feels stupid and pointless to throw away money. Jeff likes it though so it will be fun to sit at a poker table with him. Oh! Do y'all watch Pawn Stars? I totally want to go to that pawn shop and buy something!

If anyone has advice or tips on other 'must see' attractions, please let me know. Mama is ready to play!

sparkly

2011-02-28T20:49:00.002-06:00

i finally have a laptop! yay yay yay yay!!!

So crazy how technology changes. Three years ago I had a slower computer, with a shittier processor and less storage space for $200 more than what I paid for my new HP. Yup...I'm brand loyal. Harry Potter took great care of me in the past and when I went shopping, it was pretty much all I looked at. It just felt riiiiiight. Like a glove. Or riding a bicycle...or something.

My next job is to transfer my 2000 pictures from my iphone to my harddrive...and then I need to back it up to my external drive. Then I need to print and collate them into albums. Yeah, that last part wont happen.

I'm gardening now. I'll talk about that soon but now it's time to watch The Bachelor. Woot!

Must write

2011-02-17T09:31:00.001-06:00

I must keep the forward momentum going on this blog. I'm just a few weeks away from a new computer and it will be gloriuous to type with all ten fingers instead of just my right thumb on my tiny iPhone screen. My thoughts flow faster than my touch sceen tapping ability and that my friends is why I've neglected my blog so much.

I need a vacation. I've got the wheels turning on making a Vegas trip happen this summer. It seems like the gods are lining up many arrows that are all pointing to Vegas baby. Check this out;

1.My friend Laurie moved to Maui last year and and she is going to be in Vegas with her family in July.

2. My other friend Sarah is planning on renewing her vows in Vegas in July.

3. I have awesome in laws that prefer to watch my kids without me around so they can over indulge my children without me bringing everyone back to earth. This means free enthusiastic babysitting.

4. I'm long overdue for a trip to AZ. I have nieces, and my Mom, and cousins, and grandparents that I need to reconnect with. Vegas is 5 hours from Phoenix.

5. The kids won't be in school in July.

See what I mean? It's kismit.

My plan #1 is to drive to AZ with my kids and spend some time rekindling my love affair with the desert. Then I wil leave my babies with my in laws while I drive to Vegas. Jeff will meet me in vegas, then we will pick up the kids in Phoenix and drive home to Texas.

Plan #2: in laws fly to Texas, jeff and I fly to Vegas for the weekend, party like rockstars, fly home to Texas. Skip AZ altogether.

Plan two is less stressful but it's been a long time since I've been back "home". Oh I just don't know. I do know that I need to see Laurie and that I need a break from my kids. How is it all going to play out? Not sure yet!

Getting better?

2011-02-03T08:18:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I had my colonoscopy. Wow what a trip! That twilight anesthesia Versed is pretty fabulous. I remember the medicine being injected into my iv line and I was trying really hard to concentrate and attempt to stay awake. Then I blinked my eyes and I was in a different room sipping on some ice water. It's different than waking up from sleep. When you wake up from sleep, you have a sense that you have been laying there for awhile. Waking up from versed feels like no time has passed at all. So weird!

Anyway, my dr. said that I only have left sided colitis now, which is an improvement from my pancolitis a few years ago. I also had 2 polyps removed which is pretty freaky. They were small, I'm sure they are benign...but still. I'm only 31 and I have polyps. Eek! Get your colonoscopies people! Colon cancer is one of the leading killer cancers out there but it's so preventable! Quick...do it before Obama-care dictates that you aren't allowed to have one!

In other news...it's supposed to snow today. In Houston people!!!! Crazy! I'm off to crawl under a thick down comforter with my baby boy. Oh...except that he doesn't cuddle. So I guess I'm off to attempt to cuddle with my baby boy while he arches his back while scratching at me with his finger and toe nails.

Checking in. :D

2011-01-30T19:30:00.004-06:00

Tonight I have the glorious luxury of having a laptop to blog on. Ever since the unfortunate death of my old laptop, I have been stuck on just my iphone for all of my internet enjoyment. I'm greatful for my 3g network and autocorrect...but it's no qwerty keyboard!

Lets see...what's new? Griffin is a happy healthy 18 month old. He's walking, talking, throwing fits and stealing everyone heart around him. He has a determination about him that I admire. He is contstantly having 'big kid toys' taken away from him but despite being told no a zillion times per day, he is still relentless. He wants what he wants and he never gives up. It can be annoying but I admire that and I see a lot of Jeff in Griffin. Self starter. Arrogant. Charming. All those things that make me swoon, lol.

Kennen is impressing me in kindergarten. Ever since he has speech/balance/development issues, I always assumed he would be behind. It's funny because I went into his parent-teacher conference ready to hear the worst. He is ahead of his class as far as reading and knowing his sight words. He doesn't need speech therapy anymore. The only thing he doesn't say correctly are his 'L's" but that is still within the normal realm of kindergarten kids. He is enormous! He is 65lbs and wears a size 7/8. He is very tall and lean. He has my heart as always. I don't have a favorite child...it's just impossible buuuuut. He's very special to me. :D

Kimberly, oh my Kimmy-girl growing up so fast. She has been developing her social life. I am really trying hard to fight my instinct to tell her she's not allowed to have friends that I don't choose for her. It's annoying when she has girls calling and asking her to play or sleep over every weekend. She's just a baby...a mere 8 years old...too young for sleepovers, right? Apparently not. I'm learning to let go just a tiny bit. She had a slumber party last night and I was up between the hours of 2am-6am and more than once I worried about Kim. Was she having fun? Was she warm? Did the smoke alarms in the house she was staying at have fresh batteries? Was the father of her friend a pedophile? Would she pee the bed and become the laughing stock of third grade? Of course she just had fun and was her happy strong self when I picked her up. No worse from the wear and very happy to have a night with her girlfriend.

The huz. We just celebrated 9 years of marriage a few years ago. I bought him a Coach wallet and he cooked me dinner, pampered me and bought me 2 dozen roses. I had all these ideas of tucking in the kids early, sharing a bottle of wine, savoring our steaks and salad. Instead we had kids begging for steak too, crying toddler, barking dog, and general pandemonium. It was fun. I love the noise. He has been working a ton lately...but honestly making more money than ever so no complaints here. So odd that I married a waiter and now Jeff is so successful. I always knew he was smart and driven...but yeah, I must say it's a nice yet unexpected bonus that he takes such good care of our little family.

Me? I'm good. My anxiety...which I may or may not have really blogged about in the past...is kind of chilling out. I'm not sure why. Maybe having a baby to dote on is good for my mental health. Please take note people...if I ever suffer some kind of amnesia or dementia, please give me a baby doll and tell me it's my child. Being a mother gives me a peaceful easy feeling. My UC is in the shitter. I'm swallowing handfuls of pills a day and I'm only minimally controlling my symptoms. I even met with a colo-rectal surgeon a few weeks ago to discuss removing my colon. I'm sick of the pills, I'm sick of the pain...bah I'm just over it. But then I went to the surgeon and my vanity got the best of me. I don't want an ostomy even if its temporary. I don't want the nasty vertical scar on my abdomen. I had three perfect pregnancies with no c-section scars and no stretch marks. I would hate to ruin one of my better assetts by slashing it up with huge scars. I did find a sort of famous surgeon in my city that does laproscopic surgery and if I did need a total colectomy, I would go with that guy. But I don't think I am there yet with my disease. I think the surgery and then living with a jpouch (a rectum fashioned out of my small intestines and hooked up to my bung hole) would be better than what I'm living with. I'm back on prednisone, along with my colazal and 6mp, and I'm feeling pretty well. I'm getting fat again though so I'm tapering sooner than later. Oh! I almost forgot...I have another colonoscopy on Wednesday. The last time I had one, my Dr. hospitalized me. i had the last procedure done in the hospital so it was easy to admit me. This time I am smarter. I am going to an outpatient clinic so she can't admit me. Muahahahaha! I don't have time for another hospital stay. I'm much better than last time though so I don't anticipate that she would admit me but just to be safe...outpaitent clinic it is!

Speaking of getting fat. I'm going to join weight watchers this week. Boo. Hiss. But it's time. I tried on swimsuits already and it was pretty scary. All of the sudden, my Mothers reflection was staring back in the mirror. Cellulite and all! I need to lose 20 lb's stat!

Wow it feels great to blog. I need to buy a laptop. I need to buy a laptop. I need to buy a laptop.

Cancer meds suck

2010-09-19T17:34:00.000-05:00

My GI doctor prescribed 6mp for me last week. It's a cancer chemotherapy drug that was "accidentally" found to treat people with Ulcerative Colitis. Nothing else is working so and I'm desperate enough to try this.

:( it sucks so bad. The side effects are headaches, nausea, loss of appetite and fatigue. This particular type of chemo kills off your white blood cells, which I need because my WBC count is really high. I truly feel like it is killing off my life force. I'm so tired and I feel sick most of the time. I feel like a cancer patient. The thing about this medicine is that it takes 3 months to build up in your system before it even begins to work. I just feel like it's not even worth it.

Since I always love a bargain, I have to share this little gem with you. My medicine this month before insurance is $2600. My out of pocket would have been around $400. However, I've met my max contributions and now I can get any crazy ass expensive drug for freeeeee!

La di dah...in other news, I'm building a table! Once it's complete, I'll share my step by step pictures. ;)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Good times at the GI doctor

2010-09-14T16:11:00.001-05:00

As we speak, I'm sitting in the waiting room at the GI doctor. Two things of note:

1. I'm the youngest person in here by far.
2. When a man in the waiting room stands up and urgently asks, "where's the bathroom?" about 5 people murmured in unison, "down the hall...on the left."

These are my peeps yo!

Mixed feelings

2010-08-05T11:15:00.000-05:00

My baby is 1 today...O.N.E! I love the person he's turning into but I am a little devastated that he's not a "baby" anymore.

Then I get a phone call from Jeff. He just scheduled his vasectomy. I'm mostly happy but a little devastated. He's afraid he's going to kill me of I get pregnant again and my ulcerative colitis flares up. I know he's being overly dramatic. I don't want more kids...do I? No. Maybe just one more. No.
Yes? No. It's just so permanent.

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What's in a name?

2010-08-02T14:56:00.001-05:00

Griffin is saying words! He says "Dada", "Kitty Cat", "Guh" (dog), "Nana" (banana).

He also calls me "Bobo". Ah the joys of a breastfeeding baby. Hmph. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he's saying stuff but I am more than a pit stop for a quick snack...right???

He turns 1 on Thursday! Oh what a wonderful year this baby has given me. He really is such a joy. I think back to how on the fence I was about having a third baby and now he has filled me up, made me and my family complete. Love this little dude. He's a bruiser. A sturdy little soul and seems to see the bright side of life. So different from his emotional and sometimes brooding older brother. He doesn't "dance" like my older kids did with music...he sings! I hear him humming the first few notes of "twinkle twinkle little star", then I sing it for him and he joins in...yelling out the notes and bobbing his head.

He's a good one.

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Kimmyism

2010-07-22T09:15:00.000-05:00

This morning I told him that she was going to my friend Rhonas house because I had a doctors appointment. She said "yay!" and then she asked, "why are you going to the doctor? For your rotting butt?"

Yes kimmy,for my rotting butt. Apparently "rotting butt" was how Jeff described my hospitalization last year. Nice.

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Man card

2010-07-20T12:30:00.001-05:00

Last night Jeff and I were watching the Bachelorette. I noticed that my toenail polish was chipped AND that the nail polish bottle was on the coffee table AND that Jeff was sitting in next to both my feet and the nail polish bottle.

I wiggled my toes and said, "Hey baby, will you paint my toes? I need a touch up!"

He looked at my feet...looked at the nail polish bottle...looked at the tv. He was quiet for a minute. Then he said, "If it ever got out that I was watching the bachelorette and painting your toes, I would have relinquish my testicles....so NO!"

Hmmmm I guess he's got a point there, lol.

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Summer summer summertime!

2010-07-18T11:01:00.001-05:00

This about sums it up:

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Girls just wanna have fun!

2010-07-16T10:41:00.000-05:00

I have been down in the dumps lately. Two reasons.

The first is that i created chaos for my family because I mismanaged our money. And by mismanaged, I mean royally fucked up. I was terrified to tell Jeff and I tried to hide my gaffe which only made things worse. I finally came clean and he was surprisingly kind. I expected him to be more hateful. Silly me. He he must really love me. He forgave me and is fixing my mess. I guess I need to forgive myself. A self loathing person cannot be the best Mother.

The second reason is that it feels like lately things have been all work and no play. It's been a long hot summer and I feel like I've spent my days cleaning my house and entertaining my kids. A bunch of my neighbors have been on vacations while I stay and swelter in Houston. On top of that, my girl Laurie packed up and moved to Maui. Whaaaaaaaa! I miss her so much. She's my friend, my kids are friends with her kids, my husband is friends with her husband. :( She was a great neighber, amazing friend...

Okay I don't want to cry but there is definitely an emptyness since she left. She was always up for a mid day glass of wine which makes a day drinker like me feel like less of an alcoholic. Okay I'm crying now. I miss you girl!

Wait...im getting off track. The point if this blog post was to say how excited that I actually had a fun kid free evening turned fun night turned talking until 2:00am with a cool new friend. It started out as Bunko but we ended up spending the rest if the night laughing and before I knew it the clock said 1:45am.

Suddenly life seems a little brighter. I need to make sure I carve out time for myself. I actually like my kids today and am happy to clean my house.

Speaking of...it's a pigsty so I better get cracking!

A treasure

2010-07-15T14:30:00.001-05:00

Kennen made something for me at preschool last year. It is just a piece of fabric with rhinestones glued onto it. I'm not really sure what its purpose is, but it is one of those things that Kennen poured his love into creating for me. I've misplaced (aka tossed haphazardly into the toybox) and Kennen has brought it to me. Big fat tears rolling down his cheeks and him saying, "Mommy I made this for you! Don't you want it?" (break my heart!!)

That's when I sweep him into a hug and thank him for finding it for me! Then he wipes his tears and laughs, "Silly Mommy!"

"Thanks Kenny. I love it!"

And I really do <3

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Is this all?

2010-07-14T19:18:00.001-05:00

Ever wonder if every day is going to play out exactly the same as the day before? It seems like this is my new reality. Every day is wake up, make coffee, feed baby, kiss my husband goodbye until the evening. From then it's my job to keep my kids from fighting. Keep them fed and enriched.

Ugh I'm just oh.ver.it. I'm bored and I'm afraid that every day of the rest of my life is going to play out exactly the same.

Maybe it's just been a long summer.

Goodmama's The ONE stash pics

2010-07-13T10:19:00.002-05:00

Today is going to be a very fun day in cloth diapering for me! I recieved some birthday money from my Mom and from my in-laws and what do I decide to buy? Cloth diapers. I know, I know...I have a weird obsession.

I fracking love these diapers though! It is rare to find boyish diapers that are cool and fun. There are endless lovely girly cloth diapers out there, but for boys you can usually only choose from sports themes, toy cars, and other lame patterns. As a result, most of my diapers are just solid colors, which is fine. Fine but not fabulous! Thanks to Goodmama diapers though, there is a whole new line of AIO (all in one diapers which means no cover is required to cover the rad prints!) diapers call The ONE's. My new stash of ONEs came in the mail yesterday and I couldn't be more giddy. I pet them, washed them, dried them, pet them some more and put them on Griffin. I'm not sure of all the names of these diapers, but here is what I got yesterday!

The Hot ONE:

The Snakeskin ONE:

The Snakeskin ONE again:

The Batik ONE:

The Sea ONE:

The Skully ONE:

The Green ONE (upsidedown, lol):

The Magic ONE (upsidedown too!):

The Tattoo ONE:

The Surfer ONE:

Because I'm self depricating...

2010-07-06T10:45:00.002-05:00

and because there might be people out there in the thick of moonface thickness that are scared shitless that they will be fat and ugly forever. Here is my little jaunt with prednisone and Ulcerative Colitis over the last year. I was on 60mg for 5 days, 40 mg for a month, 30 mg for 2 weeks, 20 mg for 4 days, back up to 40mg for 2 weeks because I started bleeding again, 35mg for 2 weeks, 30mg for 2 weeks, 25mg for 2 weeks, 20mg for 2 weeks, 15mg for 2 weeks, 10 mg for 2 weeks, 5 mg for 1 week and now thank G-D that I have tapered off completely. I guess you could say I was steroid dependant because if I tapered too quickly I would get sick again. And by sick, I mean I would poop my pants. Sexy.
Drum roll please. Here is the good, the fat, the ugly and the good again.

Here I am about a month before I got pregnant. I was about 15 lbs lighter than I am right this minute.

Here I am mere hours from giving birth to my third baby Griffin. I was...the heaviest I've ever been ha ha. But my face has not really changed from pre-pregnancy. Notice the look of terror because I knew I was about to push a baby out of my vaginie.

Sigh. This is the most horrible picture and I am actually TAGGED on facebook in this one. This is a doozy. My weight is actually about the same as I am present day. But I think my face is 3 times larger than normal. I was on around 30mg of pred at this time and having a hard time tapering off. And please pay no attention to my huge looking body. My body wasn't huge. I was just under several layers because it was snowing. In Houston. Crazy.

This is me on fourth of July. Sorry it's blurry but my iPhone doesn't have an anti shake thingamajiggy and I had a squirmy baby on my lap. Moonface is gone! I've been off prednisone about 4-5 months at this point. Griffin does have moon face. Sweet chubby healthy baby moonface. And he's damn proud of it too.

This concludes my moonface before and after. Cheers!

Yee Haw!

2010-07-03T10:22:00.002-05:00

We are staying in Texas. That is a huge relief. I'm just not in the mood to pack up my house, live in a rental for awhile, buy a new house, make new friends, blah blah blah.

Now that I've lived in my area for 4 years, I am noticing how my social circles/webs are all starting to connect. I cant tell you how many times in the last few weeks I have realized that my friends are friends with each other. So random! It is a good feeling. This is where I belong, and happily this is where I get to stay.

More to come soon!

Home is where the...

2010-06-29T23:24:00.003-05:00

job is?

There have been some shakeups at Jeffs work. My over achiever husband is never satisfied to just 'be', and as a result he has great opportunities within his company. These would require moves and I feel like it's a new city every week. First Paris. Then Concord, CA (wine country, woot!), then Seattle (might have to double up on the prozac to deal with the gloom).

My first reaction to these ideas is always, "No!" But then I sit and I think, "Why no?" If this is what needs to happen, well I don't want to hold him back from reaching his full potential. He is a restless soul but somehow he's tame with me. I appreciate the tameness...but I don't want to kill his spirit. So. I will go where he goes.

I emailed him today that I was open to change. In an interesting turn of events...better things might now open up for him here in Texas. Hmph. Im thrilled but I spent over an hour pouring over real estate in far away places. I got a leeeeeeetle excited. I could have a forest in my back yard...or a vineyard! But more than anything I'm relieved. I love my house, my friends, my community, my super clean Super Target. The list goes on and on. :D

It all could change tomorrow but fingers crossed...I want to stay in Texas!

31!

2010-06-20T09:43:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I'm 31...eek!

I'm just that much farther away from 20 and that much closer to 40. Weird! I still feel like a clueless kid.

Jeff and I had the best day yesterday. We started it off with a fight of monumental levels. We agreed that the actual celebration of my birthday was going to be on Saturday because he was going to be out of town on Monday, my actual birthday. I woke up with expectations. I'll call this mistake number one. Birthday or not, my kids are still needy and hungry first thing in the morning. Dishes still need to be unloaded. Pork roast still needs to go in the crockpot. Baby still screams. Jeff still snores because it's saturday and he usually sleeps in. Basically I lost it because he wasn't fanning me with palm fronds and hand feeding me grapes. Like I said, I had high expectations becasue he promised to give me a good birthday. I wanted no drudgery.

Anyway, we had a big bad fight. Said things I shouldn't have said. He threatened to cancel the babysitter. :(

Instead he was a sweetie and bought me a Coach Wallet, took me out for sushi, suffered through going to a wine bar...it was fabulous. We also went to the shooting range. Hmmm, not my thing. Jeff said, "Don't you feel empowered?" Uhhhh, no. I'm a lover not a fighter. Or at least I prefer verbal combat vs tactical combat. I hate that gun, I hate the shooting range. At least I know how to shoot now.

Mmmmmmm, I'm going to indulge in a little leftover cold sushi for breakfast. Lets hope I don't get food poisoning. :D

My little techy

2010-02-15T09:47:00.000-06:00

Kennen found the solution to me constantly telling him to turn down the volume on his DS. My son is so rad!

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Psst...

2010-02-11T08:03:00.001-06:00

Does anyone have the "words with friends" app in their iPhone? If so come challenge me to a game. My name is bobellaella. WWF is actually just scrabble so I'm calling all word dorks to come and play with me. Thanks Kempy for showing me this app! :)

Hmm...

2010-01-29T12:54:00.001-06:00

Baby's first bong?

Griffin has pnuemonia! I took him to the pediatrician on Tuesday after having a fever and cough for four days. She said his chest sounded bad and the fever for days concerned her, so she sent me to the hospital to run some tests. It was supposed to just be outpatient but while I was there waiting for his blood draw, rsv test and chest x ray, his fever spiked. I didn't have any Tylenol with me and I freaked out. I ran across the hospital to the ER and started calmly explain that my doc sent me there for test, "...but now he is burning up whaaaaaaaaa!" you would have been impressed with my hysterical Mom charade. I didn't know I had it in me because I'm usually pretty calm. I was crying, pacing, couldn't remember his birthday for their paperwork etc. The front desk lady took pity on me and helped me strip off his clothes to keep his fever from scrambling his brain.

The nurse called me back and got the rundown of his symptoms over the last few days. I was still a crying mess and she asked,"is this your first baby?". I laughed and said, "no he's my third, you would think I would be more relaxed." She stuck the thermometer up his tookus and she said to Griffin, "Stop scaring your Mom." Then she said, "103.8. Let's get you in a room." More hysterics from me.

He got some Tylenol, an RSV test, blood work and a chest X-Ray. Thankfully no RSV, but he did have pnuemonia. Holy crap! They admitted him for the night to give iv antibiotics and breathing treatments. He perked up by morning and we got released that afternoon. Sheesh. He went from healthy to pnuemonia in 4 days! So crazy.

Now he's home with antibiotics and an inhaler. Silver lining? It's only January and we've met our deductible. Woot!

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I wonder.

2010-01-23T10:49:00.001-06:00

I have been so hard on Kimberly these last few days. She is so sweet and responsible and I keep pecking at her. On one of the blogs I read, some guys 16 year old daughter ran off with her boyfriend. Could that be Kimberly in 8 1/2 years? What was it about home that was so unbearable for this girl? An oppressive and critical Mother? Oh Kimmy girl, you are such a cool kid. What did I do to deserve a daughter like you? ***waving white flag*** I'm going to back off and let you bloom in a safe and warm place.

First yoga class

2010-01-20T17:51:00.001-06:00

and I'm feeling very Zen. The light in me respects the light in you.

I even had a road rager honk at me and I'm not even pissed.

Namaste.

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Dear scale,

2010-01-12T12:18:00.001-06:00

Don't you know that I wore my ass out at the gym for two days? I should at least be holding steady but you said I gained???? Bite my ass.

Kisses!
-Stella

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Relentless

2010-01-10T10:54:00.001-06:00

I tried to let Griffin cry it out for his nap today. He screamed for a good 40 minutes or so. I though "surely he will give up and go to sleep any second now!". Didn't happen because I caved. Why am I so soft with him? Why is he so strong willed? My little Leo is showing me who's boss. And now I'm holding him with his face buried in my armpit. Sign. What am I gonna do with this boy?

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Camoneighbor

2010-01-09T15:56:00.001-06:00

It's like you can't even see him!

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My monkey...

2010-01-01T20:25:00.001-06:00

...is starting to sleep in his crib at night. For almost two weeks now he has slept in his nursery from 8pm to 2am. It's not quite enough for the black circles under my eyes to go away, but it's enough to have my evenings to myself to hang out with Jeff or take a bath or whatever the heck I feel like.

I'm actually sitting in his nursery holding a sleepy Griffy right now. I love this room. It's so pure and untouched. Peaceful. Here is my little sleeping monkey in his little monkey bed!

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2009

2009-12-31T10:46:00.001-06:00

Let's see...what did I do this year? I had a baby, got sick, got better and chopped off my hair. I felt like it was a year of transformation for me. I also turned 30. I feel like a butterfly that emerged from a cocoon. Except I think I was more beautiful before. 2009. The year I got fat and ugly. Also the year I realized how much my husband and kids needed me. And the year I got baby Griffin. I've also become closer to my friends I think. SBHL girls, I love y'all so much!

Tonight I am gonna party like a rockstar with my newest sidekick Baby G. Word.

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Just doesn't feel right...

2009-12-24T17:32:00.001-06:00

... To put this on facebook so I'm going to tell y'all instead. My neighbor brought over a bottle of wine for Christmas and I've almost drank the whole bottlle myself! I have too many kids to be this drunk! Anyone else ever feel this way??? Oops!

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Peace on Earth

2009-12-24T09:47:00.000-06:00

Sigh

2009-12-20T17:42:00.001-06:00

My kids are so wild today. Literally bouncing off the walls. They asked me for lunch and I didn't hop to it fast enough so they proceeded to ask me for clam chowder 147 times in a row. I told they to be quiet and I would get it for them. I was heating it up and Kim asked me AGAIN!!!!!!! I turned around and snapped at her, "if I hear you say 'clam chowder' again I'm going to beat you!" immediately Kennen walked in the kitchen and asked "is the clam chowder ready?"

WTF? I turned around to chase down and beat my kids and Jeff finally stepped in to help me. He sternly told them to sit down and be quiet.

Then Jeff looked at me with a little grin and asked me, "Can I have some ham powder? How about some schlam dowder?" Then I laughed until I cried. What a dirty J-w.

Mii huz

2009-12-17T11:49:00.000-06:00

Doesn't this Mii look very true to life??? And excuse the boob tube line. My tv is prehistoric.

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Happy

2009-12-16T22:58:00.001-06:00

I am. Happy and busy but I miss blogging. It's such a pain in the ass to blog long posts from my iPhone so my new plan is short and sweet posts. Something is better than nothing, yes? Yes!

Baby Griffin is perfect and such a silly and social little guy. He coos and talks and smiles at anyone who will stop to lookat him. 4 months old and already making friends and influencing people.

I am off steroids and my UC is under control. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. I'm still 20 lbs heavier than I was a year ago, but my big fat moon face is shrinking. Woot!

Here is me and my beardy baby love.

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Slumber party?

2009-12-13T14:33:00.001-06:00

My baby girl is growing up! She has gone on not one but two sleepovers in the past few weeks. I don't know if I am ready for it but Kimberly totally is. Both times she had a blast and didn't want to come home. So weird that she is growing up so fast.

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Thankful

2009-11-26T08:07:00.000-06:00

I am thankful for Jeff. He is fun and fascinating and still surprises me after all these years. He makes me laugh until I cry. He makes mad until I scream. I love love love my baby love. I'm so thankful that I walked by him and said "hi" and made him fall in love with me.

I'm thankful for my kids. What a weird thing to be in charge of 3 little kids when I still feel like a child myself.

I'm thankful for my friends. My AZ friends and my IL friend still live in pockets of my heart. My new TX friends have made living in a new place feel like home.

I'm thankful for my healthy body. I've learned that nothing else matters if you aren't well.

And I'm thankful for YOU, my five or so faithful blog readers. It's nice to know you care enough about my little life to read and comment. Muah!

Hello, my name is cuteness!

2009-11-06T04:37:00.000-06:00

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Oink

2009-11-05T06:28:00.001-06:00

It is done. My big kids have been flu misted.

With all the going back and forth and stress over which choice to make I must say that I feel nothing but relief. I tried to get my ped to give me a squirt as well but no dice. I've contacted my doctors and they don't have them and I have contacted the health department but they won't give me one. I am a little worried about getting the mist for myself since I am probably immunocompromised from my steroids but I will take the live mist if I can't find the deactivated shot version.

Kiddos are doing great! No wonky side effects like sprouting curly tails so that is a relief. I do feel a little guilty a out giving the big kids something that I feel is questionable to protect the little guy. I just cannot handle the thought of the pig flu ravaging his little 13 lb body because of the big kids bringing home the disease from school. He is so little and I made him and I want to keep him forever and ever amen.

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And pigs flew

2009-11-02T11:16:00.001-06:00

Any one else have serious heebie jeebies with the h1n1 virus flying around in the air we breathe??? I am getting so paranoid because I am terrified that my sweet perfect tiny Baby G will get sick and die. I guess I can't put it any more bluntly than that.

It is making me a recluse. Today I went to my bible study and I got there early. I said good morning the woman who collects money from parents for childcare. I was trolling throght the internet on my iPhone (love this thing!) and I told her that I was looking for a place to get the shot because my Dr's office didn't have them. She responded with, "oh I know...just this morning my son woke up with a fever! I think he probably picked it up here yesterday during Sunday school."

In my head I screamed "Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh! Get the fuck out of here Stella!!!!" but I politely said, "Awww, poor thing. I hope he feels better soon. Oh, I left something in my car...be right back." Then I picked up baby Griffin, walked to my truck and drove home. Sigh.

I miss being out in public but I can't even enjoy myself. It's like when I was a single girl in Rocky Point for Spring Break. My friends were having fun and looking for guys to hook up with. I on the other hand looked and the masses of horny college guys and thought "I wonder how many of them are going to spread their STD's tonight." It's kind of a bummer because right before I met Jeff, I decided that I wanted no more serious relationships and that I was entitled to a slutty phase while I was in college. Then a few days later I met Jeff. And he liked it so he put a ring on it ha ha! Long story short...no random hookups for me. Anyway I guess I have been a germaphobe for a long long time.

My big kids are getting their h1n1 shots tomorrow and I will try and get mine asap. I'm waiting for Walgreens to get their shipment in...hopefully this week. Then I will hopefully breastfeed some immunities into the baby!
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Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T08:27:00.001-05:00

I hope y'all have a spooktacukar time!

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Perspective

2009-10-28T06:41:00.002-05:00

Kimberly has been having some issues lately. She's just not listening when Jeff and I give her instructions to do something. Like I tell her to brush her teeth, only to realize that she got sidetracked on the way to the bathroom and has spent the last 20 minutes making a fort in my bedroom with my comforter. Or when we are doing homework, she has these timed math worksheets where she has 2 minutes to complete a page of addition problems. I set the timer for her and go out of the room to change the baby. When I come back, she is staring out the window with a lollipop in her mouth and only 5 problems done on her page and the timer is buzzing. She forgets to bring her homework home. Then last night the child FORGOT TO EAT HER DINNER! Jeff ordered pizza so when we got home from soccer practice, it was just a free for all. We didn't sit at the table together. I personally sat in the recliner to nurse the baby and eat at the same time and the kids ran off into the dining room. I assumed that they um...ate while they were in said dining room. Instead Kimberly colored 2 pictures for Jeff to take to his office, and then 2 pics for me. She said they were presents. How cute! And thoughtful! What a dear sweet child.

After awhile we tucked in the kids. Ahhhh, silencio! Then Kim comes out crying and saying, "I didn't eat dinner yet!". Sure enough on the dining room table was her plate with 2 slices of uneaten pizza. To this I ask, 'what the fuck?'. How do you forget to eat? At dinner time? When the food is right in front of you? At the dining room table? I kind of flipped out. Just the culmination of all these flakey things she has been doing lately just pushed me over the edge. I sent her to bed without any dinner. I was just so done.

Then I started watching The Biggest Loser and one of the women on there was being drilled by Jillian (love that badass chick!). The woman was crying and talking about 'losing everything'. Jillian stopped her workout and asked her how she lost everything. The contestant then told the story about how she had a husband, a beautiful red headed 5 year old daughter and a little blonde haired blue eyed 9 month old baby boy. One day they dropped her off somewhere, she kissed them goodbye and then 5 miles down the road they were all killed in a car accident. My heart literally ached when I listened to this story and then it broke into a million pieces when I could hear Kimberly quietly crying in her room because her mean mother sent her to bed without dinner.

In the grand scheme of things, who gives a flying flip if my 7 year old is irresponsible. I know the only reason it drives me batty is because she is just like me. And I want her to be better than me and to not struggle because she inherited my awesome disorganization skills. I called Kim downstairs, warmed up her pizza and held her in my lap while she happily chewed with her mouth open. That's another thing that drives me nuts...the fact that she is completely unaware at how loud she is when she eats. Just like her father. But I just thanked God above and my lucky stars that in my arms I held this wonderfully annoying child. How lucky am I?

So not a techy girl...

2009-10-24T10:00:00.002-05:00

...but I lurve my iPhone! It's amazing, holy cow it gives me butterflies because the things it can do seem endless. The most exciting thing so far is that there is an app for Pandora. Since the death of my computer, I don't have my mp3's anymore to put on my phone. With the app from pandora.com though, I can still have music while I run. How awesome is that? Not that I have much motivation to run, but you know what I mean. I can also plug my iPhone into this little plug in my Tahoe and listen to music from Pandora too. Seriously?????

The only problem now is that I can barely wrestle it away from the kids. Oh well. I don't even miss my laptop anymore.

Ice cream is too cold...soup's too hot

2009-10-22T06:01:00.003-05:00

On Monday I did something I swore I would never do. I was late picking up Kennen from preschool. Not just late as in 'One of the last Mom's to show up', but late as in, 'THE last Mom to show up and pick up my scared and crying child from the office of the preschool director'.

Punctuality is not my strong suit. I don't mean to be rude, or insonsiderate or anything. I just have a very loose idea of how long it takes to get ready, pack up my purse, run around making sure lights are off and flatirons are unplugged and putting the dog outside. And since I live in a little suburban bubble, I think that everything takes 3 minutes to drive to. In reality it probably takes 15 minutes to get to Kennen's school with all those pesky red lights and school zones. Then throw a new baby into the mix that needs to be nursed NOW and well...my schedule got all fucked up and the preschool director was probably on the verge of contacting CPS for child abandonment.

I tried to make up for my lateness by zipping in and out of traffic but Murphy's Law dictated that I hit every.single.red.light. I got to the preschool and my heart sank. Usually there is a long carpool line of Mom's in their SUV's waiting to have their little darlings loaded into carseats by helpful teachers. When I pulled in though, there was not a single car in the parking lot, not a single teacher waiting outside. Damnit! I zoomed up to the double doors of the school and got out to go find my son. The preschool director saw me on the security camera and brought my crying middle child to me. I gushed an apology to her and picked up my 55 lb son. The last time I picked him up was in the early days of my pregnancy with Griffin but I just had to make him feel secure. Mommy fucked up and I wanted to make it right. He was a red faced snotty nosed mess but I somehow got him to laugh on the drive home. The rest of the night, I would joke around with him and say, "Who loves Kennen?" and he would point to me. Then I would say, "Who pickes up Kennen late from school?" then he would point to me again and laugh hysterically.

I think he forgave me. Well, I will tell you this. I will NEVER pick him up late again. How awful to be the last one picked up. Yesterday, I made up for it though. I had been out running errands with baby G all day long and instead of going home to feed him and risk being late again, I went to the preschool 45 minutes early and just nursed the baby in the parking lot. I was the very first car in the carpool line. Wow, I was on the ball today! Right when school was dismissed, I watched as a teacher brought Kennen out to my vehicle. And he was CRYING! We got him buckled in and I tried to calm him down and find out what horrible thing happened at school that made him so upset.

It took him a second but he finally sobbed, "I didn't want to be the first kid picked up!"

Seriously? Seriously. There's just no pleasing some people.

Been AWOL

2009-10-19T13:25:00.002-05:00

My internet usage has been very limited these days. Well, to be more specific, my computer use has been very limited because my computer is broken. Damaged by liquid. My sugar schnookums passed out drunk with my laptop on his lap and well lets just say that the ELK chili and beer wasn't settling too well and before Jeff could gather his wits and run to the bathroom, he barfed all over my keyboard. Harry Potter is fried. Thank God that my harddrive was salvagable because all of my precious pictures are safely saved on an external harddrive.

After 7 years of marriage, all I can do is shake my head and think, WTF? I must be broken down because I wasn't even mad. Why get mad? Nope, no reason to freak out. I'm taking lemons and making lemonade. I'm getting a new laptop complete with Windows 7...woot woot! And I'm also using his guilt to buy a shiny new iPhone. Hee hee, I placed my order today and I cannot wait until I can Facebook from anywhere! Tee hee. I can write out blogs while I am waiting in the carpool line. And don't get me started on the apps!

Oh! Here is more lemonade that I brewed! I am not eligible for an equipment upgrade, so it was going to cost me $300, instead of $99. boo! But my neighbor Tara gave the the brilliant idea to just get a family plan and add an extra line...which makes me eligible for the $99 deal. My monthly bill is going to be the same, I have just as many minutes plus the data plan, and now I can be the coolest Mom ever and give Kimmy-girl my cell phone. Hmmm, she's only 7 though. Is 7 too young for a cell phone? Can I been the el-cheapo queen and wrap up my old phone and put it under the Christmas tree? It will cost me nothing, but Kimberly will feel like a lucky little girl on Christmas morning. I'll have to think about that one though.

kisses!

Important announcement!

2009-10-09T09:01:00.003-05:00

GRIFFIN SMILED! Oh yes, it only took him 9 flippin weeks but my boy has joy in his heart and he's not afraid to show it!

Isn't that great news? yes yes it is. I will catch it on camera soon I hope! the bad news is that he was a little late...does this mean I am going to have another developmentally delayed child to fuss over? *sigh* I hope not.

So after my unsuccessful attempt at stepping down my prednisone, my doctor wants to put me on Immunosuppressants (mercaptopurine or 6-MP if you are curious). Im skurred. My GI doc said that it was okay to take while breastfeeding, but when I ran it by baby G's pediatrician, she suggested weaning him to formula. The immunosuppressants can cause delays in growth and development and that really freaks me out. See previous paragraph. I'm not ready to switch to formula yet either, so I am going to try stepping off my prednisone once more. But this time I am taking a teensy tiny step off my dose. I sent my GI doctor an email with my new 'plan'...lets hope she doesn't yell at me.

I am wooing a new friend. There is a Mom in Kennens preschool class that has a 5 year old boy and a 7 year old girl. We have matching kids! I have been emailing her and we are going to meet at McDonalds today for a playdate. Fun, right? She seems nice...lets hope it is a successful friend connection for she and I as well as the boys.

I gained 5 pounds. Oh shit.

9 weeks!

2009-10-07T10:59:00.004-05:00

***I might have already posted this hospital story but I'm too lazy to go back and check. Sorry if I'm repeating myself, lol***

Baby G is 9 weeks today. At this very moment 9 weeks ago, I woke up in my hospital room...alone. No Jeff, no baby Griffin. And there was a 'code pink' being broadcasted through the hospital. That's code for, "missing baby". I was alarmed and wanted to make sure my son hadn't been kidnapped but I was trapped in my hospital bed. My legs were still numb from my epidural. I called Jeff's cell phone a few times and there was no answer. I called my nurse and asked her if she'd seen my husband and she said that he was walking around with his blue tooth in and it sounded like he was on a work call. I was so pissed! How dare he...work his ass off 24/7 and make lots of money so I can stay home and be with my babies. :D

Anyway, I called the nursery and confirmed that Griffin was safe and I asked one of the baby nurses to bring him to my room. A minute later, Jeff came in. He had some visitors from his work come over and look at Griffin through the nursery window and he had been chit chatting with them apparently and didn't hear his phone ring when I called. I was going off on him and he was taking my venom like a champ. Then I threw a brush at him and told him to get the fuck out of my room, and he left. About 20 minutes later I started to miss him to I called him and apologized and asked him to come back. And bring me something to eat. Yep, I'm crazy like that. Hormones are FUN! Good thing he loves me. :D

All I have to say is what a difference 9 weeks makes. Griffin is starting to get more and more interactive. I would even venture as far as to say that we 'played' this morning. Well, I tried really really hard to get him to smile at me, while he cooed and followed me with his eyes and sat like a big boy in his Bumbo chair.

Look at his bacon and eggs cloth diaper! How cute!
Me and my boy...and my moon face.

This picture is actually pretty embarassing but I think that his little face is friggin adorable so I'm posting it anyway. Look Ma! Matching double chins!
He was starting to get tired of sitting up and he was flexing every muscle in his little body to stay upright.
A little help from Mama. What a beautiful boy. :D

Sunday afternoon rambling

2009-10-04T14:24:00.002-05:00

So I was going to start this blog post with a vent about my husband. He held the baby for the first time this weekend and gets totally grossed out because baby G barfed while he was napping and there was schmutzy milk curds in his neck rolls. Yeah...it's gross. But fucking wipe it up, mmmmmkay? Instead of just cleaning him up he huffs...and he puffs...and he tells me to give the baby a bath. I wash my little piglet every single night before I put him to bed and sorry but he's not getting more baths than that. Use a wet wipe. And don't insinuate that I take anything but excellent care of my baby. Or the big kids. Or YOU! Shithead.

But then he made me laugh and I watched him do some man work in the backyard with his shirt off so all is forgiven. And I'm not bitching about him. Not anymore anyway. :D

I've been buying lots of cloth diapers these days! I am seriously so addicted to trolling through etsy.com and hyenacart.com for awesome diapers made by work at home moms. My favorite is www.hyenacart.com/bagshotrowbamboo . Part of it is because her diapers are loaded up with layers of super absorbant bamboo fleece and fit Griffin's tiny butt perfectly. The other part is because she has created a frenzy. She stocks her store at 7:00pm Eastern time on Thursday nights and her diapers sell out within 3 minutes. The buyer with the fastest fingers wins! Over the last few weeks I have scored 8 new diapers...woot woot!

To fund my new shopping obsession, I've sold 12 of Griffins newborn fitted diapers. Can you believe that people actually buy used cloth diapers? I have bought one used diaper...but I can't bring myself to use it. I thought it wouldn't bother me, but it skeeves me out. I will stick to selling my used ones and buying brand new. It's a bummer though because it's a super cute expensive diaper that I got for a good deal. But at this point Griffin is just too shiny and new to put used diapers on him.

Oh! And I must brag about my first born son! Yesterday at soccer he scored not one...but TWO goals! I couldn't have been more proud. I was a shrieking, clapping, cheering, jumping up and down obnoxious crazy soccer Mom. I've never thought of Kennen as competitive but to see him out there trying so hard...playing with all his heart! After his first goal he ran over to me to high five me and Jeff and he said, "Someone needs to pay me a zillion dollars!" It was also an extra big moment around here because even though Kimberly has played for 2 seasons now...she's never scored a goal. She barely understands the rules. She's getting better but uh...I would categorize her as more of a daisy picker than a soccer player.

Well, Jeff has taken the big kids fishing. Baby Griffin is sleeping. What should I do now? I think I'm going to pour a glass of wine...

Got my hurrr did...

2009-10-01T19:33:00.004-05:00

Chop chop! All my hair is gone! And it's my natural color to boot!

I'm Alive and Well.

2009-10-01T10:30:00.004-05:00

Life is pretty good 'round here. I'm kind of fat though. hmph. I've been on steroids for almost a month now all I can say is...HOLY FAT ROLLS! Fat arms, fat ass, fat stomach, and a big fat head. I've not gained any weight, but I haven't lost anything either. And if you look up 'prednisone side effects' it says something about redistribution of fat in the face and stomach. And the back of the neck. When I went to my GI doc on Monday for a follow up, she gave me instructions on stepping down the dosage of my prednisone. I told her, "Oh thank God, prednisone is making me so fat!" (as I patted my belly). She responded with, "Yeah you definitely have gained weight in your face." Nice. I made her pinky swear that it wasn't permanent.

Here is the scary thing though. Since I started stepping down my steroid dosage, my friggin colon is acting up again. I think I'm going to have to choose between living with my new 'Moon Face' and belly or living with pain. The only way I can describe the pain is it feels like my ass is dry heaving.

In other news, I chopped off all my hair! I friggin love it. I feel like a new girl. I not only love the cut, but I love that all the 'old' is gone. I know it's just hair, but it's like I have gotten rid of all the bad stuff from the last year or so. That hair grew while I was sick and it just had to go. Am I weird?

I'm going to wrap up this post with a song I heard on the radio the other day. It's beautiful and haunting and hopeful and it kind of fits with me no longer feeling like every day is hard.

I'm Alive and Well

Facebook Meme

2009-09-22T19:53:00.002-05:00

Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY. At the end, choose at least 8 people to be tagged. Don't forget to tag me!

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? cheddar cheese!

2.Where was your profile picture taken? On my living room sofa

3. Can you play Guitar Hero? Yep...but I'm pretty rusty I'm sure.

4.Name someone who made you laugh today? Wendy

5.How late did you stay up last night and why? I think around 11:00pm feeding the baby and watching tv.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? The only other place I could see myself moving is back home to Arizona.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? Um, maybe. Not that I can't remember.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Jeff lives with me and he is my best friend so...Jeff!

9. Do you believe ex's can be friends? Sure!

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? It's pretty yummy but only if it is diet.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? When I was in the hospital I think.

12. Who took your profile picture? Kimberly

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? All 3 kids.

14. Was yesterday better than today? Yeah, I got a lot more done yesterday.

15. Can you live a day without TV? I don't watch tv until Jeff gets home from work usually. Oh wait...I gotta have cartoons for my kids though.

16. Are you upset about anything? yes

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Absolutely. What else matters in life but the people you love?

18. Are you a bad influence? Maybe ;D

19. Night out or night in? In

20. What items could you not go without during the day? I would feel lost without my cellphone!

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? My neighbor when she had her baby.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? I'm getting my wisdom teeth out!

23. How do you feel about your life right now? Just trying to find my way...

24. Do you hate anyone? no. Well, I really don't like the people who speed down my residential street.

25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find? Nothing naughty.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? yep!

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before? Yes, Jeff says I'm perfect for him...does that count?

28. What song is stuck in your head? The Grand Old Duke of York!

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be? My neighbor Mr. Clay looking for vodka.

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? Yep, Kim will be 28, Kennen will be 25 and Griffin will be 21 so it's totally possible.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Nurse the baby, get the kids to school, clean my bedroom.

32. Do you think too much or too little? I don't think before I speak. But then I overanalyze it in my head. So...both!

33. Do you smile a lot? I used to. I think I have bitch face now.

Back in the swing of things

2009-09-21T11:24:00.004-05:00

Baby Griffin is changing every day. He has gone from a pip-squeak newborn to a little chunk in about a week. Suddenly everything is bigger. He is getting deliciously chubby! I love changing his diapers because I get to inspect his baby bootie and the fat rolls on his thighs and his belly...ugh he's so sweet.

He still hasn't smiled! I am singing and shrinking like an idiot all day long in his face and he just looks at me like...I'm an idiot. Oh well. Sometime soon he will give in a crack a smile. I just want to make sure that he is on target with his development. Kennen was and still is behind and I would love to not have to do any type of therapy with baby G.

Despite not smiling, he is a happy guy. The first few days I came back from the hospital were a little hairy. He cried and cried. It's like he was all stressed out and he would go from peacefully sleeping to screaming in 2 seconds. It was like I came home to a different baby. I cried to Jeff about how Griffin and I had a broken bond and that I can tell baby G feels insecure in this world now. He just laughed and said I was hormonal. He is right because Griffin is back to cooing and grunting when he wants something instead of screaming bloody fucking murder. He just needed his Mama. Just as much as I needed him.

The big kids are doing great! They had soccer games on Saturday and I somehow managed the whole afternoon with 3 kids on a soccer field by myself. Jeff went on an overnight fishing trip Friday evening to Saturday afternoon. After the amazing job he did taking care of the kids while I was in the hospital, he definitely deserved a little R&R.

I do feel a little bad though because I was uber stressed on Friday evening after he had gone. I tried calling him a few times and he didn't answer. He finally called me back and told me he didn't have phone reception becasue he was on his friends buddy's boat. Boat? What boat? He never told me he was going out Bay fishing and I flipped my shit. He told me he was just fishing from the shore. I yelled at him...well I don't know why. I guess because I worry about him and I knew that the guy who owned the boat was one of those functional alcoholics. He is wasted morning noon and night and I'm sorry but I don't want my husband and father of my 3 kids to be in some drunk guys boat. Call me crazy. Anyway he had fun but he come home soooo butt hurt that I yelled at him. I guess I need to continue to work on my 'tone'. I don't mean to be mean, but I guess I am sometimes.

Now some pics!

I'm home

2009-09-14T23:30:00.004-05:00

And not that I was in a deadly situation, but I feel like I have a new lease on life. I forgot what it feels like to not be in constant pain.

anyone want to do cartwheels with me?

Hola

2009-09-12T21:35:00.004-05:00

Still here...sitting in the hospital...bored. bored. bored.

Bored however, is fabulous compared to exhausted and in excruciating pain. I really think that every Mom of a newborn should have a few restful days in the hospital.

Thank you everyone for your comments. Facebook is firewalled in the hospital and I feel completely cut off from the world! I have been doing a little more research on what I have and because my colon is flaming red from my tush to my cecum, I have Pancolitis. That is going to make is a longer road to recovery from what I've read. Oh what I have read! I feel pretty hopeless about ever getting better. It seems like I can get into remission but then my colon is a ticking time bomb waiting to flare up and make me bleed and pee out my ass for another 10 months straight. Sorry for the visual.

I'm on steriods and some other fun stuff. I'm scared of the steriods because they are going to make me fat. Great. Just what a woman who had a baby 5 weeks ago wants to hear. The baby. I miss him so much. I am pumping to try and keep up with my little piglet. He is getting lots of formula right now. Jeff says he has about 16oz while Griffin is away from me and I am only able to pump out 10-12 oz during that time. No biggie. We will have a nurse-a-thon tomorrow because I am going home tomorrow!!!

I am so excited to get out of here. I am doing much better. The medicines they are giving me are doing their job. Gosh do y'all really want to hear about my colon? Eh, I'm going to tell you anyway. I had diarrhea 12 times yesterday and only twice today. Twice is a fucking miracle with my body these day.

I've also officially decided that my body and health is more important than any future babies. Being pregnant with Griffin has put me through the ringer. Or is it wringer? Probably wringer. Now that I have pancolitis, there are new lifelong risks. Fun things like Colon Cancer and Toxic Megacolon. Awesome name. I put off treating myself because of the risk to Baby G. While he was peacefully swimming in his hot tub, this disease fucking ravaged my body. I just don't want to be in a position again someday where I am refusing treatment and letting it get this bad again.

Physically it has sucked, but it has also brought me down mentally. I wont say 'depressed'. I have too much anxiety to be depressed. Lets just say I feel like I've lost the bounce in my step. I've felt guilty and like I'm not doing enough and I wonder why I can't be a better wife, mother, friend etc. I feel like my 80 year old grandmother who used to always say, "I don't want to be a bother..." when everyone in the room knew that she was a huge pain in the ass. I don't want to be a bother. I want to kick ass at my life.

p.s. Look who hung out with Mama in the hospital bed all day?

News

2009-09-11T21:22:00.003-05:00

I'm writing this post from my mini vacation in the hospital. Since I officially healed from having my baby last month, I officially was able to be sedated for a colonoscopy and I officially have Colitis. Well, hopefully it isn't Crones but I will have to wait for a biopsy to confirm ulcerative colitis.

I went to the ER a few days ago because I had severe pain. I have been having issues for 10 months now but it had never been this painful. Or maybe it was this painful but recently I have been too sleep deprived to keep trucking along. My ER trip got me a golden ticket to a colonoscopy. The last thing I remember was a nurse telling me to lay on my side and that she was going to get me some margarita medicine. The next thing I knew, the procedure was over and I was in recovery with my doctor telling me that I was here to stay.

Now I am hooked up to a line pumping me full of medicine. I am having a little medical emergency vacation. I must say that it is pretty restful. They bring me food every few hours and I lay around reading trashy magazines without a care in the world. Well, there is a care...my babies. I miss my kids so much. It is weird to not be the one caring for them. I never really thought about how Jeff must feel leaving for work every day and just having to trust that I will do a good job. The big kids can fend for themselves but oh my lord baby Griffin needs me. And I need him just as much. I'm reminding myself that I need to be here. Otherwise I'm going to cry and tear out my IV line and call a cab home.

There was another Dr. on call tonight from my doc's practice. It seems like he must be the patriarch of the practice. He is older and cocky and condescending. All of the traits that you hope for in a doctor. You want the asshole doctor. The asshole makes you feel safe with your body. And in my case, my asshole.

He went over the pictures from my procedure with me and I asked him, "So what exactly am I looking at here?" In his very awesome polish accent he waived his hand and said, "This is a disaster!" My own doctor actually told me that I wasn't far away from having parts of my colon removed. I could be one of those people with a hipsac of poo hanging outside of their body. That would be HOT at the pool next summer. I'm not officially out of the woods yet though, so I wont joke about the poop sac. I'm actually knocking on wood so that it wont become my reality. (knock knock).

Use it or lose it.

2009-09-01T09:46:00.002-05:00

I am too tired for coherent thoughts these days, and I have so many blog posts that I have started but not finished. But today, I have decided that no matter what I am going to hit that damn, "Publish Post" button at the bottom.

Here is the randomness that is going on in my life and in my head.

Kennen started school yesterday! My big 4 year old boy is in big 4 year old preschool. I didn't realize until the end of the day that I didn't take that obligatory 'first day of school pic'. Do you think I can just have him put on his backpack this morning and take a picture anyway? That way when he looks at photo albums later, his little life will be properly documented! Yes! It's a plan...Kennen get your backpack on son! :D Also, as I was tucking him in I asked him about his day. He said, "It was great! I didn't even cry! I played with my buddies!" Yay! Just as they did when Kimberly was in the 4 year old class, they read the kids "The Kissing Hand". It's a story about a Raccoon that was scared to go to school, so the Mommy Raccoon kisses his hand and says that anytime he feels scared or if he misses her, he can put his hand to cheek to feel her love. So, I asked Kennen about the story and the little soul totally loses his resolve and crumbled into tears and buried his little sweaty head into my neck and cried, "I missed you! I love you so much!" Oh gawd. My post partum hormones can't handle this and I start crying. Ugh, that boy has my heart all twisted up. I pull it together and emphasize on all the fun things he gets to do at school and he cheers up. Me? I'm still a mess and I consider just clicking off the light and curling up with my 50lb blonde haired angel and having a little slumber party in his twin sized bed. But, there is an 8lb meatloaf in the house that is fussing downstairs and wondering when his next meal will be delivered. Fortunately Kennen saw me close my eyes and started laughing and shoving me out of his bed. He might love and miss his mother but this child does not cuddle. Another year and he probably wont let me hug him in public anymore.

Griffin is a dear sweet baby. A dear sweet hungry, needy, greedy, wants to be held all the time baby. I realized something. I am more tired now than when I was when I had all 3 kids home in the summer. Kimberly helps me so much...I didn't realize how much until she went back to school. Now when she gets off the school bus, she comes running up to me and takes baby G from my arms and goes into the house while I linger and chat with my friends. Yesterday I joked with my friends and said, "Yay! My nanny is here!" Only thing is that I wasn't joking.

Jeff is wonderful and helpful...unless it is the weekend. We went to a surprise birthday party for our neighbor that started at 11am. That means that Jeff started drinking at 11am. By 2pm I realized that I had 3 kids and a drunk husband. Then the more I bitched at him, the more he avoided me, and the more he drank, and the more I bitched at him etc. I ended up leaving him at the party with all 3 kids and walked home and took a bubble bath. (insert evil laugh). Then Monday and Tuesday he got the kids awake, fed, brushed and ready for school all by himself. He came home from work and mowed the grass yesterday. He did laundry. He changed diapers. He played soccer with Kennen. He helped tuck in kids. He brings me gallons of water, one cup at a time. Why can't I just leave him alone and let him be a big dumb animal with his friends at a party? It's not like he is out and away from me and the kids. He has a 'free bird' personality and I know I just need to let him be. He is good to me even when I am fat and cranky.

Okay, wow blogging this time was less painful than I thought. If anyone is still reading after all my ramblings...you rock! :D

Wow, that sucked.

2009-08-28T09:58:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a day of sheer exhaustion. I think i maybe got 3 hours of sleep the night before. Not 3 solid hours...but like 3 hours broken up into 20 minute increments. Holy hell I thought I was going to die. It wasn't even from the baby. Griffin is an excellent little person that sleeps from 10pm until 4am. That is more than enough time for me to feel human enough to function and raise my boys. Hee hee, my BOYS! I have a set of boys, thatissocool! Okay, anyway.

So if it wasn't baby Griffin keeping me up all night, then I bet you are wondering what did keep me up all night. Um, lets just say that I am having an evil flare up of my ulcerative colitis. EVIL! I lost 4 lbs that night. I wondered if this would be the way I would die. What a shitty way to die. Heh. get it?

I lived through the night and somehow limped through the next day alone with Kennen and baby Griffin. Thankfully I have a dear sweet baby that doesn't really cry. He just kind of grunts.

Crying + No sleep = Mommy's nervous breakdown.

And thankfully I have Jeff. Last night I went to bed super early while he took care of everything...he fed the kids, did homework with Kim and tucked in both kids. Even when I woke up this morning I saw that he did things like got Kimberly's backpack ready and cleaned up the kitchen. It *almost* makes me consider post partum sex. Almost.

Now I'm off to do something productive since i no longer feel like a zombie.

First day of school...for the third time!

2009-08-24T16:58:00.002-05:00

Yep today Kimberly started 2nd grade. It was totally uneventful. I mean, i was super excited and she was happy but it really went off without a hitch! She pretty much got herself ready, and bounced out the door no problem. There was no apprehension, no tears or anything. It was just like another school day around here.

I gotta say, i really missed her. She is so helpful with both of her little brothers. She entertains Kennen, she holds Griffin, she makes snacks for everyone (me included), she helps Kennen find matching clothes. She's such a special girl. I think back to when I was first pregnant with her. It was not what I wanted. But now I thank God that she's mine. What would I do without her? My angel Kimmy-girl.

(I have pics to post, but right now I have a baby sleeping on my chest and he smells really good. I'll just have to find my camera and upload my pics sometime soon!)

snip snip

2009-08-22T08:24:00.002-05:00

Jeff better hurry up and get his vasectomy because I already want another baby...

thats all I have to say right now. :D

The peanut...

2009-08-19T16:18:00.002-05:00

...is still a peanut! He weighs 8lbs 1oz and is 21 inches long. He's so tiny! He is still smaller at 2 weeks old than the other two kids were when they were born.

And he got his first shot! Hepatitis B...just in case he starts to hang out with hookers or iv drug users.

I'm too lazy to post a picture right now, but I will show some pics of his cloth diaper butt pretty soon. I need to eat really quick and then take Kim to her school for meet the teacher night. Bye!

Changes

2009-08-19T09:39:00.004-05:00

I'm not digging my postpartum body, but I have to remind myself that getting back to normal takes time. I just feel kind of deflated and deformed. And empty. I'm thrilled that I'm not pregnant anymore but wow...to go from a hard round body to a squishy deflated pile of goo is...an experience. Not really good. Not really bad. Just different.

My 16 year old neighbor took pregnant pics of me 2 days before Griffin was born so check out the before and after:

11 days later.
I don't like the number on the scale and i don't like the cellulite. Or the doughy tummy. Kimberly still pats my belly and tells me how squishy it is. In an effort to keep her innocent as far as body image goes, I just matter of factly agree and don't tell her how flipping rude she is. She's not trying to be mean, and most importantly I want her to to always be accepting of herself. So, I am accepting of myself in the hopes of leading by example. Oh! And my hips are so wide! Apparently they spread when you push a baby through your pelvis...imagine that! I'm having leg, knee and ankle pain because of it. It happened with my other kiddos but I don't remember how long it took to have everything aligned where it is supposed to be. But omg I just want to heal so I can run again. I just feel weak and wobbly still. I'm trying to be patient.

Griffin is doing great! He is the sweetest thing and I will update after his pediatrician appointment. I can't wait to see how big he has gotten!

This morning

2009-08-12T08:19:00.003-05:00

Kennen is a vampire bat boy (notice the slicked over hair and the bat wing blanket?) and he is running laps around the house.
Griffin is back in the fort with Kimberly

And I'm out of toilet paper. You know what that means? A trip to the grocery store with 3 kids.

2nd Mommy

2009-08-11T19:24:00.002-05:00

Griffin has 2 Mommies. One is 30, and the other is 7. It's great because my hands are free to do other things like cleaning and showering. It's annoying because Kimberly walks around with tears in her eyes giving me stony looks because I do things like feed my baby and change his diaper without her. Today I waved a white flag and pumped out a bottle of breast milk and let Kimberly have some one on one time with her new brother.

She loves him:
And she is finally smiling:

Later she made a fort:
And she even made a space for a very special guest...
Her new baby brother!

I did it!

2009-08-11T09:13:00.003-05:00

Jeff found out that his his work truck is finally ready to be picked up! His current truck has like 115,000 miles on it and we have been waiting patiently since JANUARY for him to get the new truck. I'm not sure what the hold up was but you would think that a dealership would be able to rustle up a truck that is a sure sale in this crappy economy...but whatevs.

Anyway, I had to drive Jeff to work this morning. I somehow managed to get up, get coffee, nurse the baby, change his diaper and clothes, get 2 more kids awake, dressed, teeth and hair brushed by 7:30am. I did it all without my head exploding! It was kind of fun to drive in rush hour and listen to the local morning show on the radio too while sipping my coffee. It was a flashback to another life before I became a Mom.

The kids are adjusting pretty well. Kennen is absolutely fine so far. Same old sweet little buddy boy. Kimberly though, as always, is dramatic. She gets mad at me if she doesn't get to hold Griffin enough. She whines, begs, and complains when I tell her to leave him alone while he is sleeping in his cradle. I am nursing him and honestly, it's fucking excruciating every time he latches on. Every time I feed him, she hovers around and asks me why I don't just let her feed him a bottle. Yesterday she even said, "You are only nursing him because you want to be the only one that holds him!" Wow. All I can say to that is, W.T.F!!!!!!!!

Even with 3 kids, I am still encountering new experiences. My nipples are pretty torn up and sore and when Griffin spits up, it is tinged with my blood! It's no fun when you are home from the hospital for an hour and your baby is puking bloody milk. Talk about a frantic call to the pediatrician! He's a vampire baby apparently.

Speaking of vampires...do any of you watch True Blood on HBO????? OMG that is the best show I think I have ever seen. For those of you that watch it...what the hell is that She-devil-God-bull thing with claws.

Okay I gotta go. Kimberly just punched Kennen in the throat. I gotta say, I didn't expect the 7 year old to be the one acting out with a new sibling in the house.

First two days home

2009-08-09T11:52:00.008-05:00

OMG I have 3 kids!
I'm a little tired...

I've been busy snuggling,
Griffin has been getting to know the family,
We are trying to figure out who this baby looks like. Honestly all I can say is that he is a mix between Kimberly and Kennen as babies. Imagine that!

Grandma likes him a little bit...Griffin doesn't like the camera flash...look at that pitiful little face!

The good news is that he is nursing like a champ and he's already getting chubby cheeks!
He looks like a baby Kimmy right here...
And a baby Kennen right here...

As for the big kids, they are taking advantage that Daddy is the best jungle gym...

And he is the ultimate champion at staring contests..

I've learned that Kimberly is a baby hog. Big time. It gets to the point that I start to miss little Griffin because she is ALWAYS holding him. She is such a great helper though.

At first I was nervous because she kept picking him up and walking around with him, but she is so careful. She has only made his little head flop forward once. :D

I love my little Griffin so much! It seems just surreal that a year ago, Jeff and I hadn't decided one way or another on a third baby. Now he has only been here breathing on this Earth for 4 days and I feel like the world wouldn't be the same without him. I am so grateful.

Bob, Wehadababyitsaboy!

2009-08-08T19:15:00.004-05:00

Welcome to the world Griffin Jacob!

My sweet baby was born on August 5, 2009 at 6:31am. 7lbs 9oz, 19 inches long! He was my longest labor and my smallest baby...weird! I have lots to say about my hospital experience and my hillbilly nurse and my bitchy doctor but I will get to that later.

Here is my little peanut!

Black Eyed Peas "Boom Boom Pow"

2009-07-30T08:13:00.001-05:00

I am just posting this on my blog because Kennen makes me play it for him every.single.morning. Twice.

also...when he said, "Hey! I like that girl!" I said, 'Yeah I like Fergie too!' He got all excited and said, "Wow Mommy! You know that girl? Did you meet her? Is she your friend?"

Of course little man. Because I'm cool like that. :D

Twiddling my thumbs...

2009-07-29T19:28:00.003-05:00

...waiting to go into labor. I am 2cm dilated now and still 2 weeks from my official due date. However, I would bet my bottom dollar that my baby Griffin will be born next week. August 6th is a full moon....Owwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooooooooooooooooo! My OB answered with, "Oh yeah!" when i asked her if it was really true that more women went into labor around a full moon. Plus she is stripping my membranes on August 4th. I must say that I was much more uncomfortable with Kimberly and Kennen during the last weeks. Maybe I am savoring it a little more because this is my last baby. I have decided. It's time for Jeff to get the snip snip. I want a big family but I want to be me still. I think that 3 oh, it's the magic number!

I'll leave you with a few pics of me and my kids from The Fourth of July:

Happy Kennen:

Me and my girl:

And my kook-nut:

Siblings

2009-07-24T10:57:00.001-05:00

Anyone else find this strange?

2009-07-23T21:03:00.005-05:00

On Fox news tonight, they are covering the most pertinent issue that will affect our lives and our childrens lives. Whether you think it's good, whether you think it's bad or whether you are completely indifferent to government run healthcare...it is a big fucking deal.

On CNN, they are covering Jon and Kate Plus 8. On MSNBC they are covering a war hero. And Michael Jackson.

Doesn't it feel a little bit like 'someone' is gently stroking our heads and whispering, 'Go to sleep little sheep. Nothing is happening...go to sleep.'

I'm not going to get political on my blog but...JUST SAY NO TO PUBLIC HEALTHCARE!

One more milestone

2009-07-20T10:31:00.003-05:00

Well my inlaws are going back to Phoenix today after their 5 day trip. Dropping them off at the airport is just one more thing on my mental checklist that I need to do before the baby comes. I just have to clean up everything from having company this week and catch up on laundry. Jeff also has a business trip until Wednesday and then baby Griffin is free to come! Do you hear that baby? Stay in there until Thursday!

In all likelihood, the baby wont come until at least August...but I am toying with the idea of requesting to be induced. It would be nice to have him now and have an itty bitty little 6lb baby. Eh...I'm too chicken for that though. I think I will just try and get things going the old fashioned way...I am going to attack my husband with my 200lb naked body. :D Hey it has worked in the past with my other two babies! And yes, I said 200lbs. Last night I officially tipped the scales at a deuce but then this morning I was back down to my regular waifish 195.

***raising hand, "Can i get off this ride yet?***

Paint party!

2009-07-15T08:09:00.003-05:00

Yesterday my friend Briana put together the coolest summer party! She had canvases prepped with all of the neighbor kids initials on them, and lots of paint, paint brushes, along with other items like forks, aluminum foil, wadded up paper towels, and of course the kids had their little fingers. We had them paint, scrape, blob, squirt, cover certain parts of their creations and then paint some more. The outcome was awesome! I love how each sibling set created art that 'matched'. There was some parent supervision but it was mostly only to control the colors but mostly the kids just went to town.

Here is Kimberly and Kennen's creation! I couldn't decide if I should have the kids focus on blue so they would match my dining room, or red so they would match my family room. I did a little of both and ended up with lotsa purple...but they totally rock! :
This is our neighbor M. The most impressive aspect of her art is that she had no parental help! Her Mom was home with her sick little sister so this creation is truly all her own!

I love this pic! Not only is their art awesome, but I is smiling all proud, little C is hiding and Patty is kicking C to cooperate and get in the picture! Ha ha, it's hilarious!
Awww, E and L-boy. These canvases are going to look awesome in Lauries living room! the colors match their house and don't you love how they coordinate? Brown on green and green on brown with copper accents...looks great!
Briana was the mastermind behind the paint party and these are her kids creations. Again, the colors match her house...don't they look professional? I'm so impressed!
So there you have it folks...this is what a playdate in suburbia looks like. Unless you come to my house. At my house you will find fire ants, dog poop and dead grass in the backyard. But lots of love for all of these little people that are built in best friends for my kids. I seriously hit the jackpot as far as neighbors go.

*Also, I just wanted to add that I had an OB appointment after the paint party. The doc checked my cervix and I am 1cm dialated and 50% effaced. Woot woot! It's almost baby time!*

It's been awhile...

2009-07-14T08:03:00.002-05:00

and I'm in a huge hurry, but I wanted to post these pics now before I forgot! I am currently 35 weeks 4 days pregnant. I'm in the home stretch woo hoo! I spend my days either sleeping or cleaning out closets. My hormones are making me a meanie. I'm hungry but I have no room to eat. I haven't gained any weight for like 10-12 weeks now! Baby Griffin is using up all the stores that used to be in my fat ass. It's a great symbiotic relationship. I thought that homeboy was transverse and so did my doc after feeling my belly at my last appointment...but it turns out that he just likes to plant his rear end on one side of my uterus, and his feet on the other side and streeeeeeeeetch out. I think I'm getting an internal bruise from his foot stomping. But the great news is that he is head down. I'm so scared of labor!!!!! Kimberly's labor was 6 1/2 hours from first contraction to delivery, Kennen was 4 1/2 hours from first contraction to delivery...and I'm scared to see what happens with Griffin! I'm scared of tearing my hoo-ha again. I'm scared I wont get my epidural before it is time to push. sniff.

Okay...here's the belly pics. My damn camera battery died while I was taking pics so I had to use my webcam...'scuse my go go gadget arm:

n

aLook at how...unround...my belly is in this pic. Freaky!

Okay, gotta go to my playdate. I will post more later! I have been MIA for a few weeks because I have joined the Farm Town obsession on facebook. My farm is bomb dot com yo. :D

Backfloat!

2009-07-01T04:36:00.003-05:00

Kennen finished swimming lessons last week and he has learned his water safety survival skills! He's got a mean backfloat:

I asked him if he liked swimming lessons and he said, "Mr. Adam teaches me how to go to tweep in the water!" (okay, tweep means sleep...but the remaining articulation issues with his speech are still kinda cute!) Dontcha love the little arms behind his head? He's a cute kid!

p.s. I still can't sleep! I've been up since 3:00am...again!

since I can't sleep, I might as well blog!

2009-06-30T04:09:00.002-05:00

I am assuming that baby Griffin will be waking up for a 3:00am feeding every night. I'm up again with a kicking rolling baby when it feels like the rest of the world is asleep.

It really makes me giddy that in less than 2 months I will have a newborn! As much as I like to sleep, I am looking forward to my midnight...and then 3:00am feedings with my boy. The other two times I had new babies, I learned to surrender to the rhythm of the 3 hour cycle. Eat, poop, sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. I was so tired...like torture tired. I was pushed to the limit of what a human being can handle...but the secret is that I loved it. I'm a greedy girl and my babies are mine mine all mine. During the day I must share them with the world but in those quiet moonlit hours their little life, their tiny breaths, their hungry little mouths, and their demanding little fists beating in the air are all mine.

billz billz billz

2009-06-29T11:51:00.003-05:00

Does anyone know how much a vaginal birth at a hospital costs before insurance? I know that there are a lot of factors like how much the facility wants to charge vs what the ins. company will allow them to charge and lots of other confusion. I am looking for a ballpark figure. Jeff and I had $2500 in our health savings account, but we have burned through that at lightening speed. We only have $675 left to cover our hospital fees! Eep! I will owe 20% of whatever the hospital charges so I'm thinking out of pocket will be $2000-$3000. Basically I don't have enough money. Damn.

We knew we were going to have a baby this year...but I didn't count on myself getting really sick on top of the cost of the baby. I'm not even diagnosed yet because I didn't want to risk the health of the baby by doing extensive tests...but just treating my symptoms has been expensive. I either have Ulcerative Colitis or Crones disease. Or colon cancer. Probably not the last one but I really don't know. So on top of the cost of the babys delivery I still need more diagnostic testing done. I am praying that this is just an autoimmune intestinal problem that showed its ugly head because of my hormone fluctuations. Who knows. Maybe I will magically get better once the baby is born since I got sick right at 5 weeks. And by sick...well it involves my ass but I will keep the gorey details to myself. :D

The good news is that Griffin is growing perfectly. The bad news is that by the end of the year we are going to be drowning in medical bills.

Cry bitch

2009-06-27T16:31:00.002-05:00

Why is he crying? Sorry Mark Sanford...I don't buy your crocodile tears. Whatever, marriage is between two people and if there is infidelity well then it is none of my business. But this is particularly shady and I take personal insult because his job is a Governor...a public servant to the people of S.C. He used taxpayer money to fund his trip to the other side of the world for 'a little strange'. He was unreachable to everyone! Sorry sir, you accepted the nomination to be Governor...an assignation that many would do wholeheartedly...and possibly even with honor.

I'm not even going to get into the fact that you disappeared from your wife and kids. Ugh. you deserve no pity.

cluck

2009-06-24T18:27:00.002-05:00

I think this means I'm nesting.

I have been systematically tearing my house apart and putting it back together again. I lay awake at night in bed wondering exactly what the hell is lurking under my kids beds or in my closets. It makes my skin crawl. I must purge it all out! For those of you that know me...this is totally freakish behavior on my part! 'Cleaning' for me means that I do the 5pm hustle where I scurry around and clean up before Jeff walks in the door. I have also learned to delegate jobs to my kids. for example, they empty the dishwasher, dust, and make all the beds. Years of the 5pm hustle have led to cabinets and cupboards that really have no organization. My silverware drawer has a divider in it for spoons, forks etc but I just throw them all in. It's all about speed with the 5pm hustle! It's all smoke and mirrors. Jeff might walk into what feels like a shiny peaceful place but the truth is that there is chaos just below the surface. Or just under the bed. Or just behind the pantry door. Chaos people!

In 7 weeks I am bringing something perfect and pure into my house. A primal force is ordering me to create a perfect place for him. I must obey.

Ugh...they got me!

2009-06-23T12:14:00.002-05:00

I watched Jon and Kate plus 8 last night and I friggin cried! Ugh, they got me!

If you haven't heard, they are filing for divorce. It really makes me so sad for them...for their kids...but mostly for them. I was a child of divorce and I have navigated through this world okay despite not having the best launching pad. The kids seem pretty sturdy. I think they will be okay.

I have thought for years that Kate is just a raging bitch. I've always thought that she better start being nice to her husband before he finds someone else that will respect him. I'm not saying that I am a pious quiet little wife. I'm not. But I let my husband be. I let him speak. I let him parent in his rougher 'Daddy' style. I look away when he drinks out of the milk carton. I give him the remote control...plus a million other subtle things that show him respect. I don't want to emasculate the man I love until he is another helpless baby that I have to parent.

She seems like she is such a control freak and she wanted to brow beat him until he did what he was told. I don't think she realized the power a woman has in submission. For years and years he took her abuse and now he has completely checked out. He rebelled and found a young 'lady friend' that probably made him feel really good about himself. Like Miranda said in a Sex and the City episode..."Nobody wants to fuck Mean Mommy."

He's not faultless either. He didn't fight for fair treatment, kindness and respect. And now he's not fighting for his marriage. He says he's all about the kids, but it is true that the biggest gift a father can give to his children is to love their mother. He has that multiplied by 8! Does he really hate Kate more than 8 times the love you feel for a child? I don't think he does.

The closing scene of the show was when Jon and Kate were loading the kids into the super Van. They were holding umbrellas and passing the kids to one another to keep them out of the rain. Then Kate opened her door and started stepping up into the Van and Jon came up behind her and stood on his tip toes to hold his umbrella over her head. That small act of chivalry is what made me cry. Because he was still going out of his way with the little sweet things he did...and she still didn't notice.

Yesterday...

2009-06-22T08:28:00.003-05:00

I turned 30! Goodbye twenties. I'm officially old.

I woke up to Kimberly gently shaking me awake. She had set a fresh hot cup of coffee on my nightstand and when I opened my eyes she smiled sweetly and said, "Happy Birthday Mommy!"

Then she brought me the presents she made. It was 30 pages of water color paintings she made for me. There were butterflies, fish, thumbprint people, and pictures of a big fat me wearing a big fat dress 'because you are pregnant Mommy'! She had been working on her paintings all week and I have been banished from my dining room because she wanted me to be surprised. I knew she had been painting...but Jeff didn't apparently. One day he came home from work and went to the dining room to admire Kim's creations when I suddenly heard screams and, "No Daddy! That's paint water!" Oh yeah...he chugged down a huge glass of kool aid colored swill. I told him not to worry...it was probably non toxic. :D

Anyway, Jeff came home from fishing at 8:00am with donuts. Score! I ate one and was done. I can't eat much sugar in the morning when I'm pregnant. I don't know why but it makes me feel very very sick. Weellllll, then Kim brought me a donut and said, 'happy birthday mommy.'. To be nice, I ate it. Then Kennen brought me the most frosted, sprinklyest donut and said, "Bappy Birthday Mommy!' Ugh. I was already feeling sick so I told him 'no thanks buddy, I'm full'. Then he hung his little head and his bottom lip stuck out and started to quiver. So I said, "Wait, does that have sprinkles???? Thanks...my favorite!" Then I ate the damn donut while he gleefully sat next to me swinging his little legs and chattering away happily. Then I tried not to barf and I fell into a sugar coma...nap #1 of the day.

I woke up and went swimming, came home and napped. Woke up, ate spaghetti, layed back down and napped. 3 naps in one day makes a pregnant girl very happy. Jeff asked me, "So is this the crazy celebration you expected for your 30th birthday?" Ha ha, that would be a negative ghostrider. When I was younger and 30 was old, I always expected to compensate for the dissapointment of stepping into my 30's by partying like a rockstar. I thought I would probably fly to Vegas with some girlfriends or something like that. I didn't expect that I would be so...content. And rotund. With so many kids. And a house in the burbs with a dog. 30 feels good...like an accomplishment.

Oh! The best part is that Jeff got me a gift card for a day at the spa! I've been trying to decide what to have done! Should I focus on my face and get microdermabrasion and zapped with a lazer to take care of the broken capillaries on my cheeks? Or should I wait until I have the baby and do the sauna, body wrap, massage thing. Or should I get my whole body waxed? Honestly I can't even see my vahoo anymore past my belly so I am shaving by braille. That pretty much spells d.a.n.g.e.r. I could also focus on cutting my hair and getting my nails done. Hmmmm...decsions decisions.

Iran

2009-06-20T17:11:00.002-05:00

OMG I am so saddened and horrified with what is happening in Iran today. If you go to your twitter, do a search for #iranelection, tehran, or iran you can read live updates from Iranians trying to get their stories heard. People, mostly young, have taken to the streets to protest the rigged election of Ahmadinejad. The government has shut down all news stations and the only way these people can get out information to the rest of the world is through twitter, facebook and youtube because these social networks are not run by Iran. By updating with news, videos and pictures these people are putting themselves at risk because the gov't can track them down and find them, kill them, their families etc. Do your part by setting your Twitter time zone to GMT+3:30 Tehran to jam the network. By making the list of 'Iranians' larger, the Iranian government will have a harder time filtering through everything and finding those 'guilty' of reeporting the truth about their corrupt country.

I have perused the #iranelection search and I saw a link to a youtube video of a beautiful young woman who was shot in the street. She looked into the camera as blood spilled out of her mouth and nose and she died as the people trying to save her screamed in outrage and agony. It's unbelievable. God save those innocent people who are brave enough to fight for justice...for a fair vote.

Griffin

2009-06-13T12:48:00.005-05:00

This baby is by far my laziest child! I hadn't felt him move all morning and I started freaking out. He finally gave me one big slow roll and a couple kicks so I can relax for a little while. He has his active days but for the most part, I really need to concentrate to notice much movement from him. Sometimes the only reason I know he is alive is that he has the hiccups. When he does kick and roll, he is very strong. I am anticipating another barrel bodied grunting flexing little boy. And I'm expecting another blondie, but wouldn't it be cool if he had dark hair? My Dad has black hair, so it is possible. Plus I am praying that he has Jeff's beautiful green eyes. Not that it doesn't thrill me to see my very own eyes staring back at me from my kids...but a little variety would be excellent. Wow, a dark haired green eyed boy living in my house. How fun would that be! Eh, probably won't happen though.

My nursery is pretty much done. I have a little more organizing to do in the clothes department, but that's it! It is simple and soothing...just how I envisioned it. I am waiting for my order from Uppercase Living and as soon as I stick it up on the wall, I will take pics and show you! Until then, behold Griffin and my double chin:

And my stupid dog didn't even bark!

2009-06-10T10:47:00.003-05:00

There have been a string of break ins lately in and around my neighborhood. Last night, my neighbor that is 2 houses down from me had his car broken into, his stereo and other things stolen! 2 houses away! Spooky!

Now I am all paranoid. I am locking myself inside whenever I am home and I am nervous to let my kids play in the back yard. Can you imagine the nerve of some people? I hope it is just highschool kids and not real gun toting criminals. At least it wasn't a home invasion on my street. There was one in our community a few weeks ago. That would really scare me because honestly, we don't have anything worth stealing. I don't keep cash at home. I don't own a flat screen, a dvd player or anything else cool. If someone breaks in and demands everything of value, what do I hand over? My laptop? My basketful of clothes I am trying to sell on ebay? Uhhhh, my Wii? That is pretty much all i have worth stealing.

I do have a shotgun. Not that I am keen on shooting anyone, but hopefully if I am put in a bad situation, just me pumping the gun will cause someone to second guess hanging around in my house to see if I will really shoot or not.

Sign...gone are the days when the worst thing to happen in this neighborhood and me and my neighbors...and our 'excessive partying'.

choosing my battles

2009-06-08T08:41:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago I bought Kimberly a lot off clothes off ebay. I cleaned out her closet of everything that doesn't fit and pretty much all we were left with was the new stuff I got on ebay. I washed and hung each outfit together so that she could easily and quickly dress into a cute and matching outfit.

My plan failed. She keeps wearing the same 2 skirts over and over again with any fugly top she can find. This morning she is wearing a pink/white checked skirt with a red 4th of July shirt from Old Navy. What the hell? I'm trying not to come out of my skin and yell at her for something that really doesn't matter. Is it too much to ask to expect her to at least match her clothes? Damn!

*vent over*

Last day of school and swimming lessons!

2009-06-04T08:19:00.003-05:00

Today is Kimberly's last day of first grade! This year has absolutely flown by. It is exciting that today is the last day of school because it is another milestone that needs to be reached for me to be that much closer to delivering Griffin. Here is my mental timeline:

Jeff's sister needs to have her baby...CHECK!

Kimberly needs to finish first grade...CHECK!

My brothers wife needs to have her baby in July

Then it is my turn in August!

Baby Griffin is growing a lot and has gotten really strong. He is finally starting to kick me hard enough for it to be a little painful. I can tell I have another little muscly man child in there.

Speaking of Man child...Kennen is taking swim lessons. The place I go to is awesome! You need to go every day for 30 minutes for an entire 2 weeks. It sucks because I have to actually drive out of my little suburban bubble and I am wasting a lot of gas, but this is truly the best place to go. Kimberly had taken lessons at a few different places when she was little, but it wasn't until her 2 weeks at this place that she learned to swim. They are miracle workers.

Kennen started a few days ago and we got 'Mr. Rudy' as our teacher. I was a little taken aback when they first told me it was a 'Mr.' If it was Kimberly, I might not have felt comfortable with that. In my mind i wonder why would a grown man want to have a job teacher preschoolers how to swim? Beautiful little preschoolers in swimsuits with their parents on the other side of a plate glass window. I know, gross. But I figured...I have a son so I don't have to worry about molestation. Welll......then I realized that probably for some people, little boys float their boat. Ew ew ew! Me and my Generalized Anxiety Disorder started second guessing this whole thing. Then I mentally slapped myself and told myself to snap out of it. Chill out. Take a deep breath. You will be there. Your child will be fine.

It turns out that Mr. Rudy is a coveted teacher. He is about 20 years old and is a huge man. It's like Mike Tyson is standing in the pool waiting to teach a buch of little tiny tender people how to swim. Before Mike Tyson got the tattoos all over his face that is. I walked Kennen in that first day and one little girl, who looked about 2, was crying so hard that she gave herself a bloody nose. By the looks of this man, I half expected him to start shouting, "What is your dysfunction soldier!" Seriously...Mr. Rudy looks like a badass who takes no shit. But he just held a paper towel to her nose and gently purred to her that she have nothing to be upset about and that everything is going to be okay. It was so touching. Like one of those black and white pics where big strong man hands are holding a newborn baby. Then I got kind of choked up at his his tenderness and had to run out of there before I started crying...damn hormones!

I sat down in the parents area to watch. Each teacher only has 4 students and there are about 10-20 teachers in the pool. Each 'class' sits on a little built in pool love seat and the instructor takes them one at a time to practice something new. The first time He took Kennens hand and pulled him under water, he gently dunken him as he walked backwards to the center of the pool. When Kennen's head came back out of the water he started sputtering and screaming and with his 50lbs of muscle, he managed to get Mr. Rudy in a head lock and start climbing up this man. I swear his feel were up on Mr. Rudy's shoulders and he was trying to perch himself up onto his head. Thank goodness Kennen has a big strong man teacher. Mr. R gently disentangled himself and pulled Kennen down to his eye level and I saw him firmly mouth, "STOP" to Kennen. Immediately Kennen was mesmerized and relaxed and then carried on with his lesson. He is the perfect teacher for my freakishly strong son. Kennen loves him and looks forward to lessons every day...damn, in fact I have 10 minutes to get dressed and get out the door for todays lesson. Peace out peeps.

Oops!

2009-06-01T14:12:00.003-05:00

Today online registration opens up for Kimberly's fall soccer season. I was hunting around the website and i found a few tidbits of advice for soccer parents:

“Asked what embarrasses them most,
every single child surveyed listed parents
hollering plays or instructions from the
sideline or stands.”

OOPS!

The Ride Home
– Never reward what you perceive as success
– Never punish what you perceive as failure
– Don’t evaluate your child’s performance, he or she is playing to have fun, not to earn a grade! If he/she had fun, the day was a success

– Meet your child’s needs: remember the questions you asked and the answers you got as to why your child is playing soccer

OOPS AGAIN!

I must admit that last season I was a screaming maniac on the sidelines. I exploded on her in the car after she played really poorly. It is just so hard to watch your child be so disinterested in a little competition. I am not super competitive but I at least want to feel like i am in the game, you know? I want to make sure nobody feels like I am letting them down. It was painful to watch Kimberly focused on the super soft sand around the goal, or the bugs crawling through the grass. It made me so mad to see her half heartedly running along with her friends with zero enthusiasm...but when it was the end of the game and time for snack, she sprinted as fast as her little legs would carry her to get her share.

I don't know how to motivate in a positive way. I would rather my kids have me be hard on them to prepare a little for the world...instead of syrupy false praise that give a false sense of a job well done. I don't want Kim to think she is perfectly fine just the way she is without applying herself to something. I just don't feel like i am doing her any favors by plastering a smile on my face and saying, "Wow! Great game Kim! Excellent teamwork!" when it was glaringly obvious that she didn't even try.

Maybe I should just build her up though. I dunno. Should I be her soft place to fall? Should I be the one to apply the pressure to her that she needs to succeed? I really don't know. This is the first time I've had a 7 year old and I have no idea what I am doing.

29 week belly

2009-05-29T08:49:00.002-05:00

It's that time again! Time to see how I've grown...
The thing is...I haven't changed that much in the last month. My belly looks the same-ish, yes?

I still have a small semblance of a waist. I'm not saying that I'm rocking the hour glass figure, but my waist still goes in a little.

So i ask you...Where the hell am I hiding the 25 lbs I've gained? Could it really be all baby, fluid, placenta, etc?

Ah-hah! There it is! Bliggity Blam! My ass is huge! My poor granny panties can't even cover it anymore. sigh. My loungy pants look painted on now. Awesomeness.

So I gotta say I'm a little worried about my impending birth. My first go round, labor lasted 6 hours from first contraction to baby being born. Second labor was 4 hours. I just really hope I don't have the baby in the car. Oh well. If I do, I will save all the money on hospital bills. If that happens, I wonder if I can use my heath savings account card for Botox. :D

How do I have a 7 year old?

2009-05-26T13:03:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was first my babys 7th birthday. SEVENTH! Holy cow! Hello, my name is Stella. I'm 29 and I have a 7 year old. It's amazing...she suddenly has grown up a little more. Yesterday for the first time Kimberly curled up on the sofa with a Junie B. Jones book and read 2 chapters. This is the child that I was planning on putting in a summer reading program because she was behind in reading this year. Well slap me and color me purple. Now that I know that she 'can' read, I just need to make sure that this summer she 'does' read.

Her party was a huge success! The day started off really bad. Like ridiculously bad. Like I wanted to cancel the whole thing, pull the covers over my head and cry myself to sleep. We planned to blow up the inflatable slide from last year so Kim and her friends could put on their swimsuits and have some fun in the sun. But it was raining. Not only was it raining, but it was raining only over our house. You could see sunshine on every horizon, but there were black angry clouds thundering overhead. Also, Jeff and I could not find the stakes needed to secure the slide into the ground. We tore apart every storage closet, and searched the garage and the attic high and low only to come up emptyhanded. And I was somehow blamed for the loss. Then I went to McDonalds to order Happy Meals for all the kids and 99cent burgers for all of the adults...and I had the wrong debit card. I had them swipe it anyway for good measure, and it was declined. o.v.e.r.d.r.a.w.n. Yep I was the asshole that just ordered $100 worth of food with no way to pay for it. Shoot me now. I drove back home and got my other debit card, all while crying hysterically.

Thankfully, bad things only happen in 3's and I racked up my 3 'bads' before noon. It could only get better from there. The sun started to shine, my friend Laura came to the rescue with stakes to secure the slide so it was safe enough to use, and debit card number 2 worked splendidly. I showed up back to my house with happy children running around my backyard...eager to tear into their Happy Meals. Even better was that I was surrounded by my friends. Suddenly I realized that nothing was really that bad after all and that I might be a little hormonal and over reacting. :D The last few children left at 9pm and I had so much fun! It was Kimberly's birthday party, but it also felt like the kickoff to the summer. I am definitely ready for days filled with swimming, sun, hot dogs grilling and ice cold beer. Just kidding, I wont be drinking beer. Just a little wine. I'm kidding people! mostly kidding...

I only have 10 or 11 weeks left of this pregnancy. Hallelujah! I had a doctors appointment today and after the doctor checked me over, she said "Okay great...see you in 2 more weeks!" Just so you know, that means I am in the home stretch. Every appointment up until now has been once a month. My wonderful doc also gave me another ultrasound. I have been nervous because the baby doesn't kick a whole lot. Today my fears were compounded becasue the nurse couldn't find my sons heartbeat! Ack! Once the little dude was up on the ultrasound screen, we saw that all was well. He is head down and his little hands are smashed up next to his face. His butt is in my ribs and his little legs kick towards my back. I guess he is just sort of a quiet baby. He does more shifting and slow rolls wheras my other two kids actually caused me physical pain with their thrashing around.

Oh! And I am please to officially announce this little dudes name. We completely scrapped the old list and had to start fresh. Jeff and I were in a stalemate...big time. But we finally agreed! Sometime in August, we will be welcoming Griffin Jacob to the world. Kimberly, Kennen, and Griffin. We were unable to keep going with the 'K' alliteration but I still think that Griffin somehow matches. Plus, it just feels right. And when Kennen says "Gwiffin' my heart just melts. :D

p.s. the ultrasound tech said that my baby is already 3 1/2 lbs! Holy macaroni!

Throwing you a bone

2009-05-20T14:07:00.001-05:00

Helloooooo?

Does anyone still read my blog? I completely suck since I never update. But I suffering from some serious writers block. Or something. :D

Instead I am going to share a new website I just found:

www.textsfromlastnight.com

Let the hilarity ensue. You are welcome. :D

Moms really do make everything better!

2009-05-06T22:07:00.003-05:00

My Mom has been visiting here for the last few days to keep me company while Jeff is away on a fishing trip. We have spent most of her trip scouring the city of Houston for the best deal on things for the nursery, and I think we have found them! It reminds me of how we used to spend our free time together when I used to live in Arizona. She is the only other person I know that also loves spending their Saturday morning at yard sales, followed by brunch, and then finish the day off with rearranging furniture and basking in the glow of knowing you have gotten a smoking good deal. I miss her so much. I wish we could do this every weekend. Maybe I could just not drive her to the airport tomorrow. Hee hee...I want to keep her. I think my stepdad would object though so I will be a good daughter and drop her off at the airport as long as she promises to come back soon.

Being with her just fills my soul. Aren't Mom's great? Just look at a child and their primitive need for 'MOMMY!' I guess it never really goes away huh? She will be back here in August when I have my baby...if it takes having a baby to get her to come out and pamper me, then maybe I will have a 4th. ***just kidding!***

Stay tuned for pics of the baby room...and for the little buggers name! :D

A rose by any other name...

2009-04-27T14:18:00.002-05:00

Guess what I learned today? People no longer 'potty train' their children. Some people are so civilized and stuck up on a high horse that they call it, "potty learning' now. To insinuate that you 'train' your child to do anything is offensive apparently.

But I don't belong to that club. I kick it old school and train my kids, yo. I have even had success with *gasp* spanking a kid that has peed their pants one too many times. That's just how I roll.

The big secret is that Moms, especially stay at home Moms are isolated and we start to feel a little down on ourselves. Since we feel unimportant, we decide to make a big deal out of nothing because we all need something to be passionate about.

It's funny that someone feels the need to stress the point that they are 'potty learning' their child when there are real problems in this world.

*hormonal rant over*

A little late for an Earth Day post

2009-04-24T12:14:00.003-05:00

...but this is my blog and I can do whatever i want. I have mentioned a few times that I will be cloth diapering this baby. Most people stare open mouthed in horror and I understand completely. But I have invested my money and now I HAVE to see this thing through. I have all types of diapers and it is turning into an addiction. Jeff keeps getting angry at me for spending so much, but I really have just done him a favor. Since I spent money on these without his blessing, he has ammo for every fight from now until the baby is about 1 years old. By then as long as I have successfully cd this new boy, I will have recouped my original investment. I have pockets, fitteds, and flats as well as todays topic...PREFOLDS!

These are unbleached indian prefolds. (UIPF). I bought them from www.cottonbabies.com. They are soft and quilty and apparently pretty absorbant. It is basically a huge piece of cloth that is folded so that the diaper is more absorbant in the middle than it is on the sides. This is a 4x8x4 and that is in reference to how many layers of cloth are in each of the 3 sections. I have a dozen:
Sine I don't have a baby to practice on, I am using my old doll. Yes this baby was mine as a child. His name is Matthew and, as you can plainly see, he is a boy. And uncut boy. To strap the diaper onto the baby, first you lay the baby on the diaper so that the rise is in the appropriate spot in the back:
Then you cinch the diaper together in the middle so that it will fit between the babies legs. If you feel so inclined, you could actually roll the sides in instead of folding them. Apparently rolling in the sides creates a better barrier to keep the mess in.
Pull the diaper up between the babys leg, pulling the material tightly:
Fold down the rise to the appropriate height. This flap folded down in the front is actually extra helpful for boys becasue they pee in the front.
Then wrap the wings around to the front of the diaper and snappi it on. The snappi would be the green thing in the diaper. It is a 3 legged replacement for diaper pins. There are clawed teeth on the underside of the snappi that work like an ace bandage clip. I did buy pins but they scare me.
Matthew is free to poop and pee as he pleases now. Not that he can do any such thing, becasue he is just a doll.
Prefold diapers need a cover to be waterproof. Without a cover, your lap and his crib will be flooded after he pees. This one is a Thirsties xs cover. It's made out of PUL which is poly-blah blah blah laminate. It's waterproof.
Strap it on just like a disposable diaper.
Voila! Now Matthew is ready for a nap. Nite nite!
...does is scare you that I play with dolls? Jeff thinks I'm nuts. Kimberly thinks I am lots of fun now.

Answer this riddle...

2009-04-22T19:53:00.004-05:00

When is shopping Un-Fun?

When you are 6 months pregnant and shopping for a swimsuit!

I did find something and I brought it home, but I have decided that I am okay with the bottoms, but I hate the top. Well, both tops. I bought two and they are both not good. I had to try on sizes that were big enough for my belly...which made them too big for my boobs. I am returning them tomorrow...but I figured since I was half naked in my bathroom, why not take more belly pics? I think it's been awhile!

These are the bottoms I bought today that I am keeping. This top is actually from Classy Bride and I love it! I have had it for about 5 years now and I have not found a better fitting top for me. When I'm pregnant I have small boobs, and when I'm not pregnant I have zero boobs...but this top somehow makes the most of what I have. The awesome thing about this bikini is that you can have the bottoms customized with Swarovski crystals with your new last name! They are super cute...just click the link and look under 'Just Married Swimwear'.

But this isn't about brides...this is what happens after the wedding. Or before the wedding in my case, lol. When you swell up to the size of a beach ball. Ch-check it out:

I know that all I talk about is the baby, the pregnancy, baby baby baby but well there just isn't much else going on in my brain these days. Soon though, I will show you my new psychotic obsession...cloth diapers.

Another perk of being pregnant

2009-04-18T10:25:00.002-05:00

...is the vivid dreams. Some of them are freaky. Like when I was pregnant with Kimberly, I had a dream that Jeff and I sex in a pool. Then a few days later the pool was full of embryos floating in the pool and growing in their amniotic sacs. FREAKY!

But last night's dream was a gift. I dreamt that I was watching home videos of my Dad. Then suddenly I was in the videos again living my life as a child before my parents got divorced and before my Dad died. I was a little girl playing at my neighbors house and I ran home to go see my Dad. He was laying in the grass in the front yard and I had to climb a huge hill to get to him. His eyes were closed and I stopped and started at him for a minute to see if he was alive or dead. All of the sudden, his chest was rising and falling with his breathing and he opened his eyes and called me over to him. I layed my little girl head on his chest and he put his arms around me. I could smell him and I heard his voice. These are two memories that have faded into obscurity in real life. But ever since my dream, I can remember them again.

:D

Susan Boyle - Britains Got Talent 2009 Episode 1 - Saturday 11th April

2009-04-17T10:07:00.001-05:00

Absolutely shocking! Team Susan!

How to be a good Texan.

2009-04-13T14:40:00.006-05:00

Did you know that Bluebonnets are the state flower here in Texas? Yeah and apparently they are protected and you aren't supposed to pick them. I learned this from my 6 year old when I told her to pick me a flower a few weeks ago. She picked it, gave it to me, then burst into tears. "I'm not supposed to pick bluebonnetssssssss! I will get in trouble! My teacher told me I couldn't!!!" I just patted her condescendingly and said, 'Well you are allowed to when you are with me becaue I am your Mom and I said you could." Then later my friend Patty told me that in fact, my daughter was correct. No picking Bluebonnets. Don't mess with Texas. Oops!

This weekend I convinced my husband to drive all over Texas to find fields of wildflowers. Apparently it is a Texas-y tradition to dress up the kids, pull over onto the side of the freeway and take pictures of your chitlins frolicking in the Bluebonnets. Jeff wasn't very into the whole idea at first and he didn't want to drive 1 1/2 hours northwest to find the best fields of flowers. We are in the far suburbs of Houston and we are just a few miles from 'the country'. He assumed he would satisfy my flower fix with a few pathetic scatters of wildflowers...but no dice. I kept urging him, "Lets go a little farther...just a few more miles! Look the flowers are getting thicker...lets keep going and find some really good ones!"

Eventually we got to Brenham, TX. Home of Bluebell Ice Cream and the best Bluebonnet fields in Texas hill country. We found a field and drove about 1/2 mile back and let the kids run wild. I was in sensory heaven. They flowers are such a brilliant blue and they smelled amazing. Plus the whole place was relatively bug free. I've checked yet another 'Texas' experience off my list. Along with putting huge bows on my daughter and buying a gun...I have now taken the springtime bluebonnet pics. Aren't they amazing?

This is before the $5 footlong...
...and after the $5 footlong!

It was hard to get pictures of Kennen. He kept running at top speed said, "I'm fast-quick!"
I just love this girl. That's all.
Here's my sweet boy. And look! My truck got to take bluebonnet pics too!
kisses!

What a charming little smile...

a.m.a.z.i.n.g.

Tantrum over

2009-04-09T16:43:00.003-05:00

I took a long hot bath, then I took a long cozy nap...and my perspective on the world is much better now. I think my children and pets are safe from being beaten by their crazy Mommy today. I think what did it is that I woke up to Jeff calling me. He always cheers me up.

Bitchfest

2009-04-09T14:01:00.002-05:00

Guess what today is folks? Today is listen to me bitch and moan about how fucking pissed off at the world I am right now.

The day started when I woke up in a mutha fucking puddle of mutha fucking pee from my 6 year old. Quit peeing the damn bed! Actually...quit peeing in my bed. What you do with your own sleeping space is up to you. Damn!

Then Kim has the worst sore throat and can't talk or swallow and feels a little warm. How warm? I have no fucking idea because I can't find the thermometer. My kids think they are toys because apparently anything in this house that beeps when you push a mutha fucking button belongs to them. So yeah, she is home from school laying pathetically on the sofa and moaning. Ugh. I call the pediatrician and they can see her today at 10:30. Sweet! This means that I can have a talk with the pediatrician about how shitty I think she has been lately and how much it sucks to fork over $100 for the 30 it takes to scribble down a prescription.

Then we are getting into the truck and Kennen can't find his damn shoes. Granted he only has 2 pairs...but that means that he has completely lost 4 fucking shoes! In a last ditch effort to try to make it to my appointment on time, I make him wear Kim's flip flops. The little turd is very happy with this solution. He is such a cute little turd.

I didn't get my chance to have a heart to heart with the Dr. though. I was hopeful becasue the doc actually looked in Kim's throat. But then when she went to check her ears and nose, she waved her little lighted wand around like Harry Potter trying to do a Wingardium Leviosa. She might have flashed the light into the general direction of her ears and nose...but she by no means looked into her ears or up her nose. To call her out on her bullshit magic trickery of parents of tiny patients, I said, "Oh's she's been saying she's dizzy lately...how do her ears look?"

"Oh...uh she has some fluid but it's not a big deal." bullshit she has fluid in her ears. The doc didn't even look! Rawr! Then she whirled out of the room.

Then I drop off the prescription. The lady at Walgreens said it will be 1 1/2 hours. Fine. What-fucking-ever. I go back 2 hours later and she says..."Okay, just hold on one minute while I mix up the medicine for you." WHAT THE FUCK HAVE Y'ALL BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST 2 HOURS? Why couldn't I have waited 'just a minute' for you to mix it up 2 hours ago? Bitches.

And my dog peed on the carpet. Again. Bitch.